Invisible tears
stream down on my face
my lips frozen in a smile
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
I liked this! But you do need to add more.
This is not the amazing review I promised you XD thats coming soon.
My advice: more!
Deanie x
I love short poems
this is a good one
it shows so much
with so little
keep
it
up
well it is a good poem. But i think it would be alot better if you add more line to it.
I must disagree with everyone here. I think that when i read this poem, I was infact expecting more. But, upon reading it, i was blown away with understanding and a powerful connection to what you wrote. Invisable tears, the epitome of your true deep hidden emotion, your face frozen in a smile, so overcome with grief that all you can do is hide it. There is much behind these three lines, and with the right level of understanding from the the reader, this can be a really powerful poem.
Wow. I read this and was like, where's the rest of the poem. I like the start you have but no poem can be 3 lines long, that's barely even a stanza! Add more onto it, elaborate on the idea, and pretty soon you'll get a nice poem. If you ever add more, I'll review it for you!
It's just three lines, but it has an impact. Some poems are very long and seem like dragging, but your poem was nice, a bit different. I liked it. Keep up the work.
I agree that this does need to be added to. It's frustrating to be left hanging lol! But there is powerful emotion started so once you get in the same state of mind, or reach somewhere inside you for more, write it down. This has so much potential!
Yes this poem is too short. Sometimes a short poem is all we need but in this case it leaves us hanging wanting more. In order to connect to the reader you should add more. Think about it, walk around with a notepad and whenever something comes up write it down, it may come in fragments and make little sense but it will eventually build up to become quite amazing. Another thing, with this kinda poem jot things down when you are low, sadness awakens emotion and emotion awakens creativity at its best.
xxx
This needs to be added to! Even though this is pretty powerful for only three lines, it's just not enough to stand on its own. It leaves too many ifs in our heads, and doesn't hint at what's going on or even how the narrator honestly feels. Build off of this, make it evolve into something.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver