Young Writers Society

Like, literally. If you remove these chapters, I will slaughter you like the Legion did the rebellers.

No! Keep these chapters in! Bro! They are so necessary! It's perfect! Don't remove them! Don't do it!

Hello, Artemis! Wolf here for a review.

Lucian D: No! For a second there I swore he was dead. And I wouldn't have been surprised if he was dead either. It would've been the perfect plot twist. Then he would've rose from he dead and freaked Billie out, continuing the story like normal. (I can dream!)

Anyways, another great, great chapter here. Don't cut them. They flow very well, just I wish you would've added more detail what the festival was all about. Were there special events? I guess nothing too relevant since you didn't mention it, but it feels rather dull.

Another thing which I'm left wonder about is how did Billie suddenly get do good with magic? I guess I never really completely understood how this magic worked before, because every other time there was something to do with energy building and allowing a bridge to gap energy to the body, etc, etc. But now, Billie can do it without a second thought? I feel like that's a little strange. Plus, how do the powers work? It feels sort of like everyone has the same powers. How do the fey differ from anyone else? I guess Billie's not a fey and she's different, so her differences are harder to spot, but I'm curious.

And what the heck is up with Lucian? He's being so rude. Like, Billie's trying to help him out, and she obviously not leaving, so don't waste your breath and let the girl fight! Geez. Sorry about that.

Anyways, the tensions are really getting up there. It seems like not everyone is very pleases with how the Union's running things, and I'm curious to see more of what Lucian thinks, since he's not completely pro Union either. He wouldn't get Billie involved, but what's would he do? Only way to find out it so read. Once again, amazing job! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~

Review day!!! Representing the green team!!!! Whohooo!!

Wow things are really heating up!!! Am I right????

*Sarcastically* Oh no. Lucian almost died. That would've been fine with ME. Man, is he being a jerk or what!! And you do a really good job of making us love him as a character bc I almost threw my iPod when he got trampled. And then I realized that that wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen. Hunter getting trampled would be quite worse.


Was the chaotic opposite thing important?? Because it seems like one of those unnecessary things that you need to cut/shorten when you combine the chapters. Decide what things are the most important and keep those

The Phoenix’s song reaches a climax, when a large black arrow suddenly pierces its chest. Its song turns to a scream as the wound grows and it’s swallowed up by blackness before it disappears from the sky.

There’s shouting and screaming as people rush to get away from the steps. A man remains behind them, dressed in all blue, holding a crossbow. He’s shouting something, but I can’t make it out. But before I can try he’s surrounded by the silver clad UEA personnel. Some pull out small contraptions which transform into translucent shields. They form a barrier between him and the audience, while the others turn on him. He blasts them backward with his palm, but others come up behind him, forcing him to his knees. But then they fall as several other blue-clad warlocks come up behind them. And then some red-clad wizards send blasts of energy toward those warlocks. The yellow-clad fey rush in as well, but the green-cloaked witches block their way. Magical jets of energy in all colors erupt from all sides, turning the capitol building steps into a blaze in a matter of moments. It might have been beautiful, if it not for the screams. The non-violent citizens try to flee the steps, but they run into the confused mass below. There’s nowhere for them to go.

“Momma!” A small boy screams. My heart lurches. Lucian mutters something under his breath before diving forward.

“Lucian!” Selene screams as I run after him.

“Billie!” She also screams, but I don’t stop. Lucian’s faster than me, but I’m smaller and can squeeze between the panicking bodies more quickly.

hello there!

I have not read the other chapters in this series of yours, so I'm sorry if this isn't a very personal review. XD
Because of this, I also don't have too much to say about improving content.
You're very good at placing certain words in spots where they should be, and arranging phrases and thoughts. Overall a very good writer!

I love the aspect of magic in this story. A subject very dear to my heart and one I'm trying to master as well. You're very good at writing with it.

I, too, have used a character named Lucian, so I felt especially attached to him while reading this

Keep up the good work in this series! Sorry if I didn't have much to say about improvement...I enjoyed the read!

~iron.n

Howdy! Looks like my team's dropping back a bit so I thought maybe I'd do one more. I may be a bit old and rusty but I've never been one to go down without a fight

Specifics

1.

I suppress a sigh and follow after him. It’s like the Spirit festival all over again. For some unexplained reason he’ll scarcely speak to me, look at me, and he’ll flinch away whenever my skin threatens to touch his. Clearly, whatever happened seven days ago in my hotel room is ancient history. And after today, our week together is over and I’m heading to the facility until school starts. And now that I’m caught up, who knows if he’ll be my tutor. Not that I care.

The Phoenix opens its lips, letting out a soft, quiet note.

The square falls silent as the note grows louder, turning into an ethereal, complicated melody. I reach my hand up toward it, answering the call of its unearthly melody. Many people around me do the same.