I see you staring at me
Trying to figure out what's wrong
I know it's always hard to see
What keeps me from moving on
You don't always know what to say
But when you give me one of your hugs
It feels like my problems fade away
And my life no longer sucks
I don't need words
Just your hug
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140,591 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
It's me Demon again... And QARA you're an amazing poet. They're also sweet and beautiful and romantic without being to deep and heartwrenching... They're just cute and lighthearted and I love'ehm!
Suggestions and edits in bold!
* Good structure
* Flow is okay
* Amazing content
* Barely any grammatic errors
So... For the simplicity yet awesomness of this short little poem I'll give you 5/5 icky sticky spiders!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
This poem was short but very sweet. It shows just how much a hug can mean to someone. I didn't even notice it rhymed until I read it through a second time though! It had a lovely flow to it, but the ending was really cute. There was a sudden end to the flow of your words though, in the last verse. It just stopped because the sentences was so short.
I think my favourite lines are the last two. It shows that hugs mean more than words. And I think that was a great way to end the poem!
Good job, keep writing!
Deanie x
I see you staring at me (comma)
trying to figure out what's wrong (comma)
I know it's always hard to see
what keeps me from moving on (period)
You don't always know what to say
but when you give me one of your hugs(comma)
It feels like my problems fade away
and my life no longer sucks (period) This line sounds immature because of the wording
I don't need words
Just your hug This feels like a weak ending. Dress is up with some words that aren't so plain as 'need', etc.
This was a really cute poem :]
-KatTrain
Nice! Very nice! I thought this poem was very sweet. It was also short, which is good. I mean, hugs aren't that complex, so a poem about it doesn't need to be, either. There were no grammatical errors in the POEM, but you need to capitalize 'hug' in the title. Thanks for writing!
-TSM
Hi-ya! I didn't read the previous comments so they don't influence mine. Here's my comments!
This sounds like lyrics in the making! I got into it and then it just stopped cold turkey, and I want more!
As many people have said before, it needs to be "fleshed out" (whatever that means
To me, it could use some more emotion and imagery. You've got a great start here! I hope to read more!
I don't understand the rhyming hugs with sucks... but okay! Great poem.
I don't know if my review will even compare to Anime's review, but I can offer more helpful hints and more points for the Bamboozlers(:
One thing that I would offer as a suggestion is punctuation. In my opinions look more complete with punctuation, but without looks more simple and clean. Either one is good, but there are a few areas where I think could use a period, semi colon, comma, etc. But we won't get into that too hard core(:
There are many, many parts of this poem that I like very much. The biggest part that I like most is the "organization." For one, you did the same amount of lines in each stanza, except for the last one that had only two lines. But that's good because it's like a cliff hanger or a suspended mystery. Also, you capitalized the first letter of each line, which is good because the stanzas look even, along with the decision you made to not use punctuation.
This may seem a bit contradicting, so allow me to explain. My personal preference is even punctuation, but not doing any punctuation is good too.
This is a really good poem!
~Fortiiii
Hey there!
I'm almost never in the poetry forums because I'm shocking at writing poems. They never seem to rhyme properly and they're always awkwardly worded. But, for a fellow Bamboozler, I'll give it a shot!
So. I agree with everything that anime has said. It's short, but sweet and I think the whole thing is rather cute.
A hug is a simple thing, but it can mean a lot. I get that, from your poem, you feel the same way. Wouldn't life be easier if a hug could solve everything?
I think that rhyming 'hugs' with 'sucks' is maybe pushing it a bit, but as this poem is so short and lovely, I'll let you off
I also agree with anime on the last stanza feeling too short. I'm a sucker for things matching up and looking equal, so I think this would look better if all of the stanzas had four lines. I have no idea what you could add in though. Maybe something about how the hugs solve everything. Okay, honestly, I have no idea where that idea is going, but you get my general thoughts, don't you?
Well, that's about all I have to say about this lovely poem.
Thanks for sharing!
xDudettex
p.s - Go team Bamboozle!!!!
Hm. Very short and sweet. I like it.
.....I wish I had someone like this.
Sucks? XD
Interesting rhyme, there.
This last line feels a bit empty, because all the rest of them have *counts* four lines. You cut the last stanza in half!
Overall, I like this. I wanna hug, toooooooo......
And you're so blessed to have someone you feel comfortable hugging. It's awkward with all of my guy friends.... we do the *slap slap slap* kind, if I get a full hug, which is almost never.
And it was difficult to make this go up to 1,000 characters....... ;P