Loose stones
roll away,
and her feet
teeter on the cliff top.
ww
Balance held
by outstretched arms
which feel
the air's silken touch.
www
Blackness coats her vision
as her eyelids slide down,
only hearing the rustle of leaves,
the creaking of branches.
ww
Smelling the fresh roses,
the moist damp soil,
and tasting life.
ww
The girl ponders her choices.
Finally deciding, that gravity
will make it for her.
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139,367 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
This poem actually put a tear in my eye. So many details yet so many questions arouse within me. For starters what caused her to consider committing suicide it arouses my imagination. The personification of gravity making the decision for her was ingenious. I would have liked to read more about some of the people in her life but that's just my own opinion.
Aw, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
This is very nice, Girlofconversefirefullness, and I like the uncertain ending, a lovely personification of gravity. I particularly liked the lines Smelling the fresh roses,
the moist damp soil,
and tasting life."
This means much to me.
Now for the constructive criticism area of the show.
I think the aformentioned verse would be improved if you rewrote the second line to be another sense, I.e. feeling wind or hearing birds. Just a suggestion,
Take That You Fiend!
Thank you for the review! Yeah, I can see your point actually, thank you!
Strange here, and I got a review for you!
I honestly can't tell if this the narrator commits suicide or if she survives, I can't really tell.
Other than that, I really liked this poem. It captures simple actions and emotion, though it doesn't show it. IT has the youth in the character. It's hard to complain about this piece. I honestly had no problem with this poem.
Overall, this is great
Strange gives you...
9.4/10
Good job
Keep writing!
9.4?! Jeez, that's made me happy! Jeez I sound sarcastic, I'm being genuine xD
And I kind of left it on a CLIFFhanger (get my pun? Heh.) sort of the reader can decide and think what happens.. Glad you liked it :3