Don't you dare
loose weight to impress that guy
who doesn't even know you exist.
Don't you dare
hold that blade to your damn wrist
and seriously consider what you're thinking.
Don't you dare
take that cigarette to your lips
only if your friends think it's cool.
But you better dare
to be the person you were made as
and if you don't,
the only person that loses the most
is you.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,552 Literary Works • 673,421 Reviews
This really hit home with me. It is so simple; yet, quite relate able. The pressures of society today outweigh the inner beauty that we all have inside us. That seems to not matter as much as the complexion of one's skin, or the size of their waist. I enjoyed reading this because it was nice to see someone enforcing people to stop trying to impress others, and to be true to their inner self. Today's society is a hard one to grow up in and i think you hit the nail on the head with this piece. Keep up the writing like this!
The Missing Piece here for a review! This was great! Lots of girls today starve, cut, and do stuff that harms themselves. This really shows how you feel about this subject, it is strong and it tells you exactly what you're thinking. My favorite part was:
"But you better dare
to be the person you were made as
and if you don't,
the only person that loses the most
is you."
I really like this because it's true. It tells you the exact truth and I love it! Great job and keep writing!
~The Missing Piece
Hey Retro here to do a little reviewing!
First off just want to say how i like the message behind the poem. I myself have been subject to doing things because others have told me to do so rather than wanting to do it myself. So cudos. I think you encapture the theme well with a rather basic and to the point structure which i think this sort of poem should be.
There are just a few nitpicks here and there.
1. I think it should lose not loose weight....i think anyway, but i'm pretty sure.
2. But you better dare// to be the person you were made as. I don't think this flows that well, maybe something like But you better dare// be the person you are supposed to be
3.This bit about the blade. Because there is no period after wrist and you say and it makes it sound like you don't want them to consider what they're thinking.
Other than that the only thing i maybe would have like to see would be one or two more bits of imagery but like i said the simplicity works
Hope this helps!
Keep writing
~Retro
Thanks, Retro for the review!
And I love your name ^_^