Stop pretending like you don't care,
Because I know you do.
I can see the tears that you are trying to hide.
Thanks for looking after me,
But now it's your turn to let it out.
Don't worry, it's okay to cry
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This is really short, but it gets the point across. I really love the way you make it seem so short and simple, yet get a story across at the same time. One thing I would like to see come out of this would be a little more detail. WHY doesn't she care? WHY is it her turn to let WHAT out? I think that if you added a little more to this, it'd be a huge improvement
Okay KariLynn, AWESOME. But if it was longer, I would faint with the genius and beauty of it all.
Keep writing!
-Clarity'xo
really really beautiful because it is really short but has a lot and lot of meanings and beautiful words and in only six lines you can see a whole story and lot of ideas , i hope one day i will be able to write like you
QARA QUEEN! + sister!
I loved this little poem! It was really short, but I think writing short poems is a test. It's like trying to find out how much emotion you can display by the smallest amount of words possible. I think you very much succeeded! It brought through lots of feeling, and even though it was like - 6 lines? I was still able to feel satisfied at the end like I do when I've read a whole book!
The bits in red are my favourite lines. They are really true and I think they send through the most emotion.
Great job sis! *huggles*
Deanie x
Wow! This is a really short piece but it's beautifully written. I love it! Happy writing!
Awe, this is really good. (:
You were able to show so much emotion, in such a short piece. Amazing!
I just have two small suggestions for this last stanza:
Oh, and by the way, I absolutley love your ending line. Great way to end off. There's a lot of emotion and it sums everything up.
Loved the poem, keep it up!
Stop pretending like you don't care,
Because I know you do.
I can see the tears that you are trying to hide. This line is really simplistic, dress it up with detail, don't be afraid to venture out with some rarer words
Thanks for looking after me, 'Thanks' seems too casual for such a big 'thank you'. Elaborate on this, talk about your own tears he/she cried.
But now it's your turn to let it out.
Don't worry, it's okay to cry I like the rhyme you've got going here. Again, venture out with sentence structure, etc.
I really loved the intimacy I felt flowing through this poem. It made me think about the times my mom had been the 'weak' one, the one who needed protection. That's really great that you as a writer could evoke that!
Good luck and keep writing!
-KatTrain
Hi-ya! I think you have a brilliant start for a great poem! Right now as a reader, I feel like your telling me everything and not letting me see or feel it. There's not much emotion, but with a little help it'll be better. Brilliant! Keep writing, I do enjoy your writing!