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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Wow. I love the aura you created with this poem! I can just feel the tension that is in the room...everyone has been in awkward situations before, which makes this poem very relatable. Also, it makes you wonder the story behind this meeting; it makes readers ask why they've come together and what the papers might say. My favorite part of this poem is when you are talking about the sigh of relief once they finally depart. It is crazy how people can feel so uncomfortable in their environment and not realize it until they finally get a moment alone. Those lines captured that perfectly! Fantastic job
Jadefox here,
Reading this poem brought a smile to my face with the line,
"Cold, uncomfortable; we pull away, forget the awkward laugh."
The poem entertained me on the thought of the reality of the business world, which can sometimes be a little to formal if you ask me. Especially since I'm always trying to make jokes, it depends on how successful they really are.
Okay, back to business. (That was sort of a joke...how about you decide?)
ANYWAYS! (Sorry, it's late and I really shouldn't be reviewing.) The only problem for me with the poem was the ending, it just seemed a little awkward after one long stanza. For me, I would have left out the line "Goodbye, my passionate friend." and ended simply with "Until our next meeting." this is more of a stylistic choice though.
I know some people might think that one long stanza may be hard to look at, and it is for me, but again, another stylistic choice. When I do write poetry, (which is not very often) I usually break it down into smaller stanzas and have more fun with the format.
Okay, good night.
Lovely poem Karin.
As always. And keep writing more poems or I will have to take away your chocolate and haunt you for all eternity. Mwuhaha *smiles innocently and vanishes*
<3
I want to love this, because I love the idea of it, but... I wish you played around with the style a little bit more.
You see, I love the idea of this. It kind of reminds me (in a good way!) of Pink Floyd's "Welcome to the Machine" which I kind of adore. Except, it's more of a businessy sort of meeting, etc.
Still... the writing of this poem isn't very professional (as far as business writing goes), and I wish it were. I feel like it should be clipped and cut short and removed of some the explanations in order to streamline the poem (streamlining things and cutting out the excess... always good in business!)
So, basically, I kind of wish you just stripped this down to the bare bones so that you could stylistically recreate what you were saying. The poem would be so much more awesome if you did this!
Still... I love the idea!