Embers and Smoke.
This war is long since over,
the world is standing still.
Scientists huddle over the corpses,
of the Demons and Angels that fell.
I know you're an angel
but I can tell you're in Hell.
The church bells ringing,
far off in the distance.
Makes this awful murder scene,
just a little bit serene.
I hope you take no solace,
while burdened with this knowledge;
those church bells wouldn't be sounding,
if they knew what happened here.
Have you learned your lesson?
Will you please end your endless plight.
How many more innocents need to say goodbye,
before you finally grasp the thought
I am what you made me,
labels, lies, and all.
Look at what you've made me,
A creature of the night.
Once upon a time,
I was almost ready to crack.
You tore down my walls
that held my demons back.
Now sit back and relax,
I bring the ending of this all,
It’s time for your cathedral to fall.
Because you can't seem to see
Past all of the hate and sustain you have for me.
So I guess your right.
All I am is a creature in the night,
and according to legend they don't die,
So mark my words neither will I.
.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Whoa. Holy. Crap. Can I say AMAZING?!
I love it!
You like... made me fangirl! Oh my word!
So many meanings! So much symbolism! So many feels!
-gets fangirling out of system- Ok. I'm good.
One thing I'd like you to consider is capitalizing all lines of this poem. That's how poems should be, or at least what I was taught.
This poem is just so perfect that I don't feel a need to share my relations or what I got from it. I wouldn't even know where to start.
It's about faith, about pain, about war between people, about how people have destroyed you.
One of the main things I got from this was that Christians act so perfect, and they try to make other's perfect, but really we're filled with negative things that are so unChristian, but we act like we are the nicest people you'll ever meet. We may start wars, but we deny it, we say it's what's best, we say it's what's best for others, but really, it's just as evil and selfish as any other war.
Thanks for sharing your art on YWS
*gasp
IS SPEECHLESS O:
This is fabulous. I love it. It has so much heart to it. I seriously have no words.
Collideascope,
yES. i AM CRAZY IN LOVE WITH THIS.
The endings to every one of your stanzas were beyond perfect. Ugh, and the last one *heart eyes* just completely fabulous!
I have basically no problems with this, the only thing that sounded weird was:
"Have you learned your lesson?
Will you please end your endless plight."
I just think that using 'end' twice so close together sounds awkward and repetitive. I suggest using a synonym to 'endless', such as 'infinite'. I believe it would sound even better.
Formatting was awesome for this, I like how it's gradual. It caught me off guard to see the last stanza to be so long, but was that like a visual thing? Like something falling? I don't know, it's cool either way, in my opinion. Since it holds the climax of the poem.
Awesome job! I'm looking forward to reading more of your works! Any changes are obviously ultimately up to you!
Keep expressing.
-Percybeth
This was so crazy good! Urghhh it makes me so jealous how talented you are! You dumped a lot of emotion into 35 lines! You had a really strong meter to the poem and your rhymes didn't seem forced or stretched. I also liked your use of punctuation. It had a great impact to your poem. There was a lot of imagery in this poem and it all connectde perfectly. I didn't find any grammatical, spelling, capitalization, or punctuation mistakes. Great job!
*Likes!*
Oh my goodness. Your words are electric, and how old are you? Thirteen?! You got me feelin' some typa way about your poetry, man. For real though, keep at it. You're really really good.
Thank you
Hello, Collideascope!
When reading just the first couple of sentences, I can tell what kind of poem this would be; detailed and filled with dramatic imagery. How the words are set up, row to row, is pretty great, as well as the pacing and flow of the overall story. I would like to add that the last sentence is not given much of an ending, since it is burdened with a comma, where I assume it was supposed to be a period. Nonetheless, great job on this. I look forward to reading more of your work.
8/10
Thank you. I have taken your review to heart and revised the ending. I hope you like it.