A bullet's kiss will
tear people apart, blood red
lips staining dead hearts.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow. Let me just sat that…. wow. Images were in very line, as people portray a kiss as something nice and safe, and, well….. a bullet really isn't that safe!
One really, tiny, minuscule thing….. you start it of with "A" - capital letter, then when going on it becomes "t" and "l" - not capitalized. I would un- capitalize the A…..
I love it!!!! Dark and cryptic, I love that sorta thing!!
Thank you!
I shan't bother trying to review this - it's atomic. Miniscule and powerful. While Dancing Trees I could critique, I think this is everything it wasn't, and yet smaller still - not something I would have expected.
The most powerful thing of all --
This just makes sense.
Thank you so much!
I love how this poem has so much meaning through something so simple. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much!
Grrs! Those pesky bullets!!! Heh, heh.
Hai, my dear, I am know as dark.
I love it when people create haikus. It's always a lot more difficult to construct them than any other type of work. Always looking for the right words, always attempting to create something new. And you, my dear, have provided the works!! I would have preferred it if you would have use proper punctuation, but its not biggie. Keep it up, friend!!
~The dark one.
Hey, thank you for the review! I just like writing haikus like that, short and sweet! Like, I think a lack-of-punctuation worked somehow...? Thank you though! It means a lot!
This is one of most perfectly simple yet... beautiful haiku's I have ever read. As all haiku's are, they are short and hold a lot of meaning; but for many, writing a poem with so few lines while trying to input as much detail and meaning as possible... it is quite the task. So, I admire you for this. I know I'd struggle immensely writing a haiku.
So, content? It's wonderful. I can't see any fault with it. Honestly, I love it!
The only thing that bothers me, in one perspective, is the lack of a capital letter and full stop. Like this:
But I then look at in a different perspective: there is a story before this, and the story is yet to be carried on... but we are only given a snippet of the situation. And a beautiful snippet at that. So, depending on what you meant to do depends on whether you need the punctuation or not. But to be honest, I prefer this concept, because it is so... deep.
I also really like the possessive apostrophe in "bullet's kiss", with that and the metaphor, it just works amazingly. You've done a tremendous job on the construction of this.
When I first looked at this... I thought the second line looked out of place. But now I think about it, the structure is actually really good in it's own right. I mean. "tear people apart," is good, but the "blood red" both describes the tearing... and the "lips staining dead hearts". Very good.
I don't think there's anything else for me to say... Just keep writing to this standard, because you showed amazing talent with this haiku, in my eyes.
Well done and good look with future writing!
-Clarity.
Aw thank you so much!
That means a lot, I like writing haikus without punctuation for some reason, but thank you so so much! I'm glad you like it, it's my first proper piece of poetry! 
-CFG
You're welcome. It's really amazing!