The Most Common Lie

by ConverseFireGirl

Published February 2, 2014

E - Everyone

In Poetry

"How are you?" he asked.

Sad, hopeless, misunderstood.

"Great," I said, smiling.

Comments & reviews · 9
User avatar
Niraco
Review
Niraco wrote a review Review · Feb 5, 2014

Hey there, Converse!

Niraco here with a little review for you today!

I have mixed feelings regarding this poem. I like the formate, for a start. For me haikus can convey tonnes of meaning which is what was achieved here. It's short and to the point which is what drew me in.

Now for what I didn't like. It's cliché. Time and time again I've seen a poem tackle this subject matter. For me I always roll my eyes whenever I see something like this.

Sad, hopeless, misunderstood.


I think perhaps this was the line that threw me off a little. Angst is something I too used to write an awful lot about. But it was teenage angst, something pretty much everyone grows out of.

Lastly, I really like your title.
The Most Common Lie


It's such a strange title which is also what really drew me in too. When I read it I was rather disappointed again at the subject matter,

All in all, the structure was solid but I found the subject matter too over used and didn't really take an original spin on the subject matter to really show anything interesting.

Nice job, keep at it!

TinyJarStoredDreams wrote a review Review · Feb 5, 2014

Hey Tiny here!

Ready to be my next victim? Good. Alright this is written from a depressed/stressed/disappointed point of view. As a person with anxiety, I can relate to this a deep level. The fact that you added how the character said it (smiling) was the key part. I feel like I need a back story. I can't help myself from wondering.

"Who is this man/boy the character is talking to?"

and

"Why does the character feel sad, hopeless, and misunderstood."

I feel like a work this deep would be perfect with a back story. I just want to know more about this tragic piece!

Keep writing 8)

P.S. You totally deserve the spotlight, ROCK ON!

Snoink replied · Feb 5, 2014

Well, it is in the format of a haiku, so more information might not fit so easily... ;)

It would be OK as a separate work or something like that. Just saying.

User avatar
CesareBorgia
Review
CesareBorgia wrote a review Review · Feb 4, 2014

Hey! This is CesareBorgia here for a review.


I love how this is so real. It's so real and simplistic, even though it is only three lines. There is nothing for me to correct. I'm a just review each line.

"How are you?" he asked. i asume somone is talking to him casually. Presumably someone walking by.

Sad, hopeless, misunderstood. This line delves deep into the fact that the man/woman seems depressed.

"Great," I said, smiling. this is the most common lie.

all in all this was a beautiful piece.

Thanks ConverseFireGirl.

TheResilentDreamer wrote a review Review · Feb 4, 2014

Let me just say you will most definitely become a poet. The use of haiku was true beauty. With only three lines you covered one of the greatest truths about people. We lie about our problems. I just recently wrote a piece entitled "Smoke and Mirrors" that is about the same topic, but I explore it a little deeper. You may want to check it out, but enough about me. There is nothing to fix, and I hope you become successful in writing, or whatever you want to do.

Thank you so much! :D

User avatar
svwiener
Review
svwiener wrote a review Review · Feb 4, 2014

It's the simple things that mean the most. The simplistic nature yet staggeringly meaningful context is breath-taking. I love when writers make "nothing" into "something." I'm not saying that this is nothing, I'm saying that at first glance, it seems as though your piece is short and maybe lacks meaning, but after reading it I can confidently say that it holds so much more depth than one might assume. Beautiful.

Simplicity is key. Everyone is willing to pick up a newspaper or a book or a magazine and read 3 lines that mean a lot. Not even half of those people are willing to read more than that. It's a gorgeous art form to be able to turn something so short into something so meaningful.

Thank you so much! :D That review means a lot :)

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Typer Comment
Typer commented Comment · Feb 3, 2014

This is gorgeously short. It manages to convey a strong and resonant message in three lines and never diverges from the point at all. I think this is the best haiku I've ever read. Brilliant.

Welcome to YWS! :D And thank you so much for your comment! :')

User avatar
Inkpot
Comment
Inkpot commented Comment · Feb 3, 2014

Spot on. I wasn't expecting this, but it's brilliant. A masterpiece :)

Thank you, Inkpot! :D :D

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Gravity
Comment
Gravity commented Comment · Feb 3, 2014

Beautiful. Too beautiful for me to ruin it by saying anything other than "beautiful".

Thank you so much! ^_^ :D

User avatar
rothwise
Review
rothwise wrote a review Review · Feb 2, 2014

Hi Converse!

Let me start off by saying that I am a big sucker for haikus, and this one was no exception. It's beautifully crafted in very simple words - bravo for that.

You've managed to capture so much emotion in just these three short lines. We all have definitely had this moment, where a concerned friend will ask how we are and we just find that we cannot express our actual emotions for whatever reason, and so we have to fake it with a smile and a false adjective.

I have one recommended change, if you don't mind. Instead of "Great,"...what do you think of using "Fine," instead? I find that "fine" is the arbitrary and usual response for when things are clearly wrong. Maybe in that sense then, you wouldn't want to use "fine" because it's so overdone, or maybe you think it could capture just how not fine this narrator is?

It's up to you, it's just a little suggestion on my behalf!

An amazing haiku. Keep on writing!

thank you, rothwise, I can really see your points here. Thank you! :D



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