Sleep.
I hope you sleep well tonight.
Knowing my defiance is still burning bright.
Give up on this endless plight.
Hells gates are burning bright.
Surrounded by the fallen ones,
and heavens flawless angels,
that will never again take flight
until we’re all gone,
forgotten in the night,
until our crimson savior,
sets the planet burning bright.
I have no need to rest
in the place you call home.
It’s foreign to me, and reminds me of a tomb.
Theres hardly anything left of me,
other than skin and bones.
You’ve rendered me inhuman,
a creature darkened by lies.
I hope you now know.
Creatures of the night don’t die.
So when you lay your head down tonight,
make sure you’ve said your goodbyes.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Ohohoh! I like this poem, especially the end line, it sounds like somebody's gonna die tonight! Haha.
Although, that may just be my own personal interpretation, like how "there's hardly anything left of me, other than skin and bones," makes it sound like the perspective is anorexic, or so mentally drained that they're only a body.
"The place you call home is foreign, and reminds me of a tomb," is an awesome line, too, because a lot of people who live in their own homes don't really feel like their home is a home at all, and though I'd hate to admit it, I am one of those people.
^_^ AWESOME WORK, YOU SHOULD BE PROUD TO WRITE SOMETHING SO COOL!
I hope you have an awesome day! ^_^
This poem kinda hit me hard. If I'm correct, this poem is about the inability to sleep? If so, I can completely relate. I've been an insomniac for quite some time, and this poem (more or less) describes what the lack of sleep can feel like. But as I always mention, that's just my own interpretation.
The fact that both the beginning sentence ("I hope you sleep well tonight"), and the last sentence ("So when you lay your head down tonight, make sure you've said your goodbyes") both remain as positive, while all the other sentences have this dark and eerie quality. It's contrast that is used perfectly. Thanks for writing this, it definitely made me feel better, despite its darkness.
Thank you, im glad I could help make you feel better.
This is a very, very good poem and I don't know why it has so few reviews. Thanks to the rhyme, I feel like the strength of the poem is increased. The ending of the poem is especially good:
"You’ve rendered me inhuman,
a creature darkened by lies.
I hope you know know.
Creatures of the night don’t die.
So when you lay your head down tonight,
make sure you’ve said your goodbyes. "
It's poignant and warning--almost scary. It's foreshadowing what's to come, though we don't quite know what it is. Is this creature going to kill them? Will they drag this person down to hell with them? It's just enough to let our imagination run wild.
Keep up the good work!
Wow! This is a pretty powerful poem. Definitely keep writing! I don't think I could write poetry this well when I was your age! I, like BookWolf, like this part:
I'm sorry that this is a poem coming from your real life. And I'm sorry it's gotten worse.
Maybe you really don't want a critique of this poem; maybe this is only to get stuff off your chest. So if you don't care about critiques, that's fine, just ignore this. I'm just going to point out a few punctuation/capitalization things. The content of this poem is good.
Line 2, delete the period at the end of the line and make the first letter of line 3 lowercase. In line 5, "hells" needs an apostrophe. Line 7 makes more sense without a comma at the end. You could leave the two fragments of "Until we're all gone" through "sets the planet burning bright" but the punctuation there makes the lines a bit... jolting... sudden. That jolting, harsh, bald, suddenness may be what you're going for. If so, don't mess with those lines. If not, I'd do this:
Or leave the second fragment.
Apostrophe in "theres." Also, the line might make more sense without a comma at the end of the line. Grammatically, as a sentence, there wouldn't be a comma after "me."
Did you mean to write that? Or maybe "know now"? Or something else?
Great job on this poem! It made me able to, in a way, feel what you are feeling, and remember times I have felt like this with people in my own life. (Usually my dad.) You're right, it's pretty dark. I'm sorry. I don't know if this will sound strange, but I will be praying for you. (You can think I'm crazy if you want.) Even though I don't know you, I know you a little through what you've written, and I hope things get better for you. Or even if they don't, that you will be able to get through them.
~ jessiethought ~
That was great!
I can relate with this so much. My favorite part was,
It seriously made me grin and I hope to read more of your stuff.
There's hardly anything left of me,
other than skin and bones.
You’ve rendered me inhuman,
a creature darkened by lies.
~BookWolf