Staring in the mirror
disgust with what you see
No perfect model
just the normal you and me
You're changing up your look
Ruining your hair
putting on all your make up
more than you can bare
And all of a sudden you forget
that you were made to be you
and you are beautiful
Beautiful the way you are
Don't change
into an empty barbie
don't change
the one you truly are
Because in the end
that's what it's all about:
you are beautiful
Beautiful the way you are
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Hi there!
All right, my comments are in red below.
Overall this is a good poem. You did a good job putting enough emotion into this. I really enjoyed it. Keep writing!
I love this piece, simple yet very captivating and full of message. I noticed that you started with the rhyming scheme ABAB in the first two stanzas, and couldn't keep up with that in the subsequent stanzas.
"Because in the end
that's what it's all about: I didn't see the need for a colon here, it's either there is a run-on to the next line or a full stop is put there.
Like I said, excellent piece, keep writing
I don't want a single thing to change in this poem. It is wonderful. And bears and ever so true story. People are looking at perfection as beauty, but what makes people beautiful is not only the perfections in life, but also the imperfections. I think someone is truly beautiful when they acknoweledge both things.
As usaul I just rambled into another subject. (I am always told to focous) Okay... the poem: beautiful. My favourite verse was the first one when the person looked in the mirror was not happy.
I don't have much to say,but to anyone who feels this way:
God made you fearfully and wonderful. Thats the way he made you.
Deanie x
Hi there.
This poem is so... beautiful. QaraQaraQaradear!!! I love this! I would use punctuation, though... but it's okay like it is, punctuation is not obligatory these days. xD Overall: You did a great job!!
Now, some nitpicks:
This is definitely my favorite stanza. I love how it rhymes. xD
'Cause I've actually found myself doing that sometimes, but I'm not going to tell you.Barbie is a name, therefore it should start with a CAPITAL letter.
P.S. Mentioning her was just perfect.
Keep Writing!
~SollyPlushieeeeee <3
such a lovely poem i can not think of anything to impove it. It brings great joy to read it and i hope you keep it the way it is.
Hi! For me, this is like a cross between christina and bruno....but I believe you if you said it didn't have an influence on your writing. I liked this poem. It had a lovely message. I enjoyed the bit about ruining hair and putting on make-up, because teenage girls tend to do that. However, it was a little plain. Spice up the poem with some more adjectives and describing words. Anyways, great job!
~ Amelia