Life Line
I was drowning, lost and alone.
Losing the war with myself and I alone.
Dreaming of love, but scared to get close.
My heart given to a girl
who never chose me over her phone.
Leaving me to face these demons on my own.
I guess my heart got tired of being second,
somewhere along the way.
By her side, I found myself
no longer willing to stay.
In all honestly, you became a bigger part of my life that day.
In your arms I feel safe,
your presence makes me strong,
and the very thought of you
gives me the courage to go on.
So thank you for standing with me,
when everything went wrong.
Deep inside I realize in finding you,
I found where I belong.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
This imagery is great for the overall mood and topic of the poem. I think you really created a picture of what was going on.
I can also say that the language used to back up the imagery was incredible.
I feel that some of the commas could have been done without, but it doesn't really detract from the poem or its meaning.
All in all, I enjoyed reading this poem; it was beautiful.
Keep it up!
Yo, fellow writer! (really professional, aren't I?) I'm Pendr, here to review. I believe I've read a few of your poems before, and I really enjoyed them, so I'm glad to be back
Let's get started!
"I was drowning, lost and alone.
Losing the war with myself and I alone." The second line's flow is kind of weird; even just changing 'I' to 'myself' would improve the flow. It would also help if you could find another word besides 'alone' or a way to rephrase it and still make it rhyme and have the same purpose.
"By her side, I found myself
no longer willing to stay." it would help the flow and make more sense if you took the comma after 'side' out
"In all honestly, you became a bigger part of my life that day." This line is long and stands out a little too much, so see if you like it as two lines or work out something else.
Alright, so I said most of what I was going to say, but I've been feeling really sick today, so I apologize deeply for not getting out all I wanted to. I do want to say that this poem is very beautiful and relatable. Many people will be able to relate to this and connect to it in many different ways, and that's a huge part of poetry
Thanks for sharing your art on YWS
This poem is so beautiful! You had great imagery that created vivid pictures in my mind. Your rhymes in the second stanza were great and they did not seem forced or stretched. Your use of punctuation added a lot of impact and emphasis the the poem. You didn't have any capitalization, punctuation, grammar, spelling, or formatting errors. The poem had a good meter, which contributed to a nice flow.
I did find one part that was a bit rocky...sticky...bumpy...I don't know how to put it. But it was the first line of the second stanza. It had too many beats compared to the rest of the poem. This stopped the flow of the poem because it had to be read with a different meter than the rest of the poem.
The first stanza was a little hard to figure out the rhyme scheme.
"I was drowning, lost and alone.
Losing the war with myself and I alone.
Dreaming of love, but scared to get close.
My heart given to a girl
who never chose me over her phone.
Leaving me to face these demons on my own."
Fisrt, I had trouble figuring out what "alone" was supposed to rhyme with. It could have been four things:
1. Alone and alone can't rhyme with eachother.
2. Alone and close almost rhyme.
3. Alone and phone rhyme.
4. Close and phone almost rhyme.
And then "own" also rhymes or almost rhymes with all of those.
It would be fine as it is now, except for the fact that the second stanza had a clear ABAB rhyme scheme.
I know that is suggesting a lot of change, so of course don't feel any pressure to fix it. Either way, it is still a beautiful poem and the words you used work together so well!
*likes*
Hello!
Great job on this! 
You really wrapped it up in the end-
Fantastic job! The only real correction I could find was with the name. At first I was expecting it to be a love story from someone's birth to death. 
Of course you don't have to change it, it's just a suggestion. 
Again, great job! Keep writing! 
Usually I don't read a lot of romance....but when I do, I normally love it!
"So thank you for standing with me,
when everything went wrong.
Deep inside I realize in finding,
I found where I belong."
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome
Love, faith and rediscovering oneself is the main theme of this beautifully written poem. The message of love and longing is loud and clear. The words flow out easily, as if felt by a true 'third-wheel' one sided lover. I really think, that this poem is strong and heart-felt.
Kudos to the author @Collideascope!!! You are amazing! Would love to read more of your work!
One follower coming up!
Check out my poem 'Just a Spark'. Like, Follow, Comment, Review and Enjoy!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
~ SilverKnight007