Young Writers Society

Hello, @Collideascope! I am @emeraldfox, representing the Night Furies this review day!

Nice job on this! You incorporated so much imagery of the angel, blood, and snow. Your poem flowed beautifully and you had a nice meter. Your rhymes all worked well and didn't seem forced or stretched. The only spelling, grammar, etc. error I found was in the fifteenth line. You wrote, "the body’s on the ground." The correct word is "bodies" since it is plural, not possesive. You had a great use of punctuation in this poem.

My favorite lines in this were...
"Flawless white wings,
hiding the jagged battle scars
that people would find
unsettling to see."
These few lines had so much imagery and I could picture it perfectly.

I thought some stanzas would be nice to break the poem up a bit. If you haven't figured this out yet, formatting on this site can be tricky. When you start a new line, press shift + enter. This will single-space the lines. When you want to start a new stanza, don't press shift when you press enter. This will double-space the lines (as you have them now).

You are such a beautiful and talented writer and I love reading and reviewing your work! *likes* and *goes to review some more of your pieces*

Well, I liked the poem, it just wasn't what I was expecting to read. However, the concept is brilliant. The flow is also very good, although maybe the rhythm in the beginning could be cleaned up a bit. However, it truly is a beautiful work of poetry. Only problem is, when people click on this, they usually want something that will give them that warm and fuzzy holidays feeling. Maybe put something in the description about the real theme of it that will attract the audience that will really appreciate it. Personally, however, I thought it was amazing. Keep it up!
**wonderlandashes

Oh my!

This was quite an interesting poem, and not really what I expecting when I clicked on it. Still, I did like it, and thought it was an interesting way to look at typical Christmas traditions, like the previous reviewer mentioned.

That being said, the transition into the darker elements of the poem was a bit jarring, and I had to reread it a couple of times to make sure it was the right thing. If you want to build an ominous presence, I recommend doing it from the very beginning. Another comment that I would make is that it was a little confusing to follow. I would have liked to have seen a little more narrative coherence. What you could also try doing is reading this aloud, so you can get a better sense of the poetic flow.

Best of luck! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Hey!

I really enjoyed reading your poem!!

It's such a different way to look at Christmas. Even when I read the title I though "hmm this is probably going to about how great Christmas time is" wow was I ever wrong! It was such an easy poem to read. It flowed together so well! It was so vivid to, I could picture almost everything! Keep up the great work