Heya sugar,pretzelsing here for a review of the next chapter of you book.YAY!This chapter,like all of them was so great!<3
Anyways,let's begin,shall we?
They whispered stories of men drinking wine out of their enemies’ skulls.
Eww, this is unrealistic and over exaggerated, something Lekan's friends would totally say .This practically summed up the brutality and cruelty of the Valodians.So positively yes stamp from me !
He’d taken up reading,
I think you could maybe rephrase this and write:
He had taken a liking to reading
He had started to read
Or any other creative sentence that you could think of. ^_^
I just feel like "taken up" isn't exactly the right phrase for this.
These hours, which ticked by so slowly as he watched the window for the first hint of light, were the ones where he couldn’t hide from himself.
IDK why but I felt like you should just add in here how maybe Lekan had a old-fashioned clock that tick-tocked on every second.I have one of those at my house and they are quite quaint.Or maybe Lekan has a cuckoo-clock where a bird pops out every hour of the night.That is just some really cute suggestions that you might want to incorporate into this chapter.
not even the servants to know he wasn’t sleeping as if nothing was looming over him like an ax blade.
Were the servants awake at this early hour? It seems to me like only Obi was out and the chaffeur drove him,and Conya woke Obi up, but what about the other servants. Are they even close to Lekan's room?
Parking in front of the hotel, he made his way confidently into the lounge, smiling at the clerk who nodded back
Why was Lekan so confident about this, when he had doubts,didn't know what he was doing, and he was imagining a possible interruption? That just doesn't seem like he would act confident,if you see what I mean,sugar.
He sat in front of the door, smiling pleasantly at a lady who was passing, distain evident on her face. This would do for a surprise, he supposed.
I love this last quote,great way to finish things off and a skillful cliffhanger in anticipation of a surprise. Also kind of minor, but you have a typo. "distain" should be spelled "disdain".
Now onto the general.Hmm, it seems like Lekan has another side of him, a more poetry-loving and bold person who didn't want to be idle that morning.I like that other side of his personality,almost vulnerability.So charming of him to want to bring flowers to Qui <3
I would like for you to describe the view that he had from the top of the roof. What did he see? The whole block? Streets below? Maybe the height of the building would add some perspective in our minds. Also, sorry,but I had to ask, isn't it a little bit chilly in the early morning hours outside in the cold?Is Lekan wearing a sweater or just pajamas?(which signifies the temperature there)These little things are important to the bigger picture.
Qui, I wonder where she is and I can't wait to read her interaction with Lekan. It will probably be so cute!
Valodians,so what I understand from them is that they are from the same race/blood as the Niditians(Lekan's people) but different because they are barbarians. I am wondering,and maybe Lekan should wonder this too: What caused the feud between these two countries?What happened that they are so mad at each other? I think that it would be useful for Lekan to know some background information about their history and land(geography,climate,culture,etc.)I would like to know this too <,<
Anyways,that's it from me. I hope that this review helps you improve your writing!
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