That Smile We All Wear

This is Verser here to review this beautiful piece of artwork.

To start, That smile is the one true thing in the world. Everyone has that smile and it has existed since the beggining of time. To write about something like this Is to remind us of what we really are. It keeps us within our boundaries.

It breaks rulers

It burns dreams

It shatters people

It completes schemes


No nit-picks this time people.

Realistic! Enjoyed your work. Well done !!

Wow. That's the first thing I'd like to say. People always talk about the whole "fake smile" thing, and it's definitely true, but you've executed it in a way that's clear, concise, and elegant. I love that I can relate to it, and that a lot of others can too.

"Shun criminal tears,"
I really like this line because it projects the idea that tears are a bad thing, that we shouldn't cry for any reason. This is something that I've found very prevalent in society, that tears are a sign of weakness and a loss of control. If anything, I would suggest a different word choice? Maybe "volatile", "miscreant", or "illicit" instead of "criminal". I just think it might help with the flow of the line. I'd also add a "We" at the beginning of the phrase, just so that it flows better later on.

"wipe our expressions and wear
fractured, broken smiles."
These two lines are great. Maybe play with the "expressions" line a little bit, because I had trouble reading it within the flow of the sentence. It just seemed a bit clunky. Also, instead of saying "fractured, broken" maybe change one to a different adjective? It makes it sound a little less re-state-y.

Otherwise, I quite like this poem and I hope that you do more with it! Thanks so much for writing!

Hello
First off, I have to say, I love your name.
Second, great job on the title, it was a real attention grabber.

I like the haiku style of this.
It flows together beautifully and it's well put together. I just wish there was a little more to it. Maybe another line or so.

"fractured, broken smiles."
LOVE IT! creates the feel of wearing a mask to hide what we truly are or how we truly feel.

You did a great job on this! Can't wait to see more!

Hi Converse!

Ooooh, another haiku! I just read one before this - it feels like Christmas, I like haiku so much!

A couple of nitpicks that might not be so nitpicky when we're dealing with an incredibly short piece like this: there shouldn't be a comma after "tears", assuming that it's the tears that wipe the expressions. I really like the idea of wearing "broken smiles" (beautiful!), but it's a bit confusing as to who is wearing them. The tears? The sentence structure makes the tears seem like the subject, but it hardly seems to make sense. Although I do like the slightly surreal idea of tears wearing smiles, but only if that was purely intentional! Haiku are so strict with the syllables, it's often difficult to say something exactly like you want to say it and so end up with something that sounds good but doesn't really make as much sense as you'd like it to.

Also, I think "fractured" and "broken" somewhat cancel each other out, so perhaps choose just one of them and fill the line in other means. Other than that, I think this is beautiful.

Demeter x