Whipped cream clouds
are swirled upon
a cherry ice-cream sky
and is beginning to trickle
into the crystallizing honey below.
Liquid caramel
lines the horizon,
with a soft glow and gazed shine.
Best of all,
black icing decorates the sweetness;
frail bodies and strong wings,
are made by an artist's touch.
Perfection
in the shape
of soaring birds.
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Hello! Very well done here, it's like that poem you wrote describing the sky in terms of painting, only tastier!
Fourth line: it says "is beginning to", but as I read it it was referring to the "whipped cream clouds", which are in the plural. So surly that should read "are beginning to"?
I found black icing strange-black not being something I would generally not like the colour of my cake to be. Liquorice is black, and seems less death-like than black icing. Just my viewpoint; I am not highly trained on the subject of sweets. (Curse my braces)
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Ah, thank you! That really helps!
I know your pain for braces 
But thank you!
-CFG
*nom*
Flame here!
.
I can only admire your creativity. I've heard of cotton-candy clouds, but never of an ice-cream sky or caramel lining the horizon. Kinda makes me reflect back on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (the book, not the movie), where the sun against snow was butter on mashed potatoes. Now I have someone to blame for making me hungry
Grammar, spot-on. Spelling, spot-on. Line-breakings, perfect.
I just think that some lines would function better as fragments. Otherwise, the poem translates as prose. Your use of predicates also chips away at that half-humorous, half-enigmatic theme. So the first few lines might look like:
But it's purely a stylistic choice. Wouldn't blame you for not listening
I'd recommend going with active voice here. Clears up the meaning a bit.
That's all I have. This was an enjoyable read. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Thank you very much for this! It was greatly helpful, and I can totally see your points
Thanks again!
-CFG
No problem!