I've always been second to you,
don't try and tell me it isn't true.
When we text and you disappear,
there's always an excuse.
I'd bring it up more often,
but if I do you'll only get mad.
Something's happened to the one,
who used to hold my heart so close.
Leaving me here wondering,
why I don't just leave and make it easier on us both.
Can someone please tell me,
what became of the love
once shared among us both.
Depleting every time,
you choose your computer over me.
I miss the sound of careless laughter
that once resonated in these halls.
Curiosity keeps nagging me
asking again and again,
how many times will I stand being second
before this relationship is at a end.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hey there, Collideascope. On a scale from one to ten this poem is probably an eight. It's very good. The title really gets us into the mood. "Second to Everything." I was already starting to get the idea.
The ending was my favorite part:
"Curiosity keeps nagging me
asking again and again,
how many times will I stand being second
before this relationship is at a end."
There is one mistake right there. It should be AN end.
And one other thing that to me would seem to make it sound better would be the phrase where you said "Leaving me here wondering, why I don't just leave and make it easier on us both." It might sound better "make it easier FOR us both." Just an idea.
Anyway, great work.
-B
Hello! Here I am to review...
Anyway, this is a pretty good poem. I like how you say "I miss the sound of careless" as apposed to 'carelessness', or any other word.
I was really thrown off by the rhyme scheme of the poem, though. At first I thought I could see a pattern, but then that kind of disappeared. Then, at other odd points there would be some rhyming, and I'm not sure if that was a mistake, or you were just trying to incorporate more rhyme. I suggest taking out some of the rhyme, so that it seems like less of a pattern.
Still! This was a very nice poem, thanks for the read.