Untitled

Hey! Here to review this poem.
Like someone above had mentioned, I didn't know what this was at first. The line

Can they say, 'I love you, no matter what'?

It has always been a one way thing

This poem is so true. It is always hard to find real friends. But I think I can tell them apart, fake and real. I am at an international school, so people move here, stay for a year or two, or luckily four before leaving again. I, ham meant to stay here the rest of my life. So nearly every year I make new friends and watch old ones good. Real friends, they are the ones who'll keep in touch with you always, no matter what, even if you doubt you'll ever see each toehr again. Maybe they might lose touch but they'll somehow find you again, because they bother. Fake friends, keep in touch for a while, but a month or two later they'll never remember you. This poem proves it so much.

Once again, I rambled. Poem. Yes, I loved it. You made it sound like a grandma talking to her granddaughter, especially the way you put 'dear' in with the final line. But it sounded nice and the line did um up the whole poem extremely well. I think that was my favourite line out of them all.

Keep writing!

Deanie x

PS. possibility for title: True friends

D: Qara doesn't seem to get many reviews......


maybe it's just that I get her before most others? I hope so. And I guess it's good that people are going to review things with no reviews at all? *nods uncertainly*

Anyway!

I loooooooooooooooove love love the heart of this piece. You're adorable, y'know that? :3 And there's nothing wrong with the words themselves.

The thing is, I can't find the rhyme or meter anywhere.

Nowait, scratch that, I don't care about the rhyme. It's not necessary.

The meter, however....

I just don't know. There are rambling poems, and it's fine as-is, but it doesn't really draw me in. I needs more poeticness. :p

Don't get me wrong, I love this version. It just.... needs something. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful--I'm hoping to get schooled once I go to school for this.

Also..... *whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee*

You just described me. *siiigh* I don't know where to find friends who will call. It's getting a lot better, but I don't have anyone who calls me every day.

Thanks for submitting this. It was fun to read.

Okay, so I haven't really reviewed much poetry in awhile, so I hope this seems adequate enough. I really liked how in the beginning this seemed like it could be another lovers poem, but your last line proved it to be about friendship. I felt a little dumb for assuming it wasn't about that type of relationship. x) But it just read off that much more powerful to me in the end, I suppose. Upside!

There were only a few nitpicks I could spot that stood out to me. Like I said, I haven't really been reviewing much poetry lately so I'm not that fresh on mechanics! But I tried to pick out some of the things I could find. Corrections will be in red, my comments in blue for your eyes. ^-^ Here they are:

Are they there when they should be(?) (I'm pretty sure this line uses a question mark at the end rather than a comma like what you had.)

Open your eyes and look around(.) (I'm also pretty sure this line could use a period rather.)
Can't you see what's going on?
It has always been a one way thing,
And it will soon come to an end. (Right here I think you broke off in pattern or rhyme scheme. Whatever you had going on with the pattern of the poem seemed to break off a little here. There's too long of an interruption between lines 2 and 5 I think.
Once you're tired of the everlasting giving,
They'll let you fall and move on.

Well, I liked this poem a lot. I haven't seen one like it, even though the subject used a fair amount of time, and that's a good thing. It flowed well too, and even the long sentences didn't ruin it like they usually do to poems.

Do they tell you the truth?
Can they say, 'I love you, no matter what'?
Are they there when they should be,
Do they beg you for forgiveness when they're not?

Can you call them in the middle of the night,
When you can't sleep no matter how hard you try?
Do they even notice when things aren't right,
And when you're breaking down, do they stand by your side? Lovely stanza.

Open your eyes and look around,
Can't you see what's going on?
It has always been a one-way thing,
And it will soon come to an end.
Once you're tired of the everlasting giving, Good use of the word here.
They'll let you fall and move on.

It's time to go find real friends, dear. Love this last line! Ends the poem well and completes the main idea.