Your eyes are like the universe,
deep and mysterious.
Flecks of brown are stars,
swirling constellations.
Meanings, hidden.
The orbit of a single moon,
all in your blue eyes.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,030 Literary Works • 672,904 Reviews
Enjoyed reading this. "Your eyes are like the universe" and "Meanings, hidden" were definitely the lines that topped it off for me
Thank you, Emotion!
I'm really glad you liked it; I'm quite new to poetry!
-CFG
If you are quite new to poetry and can write that you should seriously write more =D
Hi, ConverseFireGirl. honestly speaking, I liked this poem. I like the simile used in this line:
"Your eyes are like the universe"
The third and fourth lines are very nice. No grammar and puncuation issues so A+ on that. One thing I would like you to do would be to improve on this poems length- it would be nicer if it is longer.
I liked this poem and would absolutely love to read more of your work.
- Anshira
Aw, thank you for your review! It means a lot, thanks! I try to write longer poems, but I find it so hard! Thank you!
You are welcome.
Hey ConverseFireGirl,
Not all short poems are bad poems, this one was good. I liked the imagery and the descriptive words you used. If given time I believe that you could turn this into something bigger if you desired. I got confused by the "flecks of brown are stars" and "in your blue eyes" because they seemed to be contradicting each other. I thought his eyes were brown but then they were blue, but what if he had blue eyes with specks of brown? Maybe I am just not getting it. However in a short poem about eyes, if more people then me are getting confused by that you might want to think about revising. I liked the anology you gave about the universe and being deep and mysterious because of the saying "eyes are windows to the soul". That's what it reminds me of anyway.
-gottahaveFaith
Hey, yeah, they do have blue eyes with brown flecks in, I'll try to make it clearer upon my editing of it
Thanks for the review!
This seems like a nice analogy for how mysterious the universe is and the world that our eyes reveal about us
Thank you so much!
Oooppppsss I submitted that twice by accident.
Haha, did you? I can't see two...
Welcome to YWS CFG.
Your poem is short but sweet. Few words are used to describe a large idea and you have achieved this through effective imagery for which I must congratulate you. Just wondering logistically, is it possible to have blue eyes with brown flecks?
I feel like you could develop this poem more. What is the significance of the hidden meanings behind the eyes? Does this person who is being described have something, some sercet to hide from the narrator?
Sorry that is all. There is nothing more else to say for a small poem can only reap a short review.
Keep on writing.
Thank you for the review!