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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hey qaralynn
Nice to see you around! On an irrelevant note - how do you pronounce your username? Is it Cara-lin? That's how I've been saying it 
This poem was so powerful. You conveyed that overall theme of guilt so wonderfully. I love how you began each stanza with "little boy" and how you didn't explain the backstory or anything to the piece, because it leaves it open to the readers' interpretation. What exactly did the little boy do? Who is it that is talking to him? All left unexplained for the reader to decide. The imagery you used was great, and apart from a few awkward lines and the rhythym occasionally becoming a bit choppy, this was fantastic. Just a few nitpicks:
I think you could cut out the "for" in this part.
Hmm."Stay around" doesn't sound quite right to me...maybe you could use "still linger" or "still stay." The "around" seems unecessary. Same with here:
I think just simply "long ago" will sound better. I also think that you could possibly cut out "'cause" because it will still make sense with the previous line: "It has nothing to do with your fragile innocence;/You lost that long ago." By cutting these few words out you don't lose any of the meaning, but you do achieve a slightly better flow.
Now just for some stuff I really liked:
I'm unsure as to whether or not this was intentional, but I love the little internal rhyme in this sentence (mind, behind.)
As Murtuza pointed out before, this part is lovely. Don't change it.
A very nice tie-in with the title. Although, I think you could also omit "around" from this line. Not necessary though; it's still a great ending.
Overall, well done! Hope my ravings helped
Simply wonderful Qara! I love the imagery. It felt a bit choppy in some areas, but overall, not bad at all.
Wow, this is really powerful.
"I know you still wash the blood of your hands, little boy
It seems to be stuck under your nails.
I know you can see the dark blood stains,
Though they have already faded away;
You can't wash away the memories."
- Yup, my favourite lines. Your poems are getting better and better every time, qara! Great job!
Nice usage of words here as well ("big broken eyes" etc). The persona is left forever to be doomed in his own sorrow of the past. I don't have issues with the piece and since it is free verse, I don't think it needs any polishing
Very nice qara!
XD