On this tree right here and now
I will carve my name,
and I will carve it with the knife
I balance in my hand.
~
On this tree right here and now
I will engrave my sorrow,
and I will engrave it with the mind
I hold so close and near.
~
On this tree right here and now
I will steal back happiness,
and I will steal it with the heart
which I scorn with every love.
~
On this tree right here and now
I will carve five words,
and I will carve them with the soul
which is woven to my skin.
~
"INstEAd oF ON mY sKiN"
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139,481 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Hey! BitterRosemary here to give you a review!
I actually like this poem alot. I personally connect with it, so it's difficult not to be biased when trying to review objectively.
The rhythm of the poem is steady and predicable. A little to predictable for my tastes. But the story you tell, while short, is moving, and doesn't need to be disguised by complex patterns or wishy-washy structure.
Overall, you have a thumbs up from me!
Thanks for the review!
The rhyme is consistent, and though it may lack in it's complexness I find that not to be an issue here. The subject of your writting in this poem (I can't speak for others as I have not read them) is very interesting as it is somewhat mistical and yet many of us can probably asotiate with it, even without knowing what exactly the theme is. So all in all this poem has all the characteristics of a poem: good rhyme, deep but understandable theme.
P.S. Im sorry if I suck at reviewing. I'm new at this so I kinda just type honestly what I think about it.
Thank youu
Hello!
Plus point.
-I like the fact you have used a steady rhyme and rhythm pattern, as it allows greatly for emphasizing changes by repetition, a device used by all the best poets.
Constructive criticism bit. (sorry about the over simple format of this review)
-I dislike the last two lines because of the repetition of the word skin in the same places in the lines. Rather I would write "Which to my skin is woven." Just a humble suggestion.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks, I can really see your point, Fiendy.
this is guðdómlegt like we icelanders say (heavenly would be the transaltion). I managed to vizulize what was happening, your writing was good. The Ryms were no short of epic. I must say your skill as a writer make me red with envy (thats as close to a complement as i can manage, i am sorry). This poem shines as a light in the darkness of the world, i must thank you
for wiriting it, its cute in its simplisity. Its well written, the parise i can give this would have to be written upon the great wall of china. I just am going mad with the epicness of your writing, i go from envy back to sociopathy to happy ness, to highness. And i now know that you sire are a masterfull person and the fact that a mere tumbler post is enough to inspire you to write something so cool amases me.
Now i must beg your forgiveness for the lack of cohisveness. I am not very good at expressing my love for something with words. It is a talent that had eluded me for quite sometime. I hammer at it most days but others i just sit infront of the mirror crying. Alas this uncohisive mess of a review must come to a close, i again must beg for forgivenss, i am new to this reviewing thing. If you can ever find it in your hear to forgive this mess i will sleep soundly for the remainder of time. thank you for surviving
all the best Spense
Thanks!
Wow, what a cute poem! I loved this very much and it was simply beautiful. Keep up the awesome work!
Thank you, Sunshine!