Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

Violence Mature Content

Children with Stars in their Veins (Chapter 12.1)

by mellifera


[Cassius]



warning for: descriptions of old prey carcasses.



It wasn’t that Cassius, or the others for that matter, had never heard the horror stories of the Wilderlands. But the forest outside the citadel, that surrounded the village like a cradle, had never moved or attacked before. It was a place of peace.

Well. It was a place of peace when they weren’t running around and climbing trees, shrieking like vultures.

“Didn’t I tell you how good it would be for you to get outside more?” Rowan said behind him. They weren’t actually paying him much attention, staring up at the trees. The birds were coming back, and their songs filled the forest. It felt awake for the first time since the cold of the Moon’s Vigil had set in.

“You should have brought your crossbow,” Ember added. She kept picking up stones and seeing how far she could throw them. At some point, she had wrangled Alanna into the doing the same. “You coulda practised.”

He laughed and did not think hard about bringing his crossbow out with him. “On what? The trees?”

“Yeah, otherwise he’d have to hurt one of the animals out here, and that wouldn’t be nice,” Alanna said. She threw a stone that knocked Rowan’s hat off their head.

Ember began to giggle, Rowan turned in confusion, and Alanna glanced towards him, looking for help. He grinned and held out his hand to her. She happily slapped her own against his. He pretended it didn’t hurt— when did she get so strong? She was ten.

They hadn’t gotten any chances to come out into the forest, let alone any farther, since it had gotten cold. He’d noticed that some of the trees looked different. There used to be a huge oak near the village, one they could all climb into and watch everyone from afar, that he wasn’t able to find anymore. There’d been a boulder too that was missing.

It was enough to notice, but maybe he was misremembering. Or maybe they’d fallen prey to the cold.

He glanced up to see two birds chasing each other through the canopy above, and grinned. “Whoever runs out of breath first loses!” he shouted and took off towards the east.

“That’s not fair!” Ember shrieked. “Head start!”

“Says the one with lungs for days!” he called back. Then, ignoring the cries of protest behind him, focused on weaving through the trees and not doing something stupid like tripping on an exposed root. It wouldn’t have been the first time, but it was ridiculously embarrassing.

He didn’t last long, but whether he stopped because his chest began to burn or the sudden appearance of a large crest that rose just above the treeline, he wasn’t sure. He skidded to a halt, doubled over with his hands on his knees, and stared at the hill.

That had never been there before. There was a fence around the perimeter of the forest, a fence they weren’t allowed past. It wasn’t like they’d never gone past it, but it was leagues and leagues away from the start of where the mountains rose to touch the sky. They’d never gone close to the mountains. Even the rocky hills at their base were too far.

This was new. It hadn’t been there last they’d come out to the forest.

Ember stopped beside him, breathing hard, but not nearly as much as him. “Whoa.” She said.

Alanna and Rowan caught up soon after. Rowan didn’t seem to have even bothered trying to run after them, but Alanna was blowing out puffs of air as she stared out at the crest.

Along one of the sides was a stone-covered terrace that disappeared into moss and the forest. From this angle, he could make out a huge, gaping cave mouth.

Ignoring the ache of his lungs, he began to jog forward.

“Don’t run too far ahead!” Rowan called after him. He barely heard it.

There were feathers scattered around the area outside the cave, and even some leading into it. A tree nearby was half broken, one face of it completely barren of any branches, like something large had scraped them all off. There were some white gouges in the stone, where something sharp had scratched imprints.

This was not an idle cave. He slowed to a careful walk, trying to wrestle his breathing into silence, and edged his way into the yawning darkness.

It was noticeably colder inside. There looked to be sections of the stone that had been dug out, to make it bigger. Something awful sharp must have done that.

Something repugnant filled his nose and he buried his face in the crook of his elbow to cough. He’d never smelled anything that bad, except the time he’d tried turning his dinner into a chocolate pastry. But even that hadn’t been as horrible.

He saw the nest first, and the bones scattered across the floor second. The nest was huge, built of branches and leaves and what looked like hides and tattered fabrics. There were long stalks of grass and what looked like dried, caked mud to hold it together.

Next to the nest, he saw a rotted, hollowed out carcass that might have been some kind of deer. It was impossible to tell now. Nearby, a ribcage picked clean, with only some blackened or red marks staining the glistening white bone. He swallowed hard, trying no to gag.

Then something creaked from the nest, and he froze. It was much too tall for him to see inside.

Well, he was already all the way here.

He began to climb the nest, testing each branch before he grabbed it to make sure it wouldn’t break off from his weight. Behind him, Ember called for him. He paused to turn. She, and the others, were standing closer to the mouth of the cave, all with hands or clothes covering their lower faces. Alanna looked pale.

“Shh!” he said. Then he turned back and hauled himself up the rest of the way into the nest.

It was warmer, from the furs and fabrics, than it had been on the ground. That was what he noticed first.

What he noticed next made him dizzy, and his breath caught in his throat.



word count:

1,037


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
323 Reviews


Points: 32323
Reviews: 323

Donate
Sat Jun 20, 2020 4:00 am
View Likes
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever on it is in your part of the world)

Continuing on,

First Impression: Okay so we're giving most of the weight to the ones left behind by the looks of it. And the woods reveal some dark secret by the looks of it.

They hadn’t gotten any chances to come out into the forest, let alone any farther, since it had gotten cold. He’d noticed that some of the trees looked different. There used to be a huge oak near the village, one they could all climb into and watch everyone from afar, that he wasn’t able to find anymore. There’d been a boulder too that was missing.


So something about the coming of age ceremony has done this I assume. The trees starting to change after not changing at all in the past years. Also why did their parents allow them to visit here if they were aware that the trees could be malicious or was this part of the forest always considered to be okay.

That had never been there before. There was a fence around the perimeter of the forest, a fence they weren’t allowed past. It wasn’t like they’d never gone past it, but it was leagues and leagues away from the start of where the mountains rose to touch the sky. They’d never gone close to the mountains. Even the rocky hills at their base were too far.


Nice way of explaining the setting here.

There were feathers scattered around the area outside the cave, and even some leading into it. A tree nearby was half broken, one face of it completely barren of any branches, like something large had scraped them all off. There were some white gouges in the stone, where something sharp had scratched imprints.


Well Cassius is really brave and no one seems to want to actually try to stop him.

He saw the nest first, and the bones scattered across the floor second. The nest was huge, built of branches and leaves and what looked like hides and tattered fabrics. There were long stalks of grass and what looked like dried, caked mud to hold it together.

Next to the nest, he saw a rotted, hollowed out carcass that might have been some kind of deer. It was impossible to tell now. Nearby, a ribcage picked clean, with only some blackened or red marks staining the glistening white bone. He swallowed hard, trying no to gag.


This is great description. Conveys a truly horrifying sight.

He began to climb the nest, testing each branch before he grabbed it to make sure it wouldn’t break off from his weight. Behind him, Ember called for him. He paused to turn. She, and the others, were standing closer to the mouth of the cave, all with hands or clothes covering their lower faces. Alanna looked pale.


Don't they at least make an attempt to join him instead of just letting him go off into the dangerous looking place alone.

It was warmer, from the furs and fabrics, than it had been on the ground. That was what he noticed first.

What he noticed next made him dizzy, and his breath caught in his throat.


Lovely little cliffhanger there to end the proceedings. It's the first bit of proper excitement we've had so far.

Overall: You took the time to show some references to how they would normally and then showed us very effectively how the day diverged into something they'd experienced before. Now to go to the next chapter and figure out what's in that cave.

As always take what you thought was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
1394 Reviews


Points: 76307
Reviews: 1394

Donate
Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:03 am
View Likes
JabberHut wrote a review...



I'M BACK. I have missed this but work has eaten me alive and I fought as hard as I could BUT NOW I AM HERE LET IS GOOOO

I feel like there was either a slight time skip or we're still hunting for saplings. Though I had guessed they were picking them up from a shop or something BUT MAYBE THEY'RE HUNTING SAPLINGS THEMSELVES.

Hahahahaha I love that we tie back to Cassius' crossbow training. The fact that his friends are just teasing him about it proves just how in-sync they are as friends. It's freaking adorable.

OMG THE HIGH FIVE <3 <3 <3

GUH I just. I just FEEL like this story is gonna put Alanna in such a huge spotlight. There's all these little tidbits that bring attention to Alanna, like the way Cassius noted how much stronger she is at the mere age of ten. Just all these little HINTS that say "DON'T FORGET ABOUT ALANNA" and "CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU". It's gonna be SO freaking awesome. Especially since there's a whole kingdom now on the hunt for her, the missing sister princess. ALSKDJF;LASJDF;LASKDJF EXCITED.

Gosh these Wilderlands are so freaking cool. I love how all the characters seem just a LITTLE confused, enough to just shrug it off. But as the reader, now we're just waiting with anticipation like WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN TO THEM. THESE WILDERLANDS AREN'T RIGHT.

omg they found a cave

omg something sharp that carves cave walls IT'S A DRAGON ISN'T IT. THERE'S A DRAGON IN HERE.

awwww are they smelling dragon poop? :(

okay it's either a dragon nest or a phoenix nest that's all the choices i am going with fight me

EMBER, GO CHECK IT OUT. IT'LL BE FUN. I wonder why even Ember is standing so far away. Do they DO THEY SEE THE DRAGON OMG CASSIUS *RUN*

Oooh the next is even lined with furs and fabrics. That seems like... they skinned animals alive or stole fabrics from human villages or i don't know but it seems very advanced stuff for a phoenix so DEFINITELY A DRAGON.

you and your cliffhangers. :(




mellifera says...


tell your work that its employees are friends, not food!! (also you're completely fine, I understand :D)

I feel like there was either a slight time skip or we're still hunting for saplings. Though I had guessed they were picking them up from a shop or something BUT MAYBE THEY'RE HUNTING SAPLINGS THEMSELVES.


YEAH WHOOPS I should have made the timeskip more apparent xD I realise I did not allude that there was any passage of time, but it is supposed to be like, a day or so later. I got too excited lol


as always, thank you so much for your reviews!!! <3



User avatar
27 Reviews


Points: 148
Reviews: 27

Donate
Wed Jan 22, 2020 3:29 pm
View Likes
MadagascarMaiden wrote a review...



Hi, MadagascarMaiden just popping in for a review.
Again loving this story, I'm the kind of person that loves mythical tales, or fantasy. The characters seem so real to me. The emotion that you express through the story. It's just breathtaking. I can't wait to see what happens when they reach the ruins. Keep up the good work. :-)





We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart