Release

Hi Converse Fire Girl, the King to review.
I love the fact you have taken the time and effort to write with rhymme and rhythm. This is the attention to detail that I like in a poem.
A really effective device you used was starting all but the last line with the word "her". This gives a steady structure to the poem, broken on the last line to increase the impact.
Lines I liked and why I liked them.
1 "where death is closest." This line seems to me to be a beautiful and varied way to say somthing rather obvious. It also reflects the character's resolution in the matter and shows that she is close to death.
2. "Cold gun metal" Despite your previous reviewer I feel that this line is good enough as it is, as it means exactly the same thing.
"Soul, raising like barrel smoke" This line is clever. I like clever. It highlights two things that happen simultaneously in the poem, and likens them. Huzzah!
In conclusion, i know this sounds really evil, but I am glad it ended like it did. I was expecting the contrary, so it came as a bit of a shock.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hello, ConverseFireGirl.

This poem was really saddening to me... the fact that the girl committed suicide made my heart sank. I am pretty sure most girls (or guys) had their suicidal moments, but when they actually do it, it's very saddening.

My favorite lines were:

Her heart is pounding,

trigger anticipating

moment of release.

PERSONA~

Nah, just kidding. She dead. As if that wasn't any more obvious.

So, yeah, let's begin this review! Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! Tonight I'll be reviewing "Release" by ConverseFireGirl, and believe me, it's as tense as a Suspense poem can get.

So, you have this girl, and she's holding a gun to her head. The entire poem is her getting ready to pull the trigger. (Spoiler alert! She actually does it!) What makes this poem so special?

If you had received the message the way I explained it, you'd obviously be asking that. I mean, I suck at explaining things! XD Anyway, I think the imagery is what seals the deal in this poem. The cold metal of the gun biting at her finger, the soul rising along with the smoke from the barrel.... All those things are what I love about this piece, and I believe that is what makes it so amazing.

As always, take care, and keep writing! I expect to read more from you in the near future, and remember that practice is the key!

Hi, Conversefiregirl! I will say that your poem was good. Infact I really liked it . I liked the ending very much:

"The trigger is jerked,
soul, rising like barrel smoke
she has been set free."

My favourite lines would be:

"Her shoulder clenches,
bullet keen to be fired
buzzing, waiting."

Nothing intensely wrong - I didn't find any error and your arranging was great.

Overall: I really loved this poem and hope to read a continuation or something similar.

- Anshira, Ink Force

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

Hello, I'm here to review.

Haha.

Like you couldn't have guessed that.

There is but one flaw with this poem.

"safety catch, flipped off."

Nope.

Don't use a comma.

Commas have grammatical rules that cause a huge slur of uncomfortable issues.

Use a "--"

Watch.

"Safety catch-- flipped off."

Shazam. Now it's okay.

Commas may be used to create a pause in the sentence, but they are less verbal and more grammatical than the double-dash method. Double-dashes can create a verbal pause that doesn't really need grammatical limitations.

NOW onto the good stuff.

Woah, did this poem hit home.
Usually I'm like "blah blah, angst isn't a good poetry topic, blah blah"

But this was good.

Very good.

The shape of the poem looks like a hospital pulse reading.

The shortness of it is simplistic and suiting.

It's perfect. You clearly know what you are doing, and I really don't feel it necessary to further praise you, because no amount of encouragement is needed to sway you into writing in a certain pattern if this is the sort of poetry you produce.

Good work.

Nah,

amazing work.

You are truly an artist.

Best of wishes.

Keep writing,

xoxo
Kitty

Hey there..... I found this amazing poem ........ Both the title and situation.
It reveals how broader the scope of poetry is.... One can choose any topic and write about and in your case write wonderfully.
Although the situation is horrifying yet daring, you bring it all very nicely.
The words:
Her muscles are taut,

Gun lifted towards her head,

Where death is closest
all is written beautifully....... Keep going and i may also chose some new and different topics for myself.
Cheers

Hello ConverseFireGirl,

Great poem, I mean the writing of the poem, not the situation. Although this poem is sad, it was well-written. I hope that this isn't true because suicide should never be someone's final decision. But nevertheless, your poem is practically flawless. I am not sure if you should make certain sentences onto different lines, but it is whatever you choose. I must say, though, that it does look orderly with the stanzas of three lines each. When you wrote "The trigger is jerked", I am not sure the word "jerked" is actually suitable but the reader gets the point that she is pulling the trigger. How did you come up with such a somber topic? Anyway, I hope you continue writing...

~ Magenta