Born from the lies of a nation,
raised solely by devastation.
Scorned by those I used to trust,
betrayed by the ones whom I once loved.
Yet I refuse to be left behind,
just a stray thought in the corner of your mind.
I am the thread that binds your wrists together,
a demon on your shoulder, seeing all the things
you've tried to hide your whole life.
How do you think it would feel
if I tore down your world, just like you did mine?
There's not a single place you can hide this time,
nor a lie that will save you, from the fate that awaits you.
Make one wrong move, put a foot out of time
with the music played by angels,
who've protected you all this time,
and I promise you I'll make you see,
through my eyes all the awful things you've done to me.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here, a review from the nest. I would like to begin this poem is so amazingly well-written that i think this should be published and how you make the tone a lovely piece of art. I enjoyed this poem and how this poem reminds of something a professional poet would have wrote since you make the reader hooked onto the poem with the first words of the poem or how you make the reader think about someone they hate and what they might have done to them. This poem gives a great mood, as well since you can be an evil person with a angel heart even if it means you got to prove it the hard way.
Also the tone of this poem is amazing. You let the readers soak up every word in this poem and the person inside this poem is trying to prove a point like sure like you were ever sorry for my pain that you have created but you will never understand my pain, until you look through my eyes at the pain everyone has caused me.
I can relate to this poem since I too was always beat around, no one helping me out so whenever they wanted to say sorry, I shake my head and walk away. This poem summarizes my everyday and now, I understand how other people feel too.
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
hey there,smile here with a review
SO,i really liked the idea of this poem, very enjoyable and kind of scary ( in a good way)
"Born from the lies of a nation,
raised solely by devastation.
Scorned by those I used to trust,
betrayed by the ones whom I once loved.
Yet I refuse to be left behind,
just a stray thought in the corner of your mind."
i love the way you started this.you used a very catchy and powerfull vocabulary and everything just flows GREAT tegether.
"I am the thread that binds your wrists together,
a demon on your shoulder, seeing all the things
you've tried to hide your whole life.
How do you think it would feel
if I tore down your world, just like you did mine?"
in this part i like how you gave more details and descriptions, when reading this i really can imagine stuff and again GREAT CHOICE OF WORDS
also that question in the end soo......dramatic .
the same thing about the last part,it was good and seemed so challenging .
i only have one thing to suggest, your poem seemed a bit short,just a bit ...you should add more lines to the last part,more details about that challenging .
overall..
your poem is very good and mysterious,i found it attractive because it made me think and meditate.....YES, that's totally a good thing.so keep writing
BOOM *appears in a dramatic flare of smoke*
But not nearly as dramatic as your poem! By god but this is great. I love it I love it I love it! You know, it actually reminds me a lot of Phantom of the Opera. But then again everything does now.
I love your elegant, powerful word choice, and how you got so much emotion and pain and hurt across in just three short stanzas.
I am usually am very strict when reviewing rhythm and rhyme scheme of poetry, if it has a definable rhyme and rhythm. But though your rhyme scheme is varied and erratic, I like how it adds a similarly varied and erratic pattern to the rhythm. It helps to convey the anger, hurt, and sheer hatred of this poem. I'm not sure if you planned that on purpose or just did it instinctively, but it's very nicely done.
Just one nitpick- a lot of the stanzas are fragments or run-ons. Take, for example the first stanza: all fun-on sentences, no subjects to them: only verb clauses. This, however, might be a stylistic choice. I'm not sure if it adds to or detracts from the poem, so I'll leave it to your discretion, but if you do choose to fix it I implore you not to change too many of the words! It seems like you've got the wording here almost just right, and I'd hate to see you accidentally screw it up trying to fix something that doesn't necessarily need to be fixed. Most of the mistakes are very small and can be fixed with a mere replacement of punctuation.
Wonderful, fantastic, phenomenal job on this, and as always, keep writing!
-ladcat13
Hi! CHRISSY here with some feedback!
I feel that this poem was great! Very full of detail! The funny thing is it reminds me of Katniss from Hunger Games! lol, but it may just be me. Ok, so overall, you did good. I just feel a little bummed that you may have just got the inspiration from your self- the way you feel, and if that is the case- I want you to feel better! I know that sometimes I feel like this- we all do! Thanks! Keep writing!
Hi! CHRISSY here with some feedback!
I feel that this poem was great! Very full of detail! The funny thing is it reminds me of Katniss from Hunger Games! lol, but it may just be me. Ok, so overall, you did good. I just feel a little bummed that you may have just got the inspiration from your self- the way you feel, and if that is the case- I want you to feel better! I know that sometimes I feel like this- we all do! Thanks! Keep writing!