Rufolu was in the high temple when Obi walked in as Mr. Fughi had told him to. Turning slightly, Rufolu jerked his head, telling Obi to approach.
The collar of Obi’s formal robes itched his neck as his sweat cooled, but he ignored it as he walked up the aisle.
“Did you come here to pray? I heard you’d become rather pious recently.” He laughed, seemingly unaware that he was in a sacred place. “And then I heard you got close to a goddess.” His eyes were on a curtain pulled over a room. “The priests are under a vow not to perform for anyone. Something about saving their talents for the goddess” He waved a hand, as if brushing such a silly concern away. “I’ve been trying to get an audience with them for months. They sent me a message today letting me know they’ve figured out a way to make an exception for me.” He grinned. “One of the perks of being king, I guess.”
Standing beside him, waiting to be given permission to sit, Obi didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure how Mr. Fughi had made this happen or who he’d had to threaten, but he was indebted to that man yet again. His anger had had a few hours to die down a little, and he was calm enough to question his decision as Rufolu flaunted his ability to push people’s beliefs and wishes aside for his own to take priority. He just couldn’t trust himself to reply or even make a facial expression that wouldn’t give away his thoughts.
“Sit.” Rufolu clasped his hands as vocalizations could be heard echoing around the marble of the temple.
So Obi sat like a dog, always following a finger, obeying someone else’s command. He closed his eyes as the monks started singing in earnest, their wordless songs forming a language of their own. “I can give you names,” he whispered, wondering if Rufolu would even hear him, wondering what he would do if his king didn’t. Back ramrod straight, he held his hands stiffly in his lap, motionless, looking at the curtain with Rufolu.
An entire song had passed when Rufolu asked, his deep voice rumbling between them, “Are you talking about the names I think you’re talking about?” His eyes were closed as if he was lost in the music. Obi had forgotten, in all of his hatred for the man, what appreciation Rufolu had for music. It was a bit of a surprise to find a human underneath the title and the power.
The next song started. “Yes.” Obi crossed his right over his left knee, gripping his ankle in one hand as he cleared his throat softly. “Would you like to know them?”
“Sudden change of heart?” Rufolu’s eyes were open now though he hadn’t turned his head. “I was almost sure I was going to have to prove to you I was serious by taking that sister-in-law of yours.”
Shrugging, Obi forced the truth out of reluctant lips, “I realized that new power isn’t much better than old in this instance.”
Rufolu’s head snapped toward him, his eyes locking onto Obi’s with an intense ferocity that bordered on sanity. In the sanctuary lit only with red candles and sunlight coming in from slits in the dome of the ceiling, he was a striking figure. “I could have your tongue cut out for a comment like that.”
“Then you wouldn’t have your names.” Obi smirked, spreading his hands almost apologetically but perhaps mockingly.
“They did something. That’s what got you every time. You’re so holier than thou you never expect us devils to knock your feet out from under you, so when you fall flat on your back you throw a little tantrum.” He laughed. “It always happened when I cheated at the games we played. Remember that?”
Obi’s teeth were clenched. He had to think about loosening his jaw before saying smoothly, “Does it matter what they may or may not have done? Do you want the names or not?”
Rufolu thought about it, running his fingers over his blue silk, listening to the monks. “I suppose I do. There’s little harm if you lie, I think. That’s just innocent blood on your head.”
Swallowing, Obi nodded. So Rufolu would kill whoever he betrayed… He licked his lips, took a deep breath, and let it wheeze out as the names failed to gain traction against his tongue.
The king raised a brow. “Well?”
“The… The leader is Pen-di. Those closest to him are…” Obi spoke low and fast, but Rufolu never stopped him to ask for him to repeat a name. He had repositioned himself, hands clasped loosely in front of him, head turned forward, eyes closed.
“And the man who contacted me was-” Obi coughed, his voice breaking unexpectedly. “The man who gave me direction was…” He cleared his throat noisily, tangling his fingers together, tapping his feet. Rufolu didn’t move. “Sefu,” he finally rasped, self-hatred blindsiding him. He blinked in horror. Were those tears?
“Do you know what I think true honor is, Obi?” Rufolu asked softly, out of nowhere after minutes of silence had passed. “Not that I’m honorable or even aspire to be.” He paused and then continued when Obi said nothing, “I think honor is standing by someone even when they don’t deserve it. All of this talk about nobility and chivalry and morals… I suppose they all mean something, but what are they worth really?” He looked at Obi, eyes opening slowly. “I stood by my son because of that. You were right to call him out as you did, but sometimes you have to choose a side you don’t agree with because it’s honorable.” He shook his head a little as if to clear troubling thoughts.
“Anyways, thanks for the help. The monarchy appreciates your loyalty. You can go if you wish, or you can stay and listen to this once in a lifetime concert. Thank your butler for me if you will.” He turned his attention back fully on the singing, and Obi knew it truly didn’t matter if he remained or not.
He left, unsure if Rufolu had been praising him or chastising him with his last few words.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Heya Megsug!
Happy review day!
And happy day indeed, for once I am all caught up with your reviews! I am so happy, and I cannot wait to read more. I thought this chapter was pretty interesting. I really hoped that above all hope, Obi wouldn't give up Sefu's name. But he did. I am not sure how I feel about that, but I do understand that he is trying to protect himself and the ones he loves in turn with that. But I still can't believe it DD: And it was interesting to see the way King talked about it afterwards. It half seemed like he honoured him and half seemed like he despised him. I wonder if the king will go out and kill all the people Obi named in the end. I want to know what happens next DD:
Lots of names in a row and a bit of awkward phrasing here. I would say something more like: Obi walked into the high temple, just as Mr. Fughi had told him to. He spotted Rufolu [insert wherever he is supposed to be]. Separating it into two sentences makes it more clear and easier to read.
In the first dialogue passage you have, you say 'he' is talking an awful lot. But the thing is that I didn't know whether Obi or the kind was the person talking until pretty far into the dialogue. So maybe use the name instead of the first he to make it clear to the reader.
Hmm... what I expected was for Obi to try and barter for Lekan's punishment to be lessened in exchange for these names he was going to give the king. Maybe the attempt would've been shot down as soon as the words left his lips, but I did expect him to try because he seems to love Lekan like a son now. Or, even if he wasn't going to do it because he knew the request would be pointless, I did assume he would at least think about it for a moment, if not fleetingly. Maybe this could be something to add to the chapter!
Again, I am going to prompt you into including the setting a bit more into this chapter as well. We're in a church, and it would be nice to see the contradiction of them being in a holy sanctuary when we have such an unholy conversation going on that is succumbing certain men to their death. I am sure you could play the contradiction to your advantage here, add an ironic tone to the chapter and make it even more wonderful. But this is just a suggestion.
Your writing is wonderful, Meg, and this novel is blossoming so much. It's caught my attention and if this was a novel in my hands complete, I wouldn't be able to stop reading because I would want to know what was going to happen next. So make sure you keep writing, and as always keep me updated
Deanie x
Good transitions and character development in this work.
For all his faults, Rufolu certainly is not one of those shallow pure-evil comic book style villains. He deeply appreciates music, and ponders about such noble philosophical questions as "what is true honor?" The complexity adds depth to his character, and makes your story far more interesting and realistic than it would be otherwise.
Obi is arguably portrayed here as even more complex. We see here that he is feeling conflicted, as he betrays friends. These subtle character attributes come across well in this chapter.
This work could be left as is, finished. But, if I may, I would like to make a very very minor editing suggestion to the opening of the chapter (which I will justify below):
The reason is mostly to reverse the order of mentioning the itch and him walking up the aisle. I think this makes the power dynamic more clear earlier on, as he is readily obeying an instruction. Although, this is all really only a stylistic suggestion.
In another very minor change, also in the above excerpt, I added the proper noun 'Rofolu' where you had the pronoun 'he'. As is, I actually did read the beginning a few times just to get the pronouns straight, although it is possible that this was just due to momentary limits in my attention span.
Anyway, my suggestion is an attempt to offer something useful, to someone who already has a quality product. I hope it adds to the value of this review, rather than subtracts from it.