The parlor, lit with the glaring electric light that threw everyone’s face into unsettling clarity, was silent as they all waited for the butler to speak. He cleared his throat. Obi thought he could feel the soft sound grate edge of the tension filling the room.
The silence stretched. “I assume the maids are back, Mr. Fughi?” Obi finally asked with the air of bored debutante meets impatient noble. It worried him that his butler seemed to be lost. He wondered when the last time it was that he hadn’t had to consider what his next sentence was going to sound like before he said it.
Nodding, Mr. Fughi prepared to reply only to be cut off by the guardsman.
“Why didn’t you open the door for us, Mr. Fughi? You’re in butler’s garb, are you not?”
Mr. Fughi had had a chance to change before he played his part in the heist Obi had laid out. He smiled broadly in response to the guard.
Obi felt his back straighten. He knew Mr. Fughi, and if there were any remarkable characteristics about the man, it was that Mr. Fughi didn’t smile.
“I apologize, guardsman,” he said smoothly, eyes crinkling at the corners. “You’ll understand, a butler’s duties are more than shining silver and answering the door. I was out with the chauffer, buying the necessities training a new maid requires.” Eyes resting on Obi, he smiled again.
Obi wasn’t sure whether it was meant to reassure him as most smiles would or to warn him because Mr. Fughi’s were so rare. Either way he was sliding toward panic as Lenton cocked his head, eyes squinted in thought.
“Can I be introduced to this maid?”
Glancing at Obi, Mr. Fughi didn’t wait for permission though his actions seemed to ask for it. “Of course. Though she’s young for you.” He ducked out of the room with a laugh.
Blinking, Obi shook his head. Had he really just heard Mr. Fughi make a joke and laugh? Conya shifted, and his attention was jerked to how tight his grip on her shoulders had gotten. He relaxed it suddenly.
Scooting a little on the cream settee that accented the bold blue walls with taste, she patted a cushion in the silence as the three of them avoided eye contact. Her eyes had been practically glued to her lap the entire time, her find fingers playing with one another.
Lenton stared out the doorway, almost turning his back to them, preternaturally still.
Obi hesitated. If he sat while the guardsman was standing, he would have to look up to make eye contact during conversation. It was small, but he had been in and around politics long enough to know that body language did more than words could hope for.
She glanced up at him, giving him a glimpse of a blotchy tear stained face and wet eyes. She was sniffling and apparently didn’t have a handkerchief because he watched her dab at her nose with her hand.
He sat beside her as if he had no worries, proffering his handkerchief as he did so. Closer, he could see that she had no makeup on, and her hair was a little damp. Her face had lost the sharp lines that he found so alluring in a blotchy swollen mask. The bastards had interrupted her bath. It didn’t really make sense for that to anger him any more than he already was or more than the fact that they had made her cry had, but it did. It made him want to strike Lenton. She deserved enough peace to take a bath in. He merely put an arm around her. “I’m sorry, darling. These men will leave us alone soon enough.”
She didn’t reply.
Mr. Fughi returned, “new maid” in tow, and Obi couldn’t help but stiffen. Conya leaned her head against his shoulder as if she were oblivious to how tightly wound he was which struck him as strange since he knew his arm wasn’t relaxed. It hit him that, perhaps, Conya was more than she let on.
Practically stumbling into the room, the girl he had hired looked up at them.
Lenton visibly deflated and glanced at the guard that had appeared in the doorway. He sighed at the curt shake of his head. “Well, Mr. Eshe, Lady Eshe, I’m sorry to have bothered you. We’ll call on you if we find it necessary. Please come to us with any information if either of you hear about a stolen item.” He gave a shallow bow and raised a hand as Conya tried to stand. “We can see ourselves out.”
Mr. Fughi watched all the soldiers go from the parlor doorway. The “new maid” wrung her hands just behind him. Obi tilted Conya’s face up, so he could see what she was thinking. The cold flat look in her eye made him worried.
Leaning forward, she whispered, her lips close enough to brush against his ear, “Darling, I expect you have business that cannot wait to take care of as soon as these horrific men do, and I’m sure you’ll have a lovely story planned to tell me. I will be in my room waiting to be comforted. I don’t care if you’ve got a finger in an illegal pie. I don’t know a successful noble who doesn’t, but I’m telling you now that if you’ve brought it here to endanger my home, you will not have a place here. I may have no official power, but I can make it miserable for you. I need some peace. I’m tired of chaos.” With that, she stood and strode out of the room, somehow managing to look powerful and delicate all at once as she left Obi to stare after her.
Conya was not who he thought she was which was a disturbing idea. Admittedly, he had not been home very long. He had not really known her before now, and a handful of months wasn’t a long time to get acquainted, but he had thought he had understood what made her tick. He wanted to go after her, grab her by the shoulders, and stare into her eyes to see if he could still find the woman he called Conya.
He shook his head as Mr. Fughi cleared his throat, brow raised in a question.
She was right about one thing. He had business that couldn’t wait.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hi there! Noelle again for another Review Day review!
I really like the way you focus on Conya more in this part of the chapter. Guess I should've waited until now to critique that part of the chapter xD But I'm just so darned impatient that I had to say it right away. We see a lot of her emotion in this chapter and it really explains why she acted the way she did in the first half of the chapter. She only speaks once, but it explains everything so perfectly. She was worried because she thought Obi has done something, but then was a bit relaxed when he was back to wort it all out.
Something I really like about your writing is how you do that. Your characters do certain things that we might not understand right away, but then they do or say something else that explains everything. You don't just come right out and tell us who they are, you really show us. It's like the ultimate showing instead of telling. It's really cool.
Now I'm left wondering what Mr. Fughi knows or what he's up to. It's obvious that he's acting different than he normally does. I'm glad that we saw that through Obi's eyes because if you had just described how he was smiling and making jokes, we probably wouldn't have picked up on the fact that something was off. He's one of those characters that always seems to be around, but we don't know all too much about him. So we must rely on, for now, what the other characters say about him. Something tells me he'll be hanging around a while so we'll get to learn more about him.
I'm also interested to see if someone really did steal something and Obi is just covering it up. I've kind of assumed that that's the situation, but I never know. My guesses are almost always wrong xD
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hi Meg!
I loved this chapter! The writing wasn't your best, but I do like what I saw when it comes to storyline. I especially got that side of Conya that I wanted to see! Go her! She told it to Obi good, and proved that she is more than the soft woman everyone deems her to be. I can't begrudge her of wanting to stay out of all the business - she sounds like someone who has been through a lot and has hardened to the world, but not just wants to retire and relax. And as well as that I liked how you played the mystery maid card. I wonder if it's the princess or the girl they hired to kidnap her... I suppose I will find out in the next chapter. The plot is moving forward, new sides to characters being revealed... there isn't much I can say here apart from writing style. I still have a few issues with it, so here we go...
Not sure what you meant here because the words 'edge of' threw me off. I assuming you mean something along the lines of 'the soft sound grate at the tension filling the room'? This could use a little tweaking.
Sometimes, the way you word things really confuse me as to what they mean or why they are there. After reading this twice I think I gathered enough of the meaning - that he has always been thinking about the way he is going to say the next sentence, and how it is going to be perceived. But you need to make that more evident because the first time I read it I didn't understand, and for the reading to be fluent without any interruptions the meaning needs to be easier to understand. Also, what is the point of having this where you put it? Is it a reflection on what he just said, or things he is going to say? I wanted to know how it relate to the situation.
I think you are missing the word 'that' after necessities.
I find it strange that Conya doesn't find the butler's actions as strange as Obi does. Sure, Obi is closer to him (or at least so far as I know) but Conya has known for longer. It doesn't have to be anything big to show that she is realizing him acting different, it could just be her narrowing her eyes at him or something subtle - but not too subtle because Obi would have to notice for it to be conveyed to the reader. Mostly Conya should probably continue acting like the girl who doesn't know what is going on half the time, but I think no one could be so brilliant at acting that they don't let it slip sometimes. And seeing as this is someone Conya has known for a while, I felt like it would only be natural for her to notice as well... Or maybe she is just to sad to notice? Up to you
I still think some of the sentences that you have in this chapter are awkward to read. It's simply because there being far too many little words in there that when I read it, I trip over them all! I think I did mention it before but I will mention again: reading aloud is the key to riding out those rough patches. You really can catch everything out and see where there needs to be a simple way found to word something. An example of what I am referring to is below:
Comma needed after 'was.'
This part confused me an awful lot. Did you mean something along the lines of 'I expect you have business that cannot wait to be taken care of as soon as these horrific men leave?' I am not sure here, so make sure you double check that :/
Comma needed after the 'was' again. And yes, it must be pretty disturbing. I wanted to know more of Obi's emotions. Does he feel sheepish or fooled because he didn't notice that there was more to the woman he apparently is in love with? Does he regret belittling her so, and kicking himself for knowing better? I feel like you could've expanded a bit more on her emotions in that area.
No feedback here. I am just laughing at how much this butler needs to clear his throat xD
A very good chapter, Meg. I can't wait to read the next one now. I want to see Lekan's viewpoint coming in soon, which is something we will probably be hearing. So much is going on, things are getting exciting
Deanie x
What can I say? I found myself annoyed at certain points (I've said this before, but, oh, it's important.) by the lack of description of the environment; and at other times, I've thought, "Ah, what a line! How well-worded!" You really do a good job based on what I've read thus far, but I cannot happily avoid this issue: please write about the surroundings. Perhaps most readers are less bothered by the lack of describing the environment, but I can hardly stand it. Your work is intriguing, but I can't even follow what's happening exactly. I explained how I feel about this in another review; thus I will try not to iterate my opinions. Still, please be more descriptive of the environment. Otherwise, I have tremendous difficulty in picturing what's happening. You are a good writer: these are good lines--"lit with the glaring electric light that threw everyone’s face into unsettling clarity" and "brow raised in question." This last one is simply beautiful: "He wanted to go after her, grab her by the shoulders, and stare into her eyes to see if he could still find the woman he called Conya." My, what a line! My biggest complaint has always been and still is (but I hope it will not continue to be) that there is not enough description of the scene, the physical surroundings. I don't mean to be a bigot, but it's unbearable for me to read any story with so little description of the surroundings. Please receive what I am trying to tell you. I wish you the best, megsug. Please don't take this as an insult. I feel it is not merely what would be better for your story but what your story, in fact, needs. Best wishes!
Thanks for the review. Don't feel like you have to apologize so much. Your points have merit, and I will be taking them into account when I edit. I'm tough. I can take some criticism
Thanks again!
You're awesome! I wish you well, megsug. Thanks for being so open-minded.
Hello!
I was right, this is interesting, and I could only find one little nitpick. 
Here is a suggestion-
This was well written! 
Great job, and keep writing! 
I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but this seemed interesting, so I decided to check it out!
(paragraph 16) "It didn't really make sense for that to anger him any more than he already was or more than the fact that they had made her cry had, but it did."
I think you should add some punctuation to make this flow a little bit better.
"It didn't really make sense for that to anger him any more than he already was, or more than the fact that they had made her cry had, but it did."
This is just a suggestion though, I'm not that well with punctuation, but I do believe that some commas are needed there.
Other than that, I really couldn't find anything wrong!
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome