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Young Writers Society



Children with Stars in their Veins (Chapter 31)

by mellifera


a/n: hey, thanks for checking out Starry Veins! This is the novel I wrote for Round V of LMS, and it's still a first draft! While I don't discourage any feedback, I prefer not to receive feedback on grammar! I'm not polishing this draft up yet, so I'm not as concerned about editing. I am, of course, open to all feedback, but I ask that you keep this in consideration! Thanks <3

*

[Rowan]



Rowan blinked, and the image of Ember’s hands bursting into flames with not so much as a word played in their mind. It didn’t make sense.

The cart pulled to a stop after what must have been a few hours, and everyone clamoured out. The woman who was driving, a tall and beautiful woman with a kind look on her face, stepped off the cart and looked them over. “Is everyone all right?” she asked.

Enoch ignored her and grabbed Ember’s shoulders. Rowan stepped forward to intercept, a spell on the tip of their tongue.

“What were you thinking?” Enoch growled, and shook Ember.

Her face screwed up like she’d bitten into a sour tart and she stomped her foot. “Well you weren’t doing anything!” she snapped back and swatted at Enoch’s arm. There were shadows on her face, however, and her eyelids seemed to weigh down.

“That was a stupid thing you did!” he said. “You nearly set everything else on fire!”

Ember snarled like Lore used to, and her expression was one to match the housecat when angered. “They burned our home! They burned it down! Why shouldn’t they deserve as much?”

Cassius, who was anxiously pacing around the road and glancing off towards the forests, sent a look over his shoulder. He looked fretful. “They could have hurt us though, Em.”

Alanna hovered near to Cassius, trodding right alongside him like a shadow, and wouldn’t meet anyone’s gaze.

“How about someone explains what’s going on, and we reconsider what’s going on here,” said the woman, gaze flickering over everyone.

“And maybe some introductions could be in order,” said the boy who Ember had set on fire. Rowan was pretty sure they had heard him say that his name was Hypatis.

They shook their head, stepping away from the bristling Ember and the equally incensed Enoch. Ember could handle herself, and they weren’t sure it was such a good idea to get involved in that particular debacle. Besides, there were witnesses now.

“We’re from the Chronicler’s Guild,” they said. “We were raised there. The four of us. A few weeks back now, those riders who were talking to us, they attacked us.” They glanced towards Ember for confirmation— they didn’t know how she had identified them but seemed confident. She was staring at the ground. “I’m Rowan, the spitfire’s Ember, Cassius is the one who cast the dousing spell before, and Alanna’s the little one.”

The woman looked towards Enoch. “And you as well?” she asked.

He leaned back, away from Ember, and the scowl on his face faded. “No. I’m not. Found them wandering near the road, and…”

“Enoch rescued us,” Ember said.

Rowan glanced to her in surprise, but she nodded sagely, like this was a known truth. Her head lolled as she did.

“Would have died, if not for him, wandering around the Wilderlands like that,” she said. “He’s taking us north, to try to escape from those men in the grey masks.”

Enoch’s mouth was parted, and he stared down at Ember as though she’d set herself on fire once more.

With a grim nod, the woman held out her hand to Enoch. He took it, stance reserved and cautious. “I’m Danica. This is Cadelia and Hypatis.”

“But you can call me Caddy,” said the girl with the brilliant blue eyes. Rowan met her gaze, and she winked. They smiled back.

“We’re actually in a similar position,” Danica said, gesturing to Cadelia and Hypatis. “I’m transporting them north, hoping to find some better crowds up there. Hoping to blend in with all the crowds up there.” Her gaze was wandering away from the gathering of them. “Should he be wandering off?”

Rowan glanced over. Cassius was putting more and more distance between them, watching the woods anxiously. Then he stopped and raised his hands to cup around his mouth. “ARTEMESA!”

Enoch let out a reserved sigh. Ember had turned now too. Cassius shouted again, and Alanna let out a much feebler “Mesa!”.

“Who’s Artemesa?” Hypatis asked, watching the faraway Cassius with bewilderment.

Before anyone could answer, a shrill chirp rose in the air. In all the confusion, Rowan had entirely forgotten Artemesa’s escape, and hadn’t thought once about that she may be separated from them.

But it appeared all was not lost, especially Artemesa, as she bounded out of the dark and dense treeline, wings flapping wildly at her side. She trilled happily, a melodious and sweet noise that rose in pitch the closer to Cassius she got. When she bounded up to the road, she tackled Cassius, and then laid up his chest and rest his head on his neck, gentle as a duckling.

Cadelia gasped. Rowan glanced over to see her hands over her mouth. “Is that a dragon?

Enoch’s head jerked around so fast Rowan thought it may break. “A what?

Rowan glanced over to Cadelia. “She’s just a baby right now,” they said. “But yes. Cassius saved her life after her mother was killed, and there’s little doubt in anyone’s mind now that they’re inseparable.”

Hypatis was staring in Cassius’ direction with wonder. “That’s incredible. Nobody’s bonded with a dragon in forever. I thought that was just myth.”

“A dragon,” Enoch muttered.

But they were distracted, as everyone else was fascinated by Artemesa, and glanced towards Ember. She was swaying on her feet, eyelids falling and then fluttering.

She’d overexerted herself. Whatever it was she was doing, whatever magic it was she was calling on for her fire, it was still magic. It was still taxing, especially since she was so unaccustomed to it.

They approached her. “You okay?”

Her head hung down and she blinked forcefully. “Yeah, I— I just—It’s so hot and—”

“You drained all your energy into your magic,” they said. “The adrenaline’s wearing off, so now you’re—”

Her knees buckled. They struggled to catch her as she crumpled but managed to keep her from falling. They lowered her gently, so she didn’t hurt herself.

“Now what’s happened?” Enoch asked, frowning down at Ember.

“She’s exhausted,” Rowan said. “The spell, it burned her out.”

Ember snorted half-heartedly. “Sure did.”

Despite themself, they smiled.

“Well,” Danica said. “We’ve some rations to spare if anyone needs them.” She glanced over all of them. “And seeing as we’re both travelling north, seems to me it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to pool our resources together. The company would be very welcome. I’m sure these two would greatly appreciate new faces.”

Cadelia swiped at Hypatis, who ducked deftly from her clutches. “I’d love having someone who isn’t this preening cloud brain.”

“You’re a menace,” Hypatis said, although he was smiling.

“You can’t insult me,” Cadelia said. “I’m your older sister.”

“We’d be very happy for more company,” Rowan said as Enoch opened his mouth. They didn’t know what wayward trust Ember was starting to place in him, but they didn’t trust him. He had kidnapped them with the intention of selling them, and while Rowan recognised that he had kept them from capture at the hands of those pursuing them, what was his plan now?

If they were with Danica, Hypatis, and Cadelia, Enoch couldn’t do anything to them. And if Enoch declined, it would look suspicious.

Enoch’s brow twitched, but he nodded slowly. “More people to keep those… grey masks away from the kids,” he said, hesitantly.

Danica gestured to the greatsword on her back. “They won’t get to lay a finger on them.”

The grey masks. Rowan had wondered to what extent the grey masks would pursue them. The why had already been answered with Ember’s letter, so they should have realised the rest would come later.

Despite Enoch’s prickly nature, that he had kidnapped them, and Rowan’s mistrust of him, they had to admit that it was helpful to have been found by him. Especially now. If they could surround themselves with people, and people who could fight no less, maybe they had a shot of escaping.

They were running now. If there had been any idea they would return home now, it was dashed.

Hopefully the rest of the guild was okay. Hopefully everyone had made it out, and the fire extinguished.

But now they’d seen Ember’s fire, the dazzling golden flames. There was gold fire burning the Citadel, on the second floor. Whatever was powering her, it was beyond the normal limitations of magic, and they didn’t know what that kind of fire could do.

So much for them being the ones to be kept safe by being left behind from the expedition. Hopefully Margaretta, Isadora, Mishal, and the others were faring better than they were.



word count:

1,444




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Thu Oct 29, 2020 9:26 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Thank you so much for all of the lovely replies you left to my reviews! I read them all at once, and it made me very happy :D Please don't ever feel like you have to reply to them though if you don't want to; I don't mind at all! <3333 <3333 I really appreciate it ^^

Rowan blinked, and the image of Ember’s hands bursting into flames with not so much as a word played in their mind. It didn’t make sense.


I'm convinced Ember is like Elsa lol

The woman who was driving, a tall and beautiful woman with a kind look on her face, stepped off the cart and looked them over.


Omg this is so nitpicky, but I personally didn't like the repetition of "woman" here ahh sorry :p

Alanna hovered near to Cassius


I feel that you could delete the "to"

said the boy who Ember had set on fire.


I'm sorry but this made me laugh xD Like imagine introducing him this way

"Oh, and this is ___, the boy I set on fire."

“Enoch rescued us,” Ember said.


Enoch and Ember are going to be BFFs

and he stared down at Ember as though she’d set herself on fire once more.


I DONT KNOW WHY but all these fire statements are cracking me up cx

“ARTEMESA!”


This is terrible of me, but with all the commotion, I forgot about Mesa :3

Alanna let out a much feebler “Mesa!”.


It's little things like this that make me find Alanna so precious

When she bounded up to the road, she tackled Cassius, and then laid up his chest and rest his head on his neck


I'm a little confused by the description, and maybe that was because you meant "her head"? I'm not quite sure though xD

Enoch’s head jerked around so fast Rowan thought it may break. “A what?”


Haha, I find it funny that Enoch spent so many days unknowingly with a dragon :p

“She’s exhausted,” Rowan said. “The spell, it burned her out.”

Ember snorted half-heartedly. “Sure did.”


I love Ember so much

Danica gestured to the greatsword on her back. “They won’t get to lay a finger on them.”


For some reason, Danica just seems like that one cool and energetic aunt that's super fun

They were running now. If there had been any idea they would return home now, it was dashed.


That's such a sad thing to realize. This whole ordeal is pretty terrible. I feel for them all <3

Hopefully Margaretta, Isadora, Mishal, and the others were faring better than they were.


I love how each side's thoughts on how the others are doing are pretty wrong xD Nice word count number by the way :P

This chapter has further deepened my love of Ember and her relationship with Enoch. I mean, they were meant to be best friends; both of their names even start with an E :p Also, the new people they met seem like sweet and lovely people. I hope they all become really good friends and will one day sit by a fire while it's snowing outside drinking hot chocolate and remember this whole ordeal ^^




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Mon Jun 22, 2020 5:39 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

It is day four of the reviewathon and it is time to finish this off

First Impression: This Enoch is starting to get very curious here. Also Rowan not understanding what's going on says that Ember's ability is not something that has been seen before or at least has not being seen for a while. And lovely introduction of Artemesa too. One thing is that I have to remember more names for this story than I had to remember for Avengers: Endgame. So many characters.

Enoch ignored her and grabbed Ember’s shoulders. Rowan stepped forward to intercept, a spell on the tip of their tongue.


Now they want to use spells against Enoch. So now they are not worried about revealing their own magic abilities to these three newcomers but they did not want to reveal it to Enoch earlier

Ember snarled like Lore used to, and her expression was one to match the housecat when angered. “They burned our home! They burned it down! Why shouldn’t they deserve as much?”


This is a great reaction by her but then I have to wonder why the others did not have similar at least somewhat aggressive reactions? They all lost something there.

“They could have hurt us though, Em.”


This line doesn't seem to make much sense. Is he referring to the flames? If so it should be clearer.

“And maybe some introductions could be in order,” said the boy who Ember had set on fire. Rowan was pretty sure they had heard him say that his name was Hypatis.


Okay small point but if this guy had his sleeve burnt off why has he not suffered any burns? Isn't magefire supposed to be very destructive. I know Cassius put it out fairly quickly but it still seems like it should have done some damage to the skin at least.

“Enoch rescued us,” Ember said.


Well that's an interesting turn of events.

“We’re actually in a similar position,” Danica said, gesturing to Cadelia and Hypatis. “I’m transporting them north, hoping to find some better crowds up there. Hoping to blend in with all the crowds up there.” Her gaze was wandering away from the gathering of them. “Should he be wandering off?”


Wait so are they from a different village or is it some other generic run down village?

But it appeared all was not lost, especially Artemesa, as she bounded out of the dark and dense treeline, wings flapping wildly at her side. She trilled happily, a melodious and sweet noise that rose in pitch the closer to Cassius she got. When she bounded up to the road, she tackled Cassius, and then laid up his chest and rest his head on his neck, gentle as a duckling.


Artemesa continues to be my favorite character so far. You've portrayed her very well.

“You drained all your energy into your magic,” they said. “The adrenaline’s wearing off, so now you’re—”

Her knees buckled. They struggled to catch her as she crumpled but managed to keep her from falling. They lowered her gently, so she didn’t hurt herself.


Well that took a while to catch up to her. Shouldn't she have collapsed like immediately after she ended the spell?

“We’d be very happy for more company,” Rowan said as Enoch opened his mouth. They didn’t know what wayward trust Ember was starting to place in him, but they didn’t trust him. He had kidnapped them with the intention of selling them, and while Rowan recognised that he had kept them from capture at the hands of those pursuing them, what was his plan now?


At least Rowan is being rational.

But now they’d seen Ember’s fire, the dazzling golden flames. There was gold fire burning the Citadel, on the second floor. Whatever was powering her, it was beyond the normal limitations of magic, and they didn’t know what that kind of fire could do.

So much for them being the ones to be kept safe by being left behind from the expedition. Hopefully Margaretta, Isadora, Mishal, and the others were faring better than they were.


Lovely touch of irony there.

And that's it for this.

Overall: This sets the stage well for them possibly getting up to run into the expedition or maybe even something else.

As always take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Jun 06, 2020 1:54 am
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potter4life wrote a review...



HEYYYYYYY! Im here for a review!

I really liked this chapter so i went to read the chapters before this.It was a really good book,so i just wanted to point out a few things.
There was little errors and you could explain the things happening a bit more,like it will make it better?

Thats another word for show not tell.

I really really loved the names!Keep on writing!!!!1




mellifera says...


hey, thanks for the review!

There was little errors and you could explain the things happening a bit more,like it will make it better?


could you clarify what you mean by this? what errors did you find, and what did you find confusing that you would like me to explain further?



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Fri Jun 05, 2020 8:38 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



LOL Enoch's whirlwind of emotions. Now he's just shouting at her which is totally an Enoch thing to do hahahaha Enoch and Ember really complement each other well honestly.

AND I LOVE ENOCH'S REACTION TO DRAGON.

like omg this is SO real and perfect and you could not have written this part better. We can literally see Enoch trying to comprehend the fact that he had a dragon following him this whole time hahahaha I died reading that I just. And it's interesting 'cause Enoch NOT knowing Artemesa was a dragon was an example of how some people didn't know what dragon younglings looked like. And now here we meet someone who knows what a dragon youngling looks like. I think this demonstrates how dragons are still kind of an unknown to a lot of people.

but god i love his reaction so much XD

AND ALSO I'M SO RELIEVED ARTEMESA FOUND HIM AND THEIR REUNION WAS SO CUTE AND I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT I JUST <333333333333333333333333333

I know you struggled a bit with Rowan here, but I did really appreciate their internal analysis on Ember's magic. Even Rowan was taken aback by whatever she did, and that really says a lot considering Rowan is probably the most experienced of them all when it comes to magic. Rowan hardly worries and is usually pretty level-headed, but here they're at the very least concerned about what kind of potential Ember's magic has.

Rowan, I have been trying to predict for several chapters how you would meet up with Mishal and Isadora so y'all would see that no one's happy and can hug each othER BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NEW CHARACTERS! Can I just say, as a fellow tall female, how excited I am that there's a distinguished tall person and omg she is beautiful and lovely and I'm excited. She won brownie points for being Tall Girl alone, but she's also so sweet and I love her and I am extremely biased.

I look forward to getting to know them all better. I can tell they are friendly, and they're instantly relatable for our characters since they were all victims of the grey masks.

Also I like that the bad guys are just the Grey Masks now. Honestly, it's simple, descriptive, realistic, and everyone knows who you're talking about. It's perfect.

AND I LOVE THAT ENOCH IS JUST GOING TO STICK AROUND. He clearly cares at least a little bit or he'd have just left without thinking. He's got SOME herat and I'M SO EXCITED 'cause we got a glimpse of the kind of support character Enoch could be and now we can explore Enoch's character even more yessssssssssssss.




mellifera says...


I was VERY EXCITED for Enoch's reaction to Artemesa being a dragon xD

I can tell they are friendly, and they're instantly relatable for our characters since they were all victims of the grey masks.


I should,, probably have made it more clear that they didn't also get attacked by the grey masks. I didn't want Danica to be like,, "oh yes, and also *dumps Tragic Backstory and Exposition*" but I will try to keep that in mind!

thank you so much for your review (and so speedy???) <333 it's very appreciated!!



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Fri Jun 05, 2020 3:46 am
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brotherGeo says...



I am loving the story so far. i only joined YWS recently and your content was the first i checked out. keep it up your this story is interesting and engaging. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your content.
thanks - brothergeo




mellifera says...


thank you!! and welcome to yws (:




If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.
— Jane Austen