Capturing the Details

Timmy here for a review!

So this is just really awesome! I love how you are explaining everything as if you are seeing it through the lens of the camera... We are looking at nature. The grass, the flowers, and then it all focuses on something that we didn't know would be in there... His face. Its like, WHAM! I loved it!

So I will just hit a few spots I noticed now!

Cerulean sky,

viridian meadow,

and his hunched figure. ----I thought the first two lines were awesome. They were part of the same sentence, but separate ideas. I think the third one butts into that, wrecking it. And... I think the and is ALL to blame!!

capturing the details: ---Maybe, Capturing every detail?

lush grass,

and new life. ---These lines seem too short compared to the rest of the poem. Lengthening them would help a lot. Even if you put just one word, it would make a difference!

Yet the camera

still can't catch

the brushes of sadness

which line his face. ---Those lines are my favorite. I don't know what they say to everyone else, but to me it says one thing. That you need to look at the world from more than just one perspective. To see the world from more than just a confined little viewpoint.

Hello again, ConverseFireGirl!
RachelLeeAnn to review another one of your works. ^^

I like that this is short and sweet. It's not long at all, but in your case, that's what makes this poem good. It has the shortness and/or drama that comes with haikus and other dramatic poetry. You used excellent imagery in the first couple lines.
I agree with other reviewers in saying that last couple of lines feel a little bit rushed. Maybe just add a line or two to be more descriptive about this sad man?

That's all I've got for you!
Great job, I loved it.
Keep writing.

-Rae

Short and sweet, one of my favourite things about poems

But anyway, good poem, I enjoyed reading this. It made me curious as to what made the guy sad, but that's not a problem, I can ignore that. I personally think that this poem could have much more to it, but I have been subjected mostly to longer poems so I probably need to read more.
Overall, I just feel that there is so much more to say here, but I still liked reading it
Thank you for putting it up

Hey! I have to say that I thought this poem was super creative and really painted a nice picture in my head.

So to start of with, I really like the descriptive words you use in the beginning of the poem, it really draws the reader in and paints a nice picture in their heads. I also love your use of a camera as something that captures the details of the subject of the poem, very creative.

One thing I have to say though, is that you could of used a lot more descriptions towards the end, I just felt like I was being told instead of shown. The very end was great though, I really liked that, though you could of foreshadowed his sadness in the beginning or middle of the poem so it doesn't seem like the fact that he is sad is suddenly thrown in their and it gives the whole poem a sense of direction.

All in all, I really liked this poem and I hope to read some more from you soon. As always, have a great day!