z

Young Writers Society


Violence Mature Content

Children with Stars in their Veins (Chapter 12.2)

by mellifera


a/n: hey, thanks for checking out Starry Veins! This is the novel I wrote for Round V of LMS, and it's still a first draft! While I don't discourage any feedback, I prefer not to receive feedback on grammar! I'm not polishing this draft up yet, so I'm not as concerned about editing. I am, of course, open to all feedback, but I ask that you keep this in consideration! Thanks <3

*

[Cassius]

warning for: death/corpses.

There were three eggs half his size, bigger than any he’d ever seen. They were lying in partially broken shards. The shells were dark, mottled brown, with strange flecks of colour that shimmered at different angles.

Next to the eggs were three, downy-feathered dragonlings. Two of them lay still, feathers stiff and eyes shut. One’s tiny mouth was opened, as if in a half-formed cry. He wanted to start crying as he looked upon them. They were only half his size, but they were so little.

The third one was the closest to him. It was shifting around in the nest, and upon seeing him, began to make chirping noises. The feathers along this one’s body were damp, and the egg still wet and messy. He let out several little small gasps, forgetting how to breathe properly, and his eyes began to sting. “Oh,” he whispered.

Then the dragonling raised its little head and hissed at him. It was a feeble effort at best, and it was curled into as tight a ball as it could. He began to shiver, head swimming.

“Cassius,” Rowan called quietly, somewhere below. When he didn’t respond, they tried again more insistently, “Raz. What was that?”

He didn’t know if he could respond. He was completely paralysed, save for the tremors rushing through him. He tried to take in steady breaths, and mostly failed. “Dragons,” he murmured, hopefully loud enough for Rowan to hear. The dragonling hissed at him again, and then shuddered, and its head fell weakly back to the nest.

“Drag— dragons?!” Alanna squawked. Then came another muffled squawk, as though someone had covered her mouth.

“They were hers,” he said, tears leaking down his cheeks. He scrubbed them away. “The dragon they killed. They’re hers. Two of them— Only one survived, she must have recently—” He hiccupped.

“Are you sure? If you imprint on them, the mother…” Rowan trailed off, whether thinking better of their words or realising that Cassius probably knew already.

He did.

The dragonling shivered again. Carefully, he edged further into the nest. Its eyes, vibrant amber with a blue shadow around its catlike pupil, drifted to watch him, but did not raise its head again.

She. She had the beautiful, prismatic colouring of the dragon they had brought down. The other two had only two colours, one a beautiful blue and tawny, and the other speckled green and red. The one in front of him was multi-hued, pale colours that would eventually become vibrant bleeding together with her feathers. She was so pale she was almost white.

“Hi,” he said, in a voice as soft as he could muster. She lifted her chin. “Hi, I’m Cassius. You’re very cold, aren’t you?” Whether in response to him, or as circumstance, she shuddered again, and blinked heavily. “Does anyone have any food with them?”

“I stole some two muffins from the kitchen,” Ember responded. “They’re here, in my pockets. Should I throw them up?”

“Yes,” he said, never looking away from the dragonling.

One of the muffins landed behind him, and the other hit him in the shoulder.

He picked them both up. Whether it was the smell or the sight of his movement, the dragonling raised her head again, her tiny ears twitching forward and nostrils flaring. “Here,” he said, and tore off a piece he gauged to be about bite-sized for her. “It’s not meat, but it’s food.”

As soon as he placed it next to her, she darted forward like a viper and scarfed it down. She began to shift clumsily, so she was on her belly like a cat. He placed the second half of the muffin in front of her, and she did the same, making little cooing noises now.

When he held out the last piece for her, now having her rapt attention, she lunged forward before he’d even set it down. She got the muffin, but razor-sharp teeth tore through the back of his hand. He gasped in surprise and yanked his hand back, cradling it to his chest.

She stared at him, finishing her muffin piece slowly now. Oh no. She’d smell the blood, and she’d recognise that he was meat.

Then she began to make a low whining noise and stood up, her full height about the size of the guild’s large mouser, Lore, and crept forward. He froze, unable to think beyond she’s going to eat me.

Stretching out her neck, she whined again. Unsure what possessed him to do such a thing, he held out his hand. She began to lap at it with her tongue, and when he flinched, she paused. Then, she grew more delicate, watching him all the while.

The pain slowly receded from his hand and he stared at it. It hadn’t closed or stopping bleeding, but it tingled as if numbed, and the blood flow began to slow. The wound shimmered faintly as his hand moved a little.

Then the dragonling stopped and crawled into his lap. She shoved her head into his abdomen, but thankfully, her horns were only stubs at such an early stage. She pressed herself as close as she could and curled up, shivering.

Awestruck, and utterly forgetting about his hand, he ran his fingers lightly across her flank. She sighed, nestling even closer.

She was cold, not blood thirsty. She was still damp, and it was freezing in here.

He took off his jacket carefully, so as not to disturb her, and blanketed her form. She snuggled into it. He gently picked her up, and when she did not struggle or cry out, hugged her to his chest. She cooed.

As slow and cautiously as he could, he climbed down the nest. The other three were at the bottom, watching him with wide eyes and open mouths. Well, Ember had her hand over Alanna’s mouth, so he couldn’t tell.

Alanna shoved Ember hand away when he was on the ground and had turned to face them. “Raz!” she whispered, alarmed. “Your hand!”

He shook his head, cradling the dragonlings form with both arms now. “It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt.” He glanced down, where the dragonlings head peaked out from the coat. Her eyes were shut, and she was making soft snuffling noises from her snout. “This is more important.”

“Here.” Rowan bent down to the end of their woollen skirt, and with some difficulty, tore a strip off.

He tried not to look too surprised at the gesture. Rowan would never willingly destroy their clothes unless it was incredibly important.

They reached out and pried his hand away, enough to wrap the strip of the skirt around his hand and tie it off. “For now. We’ll fix it up later.”

Ember watched him with wide, worried eyes. “What are you going to do?” she asked. “They’ll never let you keep it at the Citadel.”

“They don’t have to know,” he said defensively, unable to help himself. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with her now, only that he was never going to let anyone hurt her again. Not if he could help it. He would figure out something. He’d have to find somewhere where no one went.

That’s it.

“The Citadel used to be a stronghold,” he said. “But then it was repurposed for the Chronicler’s Guild, but there’s some places nobody ever uses anymore.”

“The dungeons,” Rowan said. “You’re right, they’ve been collecting dust for ages. I think they’d planned on making it into a storage place at some point, but it got scrapped. Everyone just ignores it now.”

He nodded eagerly, and stopped when the dragonling made another, more irritated whining noise. “I’ll build her a nest. It’ll be like a cave. I’ll make sure she’d warm, and I’ll visit her every day. I disappear all the time anyway, they won’t think anything of it.”

“We’ll all help,” Ember said.

Alanna still looked ready to be sick beside her and did not seem all that pleased about the idea, but at least she wasn’t outright protesting. And she’d never rat them out besides, she wasn’t like that.

“How will you, we, feed her?” Rowan asked.

He shrugged. “Nobody will notice a little meat going missing from the kitchens.”

“And you can hunt now,” Ember pointed out. He nodded but pretended he hadn’t heard that for his own peace of mind.

“She won’t eat a little meat forever,” Rowan warned, but they were still nodding along. “But we’ll figure it out. Together. There’s a place near one of the dry moats that we can sneak in.”

Cassius beamed, and glanced down at the dragonling. Her eyes were shut, her breathing soft and steady, but she’d melted in his arms. His chest began to warm at the sight of her, at his friends’ quick support. He was going to raise a dragon.

The dragonling cooed happily in her sleep.

word count:

1,484


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
935 Reviews


Points: 2806
Reviews: 935

Donate
Wed Sep 30, 2020 7:25 am
View Likes
Shady wrote a review...



SCRIBS - DRAGON CHAPTER?!

The shells were dark, mottled brown, with strange flecks of colour that shimmered at different angles.


What kind of color? He's not really touching the eggs, and presumably the lighting isn't changing, so what is he actually seeing here? Gold? Emerald? Is it like a pearl? What does he see??? DESCRIPTION, SCRIBS!

Next to the eggs were three, downy-feathered dragonlings.


DRAGON CHAPTER!!!!

Two of them lay still, feathers stiff and eyes shut. One’s tiny mouth was opened, as if in a half-formed cry. He wanted to start crying as he looked upon them. They were only half his size, but they were so little.


The last sentence here doesn't really make sense? Like the but seems like it's going to contradict the first half of the sentence, but you used the word "only" so it kind of reads like they were small but they were small, which...?

The feathers along this one’s body were damp


You're overusing calling it "one" a lot. I know you switch to "she" right after this -- but it's still getting a wee bit repetitive reading this one, the one closest, etc. I think you can be vague with the "it" in this case lol

He placed the second half of the muffin in front of her, and she did the same, making little cooing noises now.


I get what you're going for here, but I was honestly really amused by the mental image of him putting the muffin down and then her pulling a muffin out of nowhere and putting it on front of him to eat like "here you go little guy, eat up"

She began to lap at it with her tongue, and when he flinched, she paused. Then, she grew more delicate, watching him all the while.


Ew.

It hadn’t closed or stopping bleeding,


Stopped??

Then the dragonling stopped and crawled into his lap.


But he never sat down?

“The dungeons,” Rowan said. “You’re right, they’ve been collecting dust for ages. I think they’d planned on making it into a storage place at some point, but it got scrapped. Everyone just ignores it now.”


This feels a bit exposition-info-dump-y

~ ~ ~

AHHHH DRAGON CHAPTER!

Omg this makes me SO happy!!! Cassius raising a dragon? Is the best? possible? thing? My heart. This is going to be SUCH a disastrous plan and I am HERE FOR IT my gosh.

Excited to see what happens next!

~Shady 8)




mellifera says...


YWS D:< I never got any of these reviews this is so sad

You're overusing calling it "one" a lot. I know you switch to "she" right after this -- but it's still getting a wee bit repetitive reading this one, the one closest, etc. I think you can be vague with the "it" in this case lol


I will,, see how I can fix this! this is a small, personal nitpick, but I really don't like using "it" for like, sentient creatures?? Idk it makes me feel like they're objects (unless the pov is directly treating them as such). But!! I also understand that there's a lot of repetition!!

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO GET TO HER she's baby and very fun <3

THANK YOU AS ALWAYS <333



User avatar
465 Reviews


Points: 29825
Reviews: 465

Donate
Thu Sep 24, 2020 9:37 pm
View Likes
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey c:

Next to the eggs were three, downy-feathered dragonlings.


Cute!! <3 ...I think?

Rowan trailed off, whether thinking better of their words or realising that Cassius probably knew already.


"whether thinking better" sounds a bit strange to me. How abut "whether he was thinking better..." or "either thinking better..."

The other two had only two colours, one a beautiful blue and tawny, and the other speckled green and red.


I'm sorry if this is really stupid, but isn't that four colours and not two? xD Or is it a mix, so like two patterns or mixtures?

“I stole some two muffins from the kitchen,” Ember responded.


I love how casual this is haha xD

Oh no. She’d smell the blood, and she’d recognise that he was meat.


0.0

I noticed in this section you have a lot of "she did this, she (insert text)" and I understand your word choice is limited since the baby dragon doesn't have a name yet, but it thought I'd point it out because I found it a bit repetitive. Just something to think about :)

She pressed herself as close as she could and curled up, shivering.


SO CUTE

Spoiler! :
Image


“They don’t have to know,” he said defensively, unable to help himself.


I figured he would say this, but they are probably going to get caught in the future. Poor cute little dragon and Cassius

I’ll make sure she’d warm, and I’ll visit her every day.


Aw <3 (p.s I believe you meant "she'd be warm" or "she's warm"

Alanna still looked ready to be sick beside her


Beside who, Ember?

He shrugged. “Nobody will notice a little meat going missing from the kitchens.”


I mean, if Ember could steal those muffins xD

He was going to raise a dragon.


I'm jealous

Okay so I love how there's a little comfort or closure for Cassius after the dragon killing that he was pretty upset about. AND WOW, he's raising a dragon?! That must be so exciting for him! And he's probably going to get caught down the line, but we don't have to worry about that now... xD But your descriptions of the dragon seem so darn cute :3 I don't want her to grow up ever hehe

Another thing I really enjoyed is the characters' bonds with each other. By showing everyone's support for Cassius and the dragon, you really show how close they all are, which makes their great sadness over Isadora and Mishal's departure very understandable. I love how close everyone is <3 It really highlights the importance of family/friendship, which could be one of the subjects for this novel.

I really loved this chapter and the CUTE dragon, and I hope this helped! :D

Image




mellifera says...


I'm sorry if this is really stupid, but isn't that four colours and not two? xD Or is it a mix, so like two patterns or mixtures?


aha not at all! One of the them is one of the two colours, and one is the other two colours (if that makes sense). So, one is the blue and tawny, and the other one is the green and red!

I'm very excited at everyone's reactions to Dragon, I was so excited for everyone to get to her <3 I love her so much (she needs more love though)

thank you, as always!! <3 <3



User avatar
4095 Reviews


Points: 253238
Reviews: 4095

Donate
Sat Jun 20, 2020 4:41 am
View Likes
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world)

Continuing on,

First Impression: Sad that two of the dragons dies but mostly I just really want to go hug a baby dragon now. *goes off to hug a baby dragon*

Anyway now that I'm back let's begin,

There were three eggs half his size, bigger than any he’d ever seen. They were lying in partially broken shards. The shells were dark, mottled brown, with strange flecks of colour that shimmered at different angles.


Great descriptions of the eggs.

They were only half his size, but they were so little.


If they were half his size how did he manage to carry one of them out of the nest.

Then the dragonling raised its little head and hissed at him. It was a feeble effort at best, and it was curled into as tight a ball as it could. He began to shiver, head swimming.


Okay this is confusing. Is he sad or terrified?

She. She had the beautiful, prismatic colouring of the dragon they had brought down. The other two had only two colours, one a beautiful blue and tawny, and the other speckled green and red. The one in front of him was multi-hued, pale colours that would eventually become vibrant bleeding together with her feathers. She was so pale she was almost white.


These are some really vivid descriptions of the dragons.

As soon as he placed it next to her, she darted forward like a viper and scarfed it down. She began to shift clumsily, so she was on her belly like a cat. He placed the second half of the muffin in front of her, and she did the same, making little cooing noises now.


This is such an adorable picture.

She stared at him, finishing her muffin piece slowly now. Oh no. She’d smell the blood, and she’d recognise that he was meat.


Wait a minute, she has to smell blood to recognize its meat?

The pain slowly receded from his hand and he stared at it. It hadn’t closed or stopping bleeding, but it tingled as if numbed, and the blood flow began to slow. The wound shimmered faintly as his hand moved a little.


Some kind of dragon bonding?

He took off his jacket carefully, so as not to disturb her, and blanketed her form. She snuggled into it. He gently picked her up, and when she did not struggle or cry out, hugged her to his chest. She cooed.


This is such an amazing amage.

As slow and cautiously as he could, he climbed down the nest. The other three were at the bottom, watching him with wide eyes and open mouths. Well, Ember had her hand over Alanna’s mouth, so he couldn’t tell.


Again I don't understand how he pulled this off.

He nodded eagerly, and stopped when the dragonling made another, more irritated whining noise. “I’ll build her a nest. It’ll be like a cave. I’ll make sure she’d warm, and I’ll visit her every day. I disappear all the time anyway, they won’t think anything of it.”


This promises to be a really interesting plan.

Cassius beamed, and glanced down at the dragonling. Her eyes were shut, her breathing soft and steady, but she’d melted in his arms. His chest began to warm at the sight of her, at his friends’ quick support. He was going to raise a dragon.

The dragonling cooed happily in her sleep.


Another great little image.

And that's all for this.

Overall: This is a really touching little chapter and I like how neither of them protested but immediately agreed to support Cassius.

As always take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
1464 Reviews


Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464

Donate
Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:03 am
View Likes
JabberHut wrote a review...



I'M CRYING.

the dragon is so cuuuuuute and so beautifullll omg I want one so bad she is so pretty <3 <3 <3

The way you led us through Cassius' train of thought as he pieced together the mother dragon and the babies -- this was well done. It took me a second to realize the two baby dragons were actually dead, I kinda thought they were just sleeping, but I guess you'd have mentioned slow breathing if that were the case. XD But I really liked how we put two and two together here. It was a fun (AND REALLY SAD) revelation.

I'm still kind of surprised Ember didn't try climbing into the nest with him. I figured she was just as adventurous, but maybe she was more concerned about Alanna and wanted to be ready for anything that popped out at them?

It was kinda hilarious, though, that she just happened to have a couple muffins. xD I don't know if there was a timeskip from when they were in town or not, but if this was directly after the violin playing, was she holding muffins in her pockets this whole time?? And I imagine they'd be squished muffins by now with all the running and stuff earlier.

The blood moment was awesome, and I'm glad we addressed this right away. I'm so intrigued by this dragon's approach here. I don't know if she had healing powers that helped numb the pain or if it just felt like washing a wound with water before bandaging it. I feel like it might've been the former, in which case, the dragon clearly grew attached to Cassius already after the food. omg that dragon was starving to death. ;_;

HOW CASSIUS CLIMBED OUT OF THE NEST WITH A DRAGON IN HIS ARMS IS BEYOND ME

omg a dragon in the dungeons. Does that mean her noises will echo through the dungeons though? Is she gonna be noticed, or will she be deep enough that no one will hear her? I also wonder how fast she'll grow! Eventually, the dungeons will be too small a space for her, I'm sure. BUT HE'LL HAVE A DRAGON OMG <3 I wonder how this is gonna work out and what kind of future the dragon will bring them!

NO ONE BETTER HARM HER. omg what will her name be ???




mellifera says...


HOW CASSIUS CLIMBED OUT OF THE NEST WITH A DRAGON IN HIS ARMS IS BEYOND ME


honestly I did actually think about the logistics of this when I wrote it but then I didn't care enough to figure it out haha

omg what will her name be ???


if I could, the eyes emoji would be the response to this. as it stands, alas.

thank you for your review!! <3



User avatar
27 Reviews


Points: 148
Reviews: 27

Donate
Tue Jan 21, 2020 12:33 pm
View Likes
MadagascarMaiden wrote a review...



I love this story. I love the characters and the different kingdoms. I can't wait for you to publish the rest!! I like how you use a different character to tell each chapter. And I love the fact that they got a fledgling (baby dragon)!!! I want to know if the headmaster is sending the two heirs to the collapsed kingdom because she wants them to die or something or other. maybe even they are going to raise the fallen kingdoms for her, so she can rule? I need to know more, please!!





I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
— Homer Simpson