a/n: hey, thanks for checking out Starry Veins! This is the novel I wrote for Round V of LMS, and it's still a first draft! While I don't discourage any feedback, I prefer not to receive feedback on grammar! I'm not polishing this draft up yet, so I'm not as concerned about editing. I am, of course, open to all feedback, but I ask that you keep this in consideration! Thanks <3
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[Rowan]
Rowan’s mouth was dry and their resolve crumbling, and Cassius’ attitude hadn’t helped anything. They half-heartedly searched foraged near the road, where Alanna was resting, and allowed themself to feel mildly sullen.
And then they heard Artemesa’s calls ringing out through the trees.
They almost tripped, before righting themself and listening. That was definitely Artemesa, and whatever was happening, she was distressed.
Relinquishing on scavenging, they ran back up to the road. Alanna was sitting upright, her eyes wide and wild. She turned to them, the light of the sun turning her irises pale silver, almost white.
“Raz and Em,” she said, getting to her feet.
They held out their hand and she grabbed it, face twisted into a deep frown too grooved and careful for one so young.
But when they turned towards the forest to pursue their friends, the trees began to knot together. They formed a solid line of bark, branches entangling and roots snaking through the earth to uproot it.
They stared at it, mouth parted. They had heard stories of the Wilderlands, but… if they had crossed the line after leaving the domesticated area around the Citadel, how had they not died?
Alanna’s hand tightened on theirs, and she trembled, pushing into their side. “Oriole,” she whispered, panicked.
They squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. We’ll stay on the road.”
“What about Raz and Em?” she asked, voice still hushed.
A white hissing filled their ears for a moment. They shook their hand and gave Alanna’s hand a little tug as they took a step towards the direction where Artemesa had cried out. “They’re both very fast,” they said. Alanna wasn’t going to appreciate being lied to, and they were all in this now anyway.
Alanna followed silently and with purpose. At some point, she let go of their hand, and they spied her attempting to do on-the-move stretches she had probably learned from Mishal.
Warm nestled into their chest, and they inhaled deeply.
The forest was impenetrable even as they walked along. They wondered how far the trees had formed a barrier, an impossible shield. To ward off those who would enter? To keep something in?
And then they saw the figures, flickering ahead on the road, so far away it almost hurt to look at them. Even from their distance, they swore one of the shorter figures wore a crown of flames. Beside them, multi-hued feathers were illuminated in the afternoon sun.
Ember and Artemesa. Which meant the other shorter figure was Cassius.
“Is that someone with them?” Alanna whispered.
They nodded, slowing their pace. Who would be with Cassius and Ember? Were they friendly or not? If they hadn’t returned, probably not. Not with Artemesa’s cries either.
“What if they see us?” Alanna pressed, tugging on the folds of her nightgown like if she willed it hard enough it would become trousers. It didn’t not. It was the same dirty and dishevelled nightgown as before, stained by ash and mud. Not that their trousers were in better condition, already torn in more then one place and ash-marked too.
They glanced once more towards the forest. It had gone still now, but that didn’t mean it was idle. The Wilderlands could move or shift at any moment.
Grabbing the sleeves of their thigh-length, deep purple robe, they tugged it off and held it to Alanna. “Put this on so you don’t stand out.” They sucked a breath in through their teeth. “Let’s walk down lower, next to the road. We’ll wait until night falls to get closer.”
“But the trees moved,” Alanna said, pulling the robe on and closing it tight around her. It was several sizes too big on her tiny frame and fell down close to her ankles. At least it wasn’t floor-length on them.
They were already wearing dark colours, deep crimsons and bronzes, and from so far away it wouldn’t stand out against the shadows of the trees.
“You stay between the road and I,” they said. “And if anything happens, the road is right next to us.”
Alanna looked doubtful but followed Rowan all the same as they crept partway down the hill that sloped down from the road. The trees shuddered and Alanna’s hand shot out to grip their wrist tightly. After a moment passed, nothing more happened, and they turned back to glance ahead where they had seen Ember and Cassius and the strange figure.
They were still there, slowly moving farther away, and they nodded to Alanna. “Come on.”
* * *
Night covered the road in a blanket of shadow. There was a single ward against the dark, a fire that the stranger had lit, that illuminated the ropes tied to Cassius, Ember, and Artemesa, as they sat in front of it.
The stranger had made camp at what Rowan, to the best of their knowledge, presumed to be one of the five-mile outpost markers that travellers took shelter at when using the industrial roads. A tower stood nearby, and that was where they were crouched with Alanna, watching the stranger and their friends.
“How are we supposed to get them?” Alanna asked, tugging on their loose sleeve. “That guy looks scary, Ori. What if he hurts them?”
“Shh,” they said. “Remember the thing I said about staying quiet?”
She nodded, although frowned with displeasure, and leaned back against the stone of the tower.
Curled on the ground beside Cassius, Artemesa raised her head, ears swivelling. Her nostrils twitched, snout straining against the rope tying it shut.
They glanced at the stranger, who had his back turned to them.
“Una lux nus,” they whispered, holding up their fingers in a pinching gesture. A light flickered momentarily between the tips and died.
Artemesa’s ears went forward, head jerking to the side. She sat up and pressed her nose into Cassius’ leg. He stared morosely into the fire, brows furrowed forward. Artemesa nudged him harder, and he turned to look down at her crossly. She met his gaze, and then angled her head and stretched her neck out, towards where they watched.
Cassius muttered something. Artemesa struck his leg with her nose again. She set her chin upon his leg.
Whatever she did that time, Cassius eyed the stranger. Then he glanced over towards the tower.
They shifted forward, closer to the firelight. “Una lux nus,” they whispered again, as quietly as they could. The light flickered again, but this time it was much brighter and made a gentle, sweet chiming noise.
Rowan scrambled backwards as the stranger turned around, and Alanna whimpered as they bumped into her, a little harder than necessary. They held a hand up over their mouth, and Alanna bit her lips together, eyes wide.
word count:
1,122
translations:
una lux nus = single light flicker
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey : )
maybe you meant "searched and foraged"
YAY I figured that would happen
Ooh I like this description
Ooh so we get to see what the Wilderlands is capable of
I say "ooh" a lot oops
Alanna is a tiny precious human
Why's he trying to produce light? Won't that just draw attention to them? Or is he trying to start a fire or something?
WAIT WHAT. Did they get caught??? My initial thought when this all began was that they would get caught cx And then maybe Artemesa is going to use her cute dragon skills and save them all hehe
ORR maybe Alanna is going to have her shining moment and somehow save everyone? Or maybe the man is going to let them all go out of guilt or something?
I guess we'll have to see
I don't really have much to add to your chapters! You already have so many nice reviews, and your story is already perfect. I am really enjoying reading this <3
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And moving on,
First Impression: Rescue Mission to happen soon? Or do they all just get captured? And so that's why they couldn't come looking for them. But then why are the trees only now acting up.
This part is a great beginning.
Okay now I must know how he got that nickname.
A nice and very ominous setting though I wonder why neither Cassius nor Ember have attempted some magic yet. We know that at least Ember has the means to get out of those ropes.
And the rescue mission begins though I can't help but think they'll all just get captured.
Anyway that's it for this one. Bit short I'm afraid but there wasn't much to point out here.
Overall: Nice little team up between Alanna and Rowan. Rowan is really good at handling her and still executing the plan.
As always take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
AHHH I AM SO PLEASED WE JUMP INTO ROWAN'S POV
omg this is wonderful. I don't really have much TO add since it's mostly just them following the stranger, but gosh. I love that we now see Rowan and Alanna working together and it's just so sweet and beautiful. We again see Rowan handling themself so well as the interim leader, being just as supportive and protective of Alanna. I can't help but be proud of Rowan, honestly. It's just so beautiful.
Part of me wondered why they didn't just ambush him then and there, but that seemed like a silly idea 'cause it's still a Big Scary Guy, and they could easily use this opportunity to find a place with food/shelter for when they do scape -- or at least some more insight into who this guy is.
And look! They found a tower! And if it's really used by travelers, this could be useful later. In fact, as a reader, I'm comforted by the idea that these exist so perhaps they can find another one if this one is too dangerous right now.
I love Rowan's quick thinking here. His use of a brief light to gain attention. I also assume the magic spell at the end was done for the same reason, but they unintentionally grabbed the attention of Big Scary Guy too. It's definitely a powerful tool, though, as I don't think Big Scary Guy has any magic in his skillset or he'd have used it by now. Which could mean he doesn't have defense from magic either. But gosh, Rowan's so creative with the use of their magic here (and I hope I understood their use for it correctly!).
And now they DEFINITELY have Big Scary Guy outnumbered. Rowan could even burn away the ropes to free Cassius' and Embers' hands! Like THEY TOTALLY GOT THIS!!
And before I go read the next part, I absolutely approve of Artemesa being the one to notice Rowan. She'd have the sharpest eyes/ears, so it definitely makes sense. And seeing her communicate with Cassius from a distance -- you really just described this scene so well from Rowan's perspective. It was very clear and made me giggle because Cassius was totally Cassius.
OKAY TIME TO GO READ ROWAN SAVING THE WORLD BRB
Well seeing as the next chapter is here, I'll give this a read too
Wait, is Raz short for Cassius or did I totally misunderstand who was in the previous chapter? If it was the latter then I'm very sorry!Too many 'theys' in one segment. Could you clarify a little please? I had to read through a couple of times to work out if you were talking about trees or people in the middle xD Perhaps you could refer to them as 'the group' sometimes? Or by name works too!
This is actually something that gets a little confusing in the whole of the first part of this. I gather Rowan goes by 'they'? It might be good to use their name a little more often, especially when you are interspersing with 'they' to mean the both of them.
Interesting section overall, I'm intrigued to see how Rowan is going to save Cassius and Em with a single light flicker!
Icy