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142,224 Literary Works • 677,045 Reviews
Awesome job. Sooooooooooo relatable.
Hey Qara!
For this poem... one of the things that struck me was that all these people seemed to do was they looked at each other and then they occasionally stabbed each other. Don't they do anything... else? It seems a little bit simple, if you know what they mean. One thing that you might think about doing is expanding on the sensual imagery here. You use sight (with them looking at each other) and then you used touch (with him stabbing her). But... if you add more senses (taste will give it a more erotic edge, smell will make it more human, voices will make it spring out more, and a softer touch will give nice contrast to the stabbing) then it'll be better.
Basically, what you are doing is just repeating your same images over again. You can do this... it's awesome. But, see if you can spice up your poem a little by introducing new things. It'll make things more interesting.
Good luck!
Karin!
It seems like the poetic forces accumulated your mind and have brought you to write this powerful piece with such detailed emotions.
The imagery is so sublime and it makes the poem punchy and meaningful at the same time. There is really no where I can point my finger to show any place where it needs to be altered. The use of words is so good -
These lines just ooze with a regretful and hurt-stricken tone and really bring about the atmosphere of the poem.
Word perfect and with great meaning.
This line has made a personal impression on me in a way. It's nice to know that you are needed but it also stings when you thrown away to be forgotten by many. The sentiment in these lines clearly portray the mood that you were going for and this to me is what is the focal point of the poem. Hypocrites and liars will tell us everything we want to hear but are willing to withdraw every single word for just their sakes alone.
In the end, we should come to terms with reality and accept the fact that the person we thought we had known was just someone else behind a mask. Be your graceful self and end whatever disputes anyone throws at you in a kindly manner and there will not be a single person willing to cheat you.
Time and again, you're proving to be a formidable poetess! There's great poetic talent hidden in your chocolate coated mind and this is just a small glimpse of all that. I'm sure there is more to come!
Keep it up, you've done a great job.
Murtuza
Love it ..... Full of emotion .... tells an amazing story .... and well .... I just genrally Love it!
I know that this isn't much of a review but .... I'm just not that good at pointing things out ... It makes me feel bad :L
Lorna
xxxx