Depession and Love.

Too* far. Interesting poem If you mean how many people seem to be approaching love the wrong way, I kinda agree -_- It's kinda like everyone is expecting to be all depressed over it. Where's the fun part? XP

To be honest, I'm not convinced that you understand what your writting about. I'm not trying to be rude, but the phrase, "When love can cause depression". That needs to be further explained (to me at least). It can be agreed that love is shared mutually between two people, yes? If one person believes to be in love, and the other didn't feel love in the first place, then that wasn't love to begin with.
But to tell the truth, thats really the only thing that stuck out to me. Everything else seemed to flow nicely enough. Maybe the ending seemed a little arrogent, "I would tell you my friend, but I've fallen to far to love, and down here in the dark, the answer would tear your heart apart.". Really? Would the information you know about love really tear me apart? It comes off as 'I know somethin you don't know'. But again, maybe I'm taking the poem too seriously. I truely enjoyed your poem, its just not 100% my style, but continue to write the way that sounds right to you.

Hello again Collideascope!

Wow, just, wow. This is a wonderful poem, I can definitely see how the world is coming to this. I do believe that love is disappearing off the face of the earth, making way for bed scenes. I also like how you described the relationship between love and depression, it is as true as it can get. One error was to be found though:

but I've fallen to far to love,

Great job ^-^ I like the message it creates. Love (most likely unrequited or the longing for, the lack thereof... ) can surely cause depression; make you feel as if you're trapped darkness with no way to escape... It also shows society's somewhat lost definition of the two. Good


Now, some issues...

-The flow; your rhyming scheme isn't very consistent -and in someplace it doesn't rhyme at all. Ex: "...and profanity. (This rhymes with what comes after the next line)

Leaving nothing behind,

but commercialized candy's. (candies?)

How do they all tie together,

depression and love?

When love can cause depression, (But where's the rhyming now?)

but depression cannot always produce love?"

Hmm... :/


-Again, the flow; some lines are a little long.
Ex:
"The definition of love,

has been written all across the walls that uphold humanity."

You see the second line here? Is there any way you can reword this or separate it into more than one line?

-A few grammatical and punctuation errors here and there. I'd rather not get into these. Grammar and I? Well, we don't get along very well in the evening hours. That is, when I've had a lack of sleep. Anyway...

-A couple words are out of place
Ex: "While the really meaning lies," ("meaning" and "really" should be switched)

-"but I've fallen to far to love" should be "but I've fallen too far to love"

-"When love can cause depression,

but depression cannot always produce love?" (Just not a big fan of this line)

-Repetition of love. The reader knows what you're talking about so it's not necessary to go back and repeat it.


Umm... I think that's it. Do keep writing! You certainly have potential ^-^

Hi there! I don't think this poem is cheesy at all because I am a very similar poet to you. I focus my writing on thoughtful topics that usually inspire hope in some shape or form. Yes, watch your grammar sometimes. But nobody's perfect, and I'd be one to talk if I criticized anything in a person's work when I make the same mistakes as them. So I shall just focus on the meaning of the poem...
It was sort of haunting in a way. I like how you smoothly connect the complete opposites of depression and love and at the same time that one can very well cause the other. Keep writing!

This was a well-written, emotional poem!

I did find a couple small mistakes, though....
"While the really meaning lies," should say, "While the real meaning lies."
"lost in the dark nights and muffled cry's," should say, "lost in the dark nights and muffled cries."
"it's been whiddled away to," should say, "it's been whittled away to."
"but commercialized candy's," should say, "but commercialized candies."
"but I've fallen to far to love," should say, "but I've fallen too far to love."

You are such a talented poet! Great job!

Here to review! ^-^

-sigh- As always, an amazing job. You are an amazing author about depression, better than I could ever be. Your grammar is good, your vocab is good, your punctuation is good... Stop being so good! You're making me feel inferior! XD

Well, this is kind of cheesy but it isn't bad. The main reason why I believe it to be fine is that I feel you. The feelings poured onto the letters are relevant enough though you could expand your language a little bit.