You were wrong

I love this poem. It shows how life is too short. But don't just look at it as a game. It is a really deep, meanigful poem. I think you wrote it well and keeping it short also made it nice. The words were all smooth except for that line that was too long here:

qaralynn wrote:You said life is too short,
Don't leave things undone.
But now I'm standing at your grave,
And realize life isn't just about having fun.
You never took anything serious,
And went your own way.
Now I'm just wondering,
If you said the same,
While staring in the eyes of the death.

I really like this poem, short sweet and to the point! The spelling, grammar, and punctuation is good. Scratch that, really good. I could really feel what was running through your mind when you wrote this poem. You painted a crystal clear, 3-D picture. Keep writing!

~Fortiii

Love it. Says so much with so little. I totally get what it says and definatly agree. Life may be short but all whims have a consequence if you're not carefull about them. Don't mean to be a gloomer because I definatly want to live my life to the fullest with no regrets too, but I get it.

I really liked this poem. However, I agree with the other about the last line. I think if you change the word choice, it'll be smoother. But overall, I liked it.

I really enjoyed your poem! It was short and straight to the point. However, I agree with tydecker, that the last line kind of threw off the flow. The rest of it was really good, but the last line didn't sound right. I liked the way you ended it, just try and find other words. Other than that correction, I thought the poem was really well-written

I like this poem and it proves that not all poems have to be ridiculously long in order to get a message across. However, the ending of this poem turned a little bit sour. With short poems, its better to keep the rhyming all the way through just because it sounds wonky otherwise. For instance.

There once was a man from Rome
Who delighted in writing a poem.
But every darn time
The poem wouldn't rhyme.
Because he tried to fit so many words into the last sentences that it didn't make any sense at all.
(It's a cute little poem a father of one of my friends told me once)

But the point of that is to show you that with such a short poem, it needs to keep a steady beat, or its just silly, no offense. I hope you take my criticism as constructive. But I really do like this poem, it resembles something that I've written in the past, same story to tell. =] Good luck.

Pretty good poem. Just something about the punctuations to help make the flow smoother and so that the lines don't run into each other.

You said life is too short,
Don't leave things undone.
But now I'm standing at your grave,
And realize life isn't just about having fun.
You never took anything serious,
And went your own way
Now, I'm just wondering
If you said the same,
While staring in the eyes of the death.

Hey QaraQaraQarafriend! Your plushie is going to review for you again! xD Okay, I like the poem, especially the last line. But I'm gonna help you with the puntuation. Poems don't have to have puntuations though, but here's how I would do it.

You said life is too short,
Don't leave things undone.
But now I'm standing at your grave,
And realize life isn't just about having fun.
You never took anything serious,
And went your own way.
Now I'm just wondering-
If you said the same,
While staring in the eyes of the death.

Overall, you did a great job! Keep writing!

~SolvyPlushie! <3