Incentive.

herro there

This almost sounds like lyrics or a rap, to be honest.
I would have liked to see this broken into shorter stanzas somehow. Your choosing.
The biggest standout that caught me as a reader/reviewer off guard were your lack of apostrophes in contractions like 'doesn't' 'don't' 'I'm', etc.

There isn't much else I have to criticize on. Maybe come up with a more unique title rather than a key word that comes up multiple times. I always like to think of poem titles as one the reader wouldn't necessarily guess after reading the piece.

Seems like a very heavy-felt piece straight from your soul. That's good. Raw material is good.

That's about it. Keep it up!

This poem was really cool, though, I wish that you'd expanded on the ideals behind the conflict a little. Why exactly is this person being hated? I don't know why the POC is upset with them, and it would make it so much easier to understand it if I did. Other than that, though, it'a written awesomely, and it looks like you put tons of thought into writing this.

I look forward to reading your next poem, Collideascope! ^_^ keep up the excellent work! ^_^

Hey Collideascope!

We've not met, welcome to YWS! Let me know if you have any questions about the site, or if you want to chat up this poem. I'm digging your writing, I just think there are some conceptual things here and there that can be polished up.

With "Incentive" the speaker's tone here is angry and that anger really pervades throughout the entire piece. Reading it feels like I'm minding my own business and the person next to me is having a heated argument with somebody they are on the phone with, and I'm caught overhearing one part of the conversation.

Part of this effect is because of the "you and I" tug and war that's going on here, "don't lie to me" // "if you still don't get it" // "you're the reason I cut my skin" // While this technique can be effective in some cases, in this poem it's serving to alienate the reader. We're listening to this speaker who is upset and blaming "you", maybe even yelling at some other person, and it's not quite clear why the initial conflict, or who did what to who, or the other person's point of view in this.

By the end of the poem, I just kind of walk off not really caring. I think that there are plenty of opportunities here for us to care about the speaker, and I think it's in those moments when the speaker allows the reader to participate or get involved. The poem opens "pretend you were me" and for that one line, we are engaged and involved in the piece. When a reader stops here and goes to read more, they are giving you permission: okay, I'll pretend to be you. Tell me about yourself - what's going on? what happened? what's your story? how would it be like to be in your shoes?

But that is never expanded upon. There's no experience here for us to share in. The poem cuts us off, and we realize that it's not *us* who the speaker is talking to, it's almost like it's some residual grudge and the speaker puts it best: we don't get it, we're not in it. So, why should we care?

Don't get me wrong. Poetry writing is great for the self - it's meditative/cathartic and all of that. But when a poem is opened up for others, a poet has to consider his/her audience in the editing. No worries though, plenty of people, myself included still struggle with this too. Hopes this helps, keep writing!

~ Audy

This is a really great poem about addiction. Your words went very smoothly together and I really liked how you put feeling into the poem. I just have one little suggestion.

In the last line you said, "You’ll never tell a soul." Maybe instead of 'you'll', put 'I'll'. I just think that would sound better and have more of an impact. In my opinion anyway.

I really enjoyed this, keeping writing!

~BookWolf