These Walls

This was an awesome poem! Most of the stuff that I've been thinking about it has already been said by other people, though, so I'll try not to bore you too much with my thoughts.

It was a really cool poem, and very icy to the core, which is the kind of stuff I adore,
Honestly, you really do some really good writing, it makes your mind look like it's fighting,
The stuff you write is truly cool, and if it were food, I'd totally drool!

Sorry for rhyming,
Guess it's just bad timing,
But all the same,
This poem's INSANSE!

Thanks for posting and have a nice day! ^_^

That was powerful. I don't really know how to react. I have some corrections but over all this was very powerful and hit me hard.
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(No And) Despite it being winter, it is not the cold that chills me to the bone.

It is you(,)sitting on your chair, acting as if its your throne.

You see(,) it is you, yes you(next line)

who rules this house with fear.

Your piercing eyes remind me that I am not loved here.

Everyone believes you, and your lie that you hold me dear.

I wish they could just face it.

There is no love here.

And these walls that once protected me()

Are the walls to your kingdom

My corrections are in parentheses

But just wow.
This poem was... Wow

Hi Collideascope, Amindor here
Your poem is so brilliant I'm just screaming excitedly on the inside. (I don't want to freak out anyone in the house.) It's very beautiful and bold, and just astonishing. Although it is great, I only have one concern.

"It is you sitting on your chair, acting as if its your throne."

In most cases, the 'its' should have an apostrophe between the 't' and the 's' if you're making it like "it is" and combining the two. In this case, it should be like "it's." The only points where there isn't an apostrophe is when you're referring to someone's possession.

(Actually I see two, now, sorry.)

"You see it is you, yes you who rules this house with fear."

On the part "it is you, yes you who rules", there should probably be another comma for a pause. So it should be "it is you, yes you, who rules this house with fear." I'm not really sure about it, but that's how I would put it.

Your poem is very beautiful, and I enjoyed reviewing and reading it. I hope my review was helpful. Keep on writing!

I LOVED this. It's so strong, and bold, mutinous. Maybe the reason I like it so much is because I used to be in this situation myself, and I can tell you, every time you get mad, just keep writing. One day, you'll move out and you will look back, and instead of having a TON of hateful memories, you will have these poems. This is a defining point in your life, and I say, just WRITE through it. That's what I did. Great poem.

That was beautiful! I loved. The words went so perfectly together. And if this is really how you feel about your step mom, I'm sorry. I totally can relate with you, even though I don't have a step mom. I can easy imagine the discomfort and I know that I would feel very resentful. Hateful even.

Best of luck to you! <3

~BookWolf

*Likes*
*Follows*

Hmm this is really good! I loved how you compared your stepmother to a ruler and continued that metaphor throught the whole poem with castle walls, thrones, and kingdoms. It created strong emotion and a clear image. I normally don't like when the lines are different lengths in poetry, but it worked here. You had an interesting rhyme scheme that differed from the typical ABCB style. Your meter stayed fairly consistent in the entire poem. Your rhymes did not seem forced or stretched. I don't have any corrections; you did a great job! I can't wait to read more of your pieces!

Wait...one correction...
"And these walls that one protected me," should say, "and these walls the ONCE protected me."
Also in that same line, you should not end in a period because the next line is still part of that thought. Same goes for, "are the walls to your kingdom." This should not have punctuation because, "and your cold icy throne," is part of that thought.