Mr. Fughi nodded at Obi as he came through the back door and tilted his head slightly, so Obi knew to follow.
Silently, Obi did so and focused on his breaths. He felt as though this day would never end. It had already stretched on for what felt like eons. One more surprise issue, and he was sure he was going to break. A strange sensation of heavy exhaustion swam around him, making him feel like his knees were going to buckle at any step.
Leading him to the top of the stairs going into the fencing room, Mr. Fughi murmured, “I thought you would like to practice your technique to unwind a little, Mr. Eshe. I made sure that the guardsmen had already checked it.”
Taking a moment to look his butler in the eye, Obi found a way to get the tips of his mouth to curve up. He was looking at the definition of faithful. “You’ve been marvelous today, Mr. Fughi. You deserve a raise, I think.”
With a quick, shallow bow, Mr. Fughi merely blinked at the compliment. “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I have to get the house back in order.” At Obi’s nod of permission, he turned sharply on his heel and marched away, briskly calling out orders to any staff close enough to hear.
Obi wasted no more time. He hurried down the steps, not cautious enough in the darkness. He was lucky he didn’t turn an ankle or miss a step and tumble down the rest of the way. As he paused, groping for the light switch, a pitiful whimpering could be heard. He hurt for the girl who must be scared and overwhelmed.
The lights flickered on as soon as his searching fingers found the switch, and he immediately saw Princess Ihyena poorly hidden in the corner behind some containers used to hold foils. She stared up at him, eyes wide. With his hands in his pockets, he let the moment of silence stretch as they watched each other.
Slowly, she stood, brushing her hands over her skirts in a smooth movement that screamed refinement. “You responded very quickly,” she said, her tiny chin hitching up jerkily. Despite her collected voice, her eyes were rimmed with red and her face was tracked with drying tears. Her breath still came in shudders.
Considering her, Obi took his time in replying though he could see his silence bother her as she fidgeted nervously. Finally, with slow heavy words, he asked, “Why did you send for me? I thought we agreed that I would notify you when I was ready.”
Lips trembling while her tiny fists tensed amid the folds of her skirts, she had trouble keeping the emotion out of her voice. “I could not stay there for another moment. I couldn’t wait for your discretion.”
He put his hands in his pockets and glanced at the floor to give her a reprieve from his heavy gaze. “I see…” His anger was ready to let loose. What if she had sent that note because someone had yelled at her? What if she had been bored? It was hard to ignore the roar of these questions. “Princess, do I need to make it clear to you what I had to go through to get you here?” He lifted his eyes to meet hers, the full force of his emotion hitting her. He relished her flinch. “Do you realize you endangered me and my household? I-”
She started to sob. Her wails were unapologetic and loud. Sitting on the cold stone floor, legs spread ungracefully out in front of her, she covered her face with her hands.
Obi felt the uncomfortable prickle of shame and panic on the back of his neck. What cause was there to make a girl cry? And how could he make her stop?
He knelt down, too far away to touch her but close enough to offer comfort. “I overstepped my boundaries, Princess,” he murmured, bowing his head humbly. “I told you I was your servant, and I am.” His fingers danced along the straight pleat of his pants, the crack in the floor. “All that is important is that you’re here, and you’re safe.”
Peering out at him over her hands, sniffling, she smiled a little. “I should have waited. I’m sorry.”
He held out his handkerchief for her to take if she wished. “It’s done now.” He settled on the floor as she wiped her eyes and nose, crossing his legs. He could feel the cold from the floor seep into his bones and knew getting up wouldn’t be the most pleasurable experience.
He also knew he couldn’t keep Ihenya down there for long.
“Tonight, I need you to sleep here. I’ll send some blankets and a pillow down when all of my staff is asleep.” He watched her as she collected herself, so that he knew she understood the full seriousness of their situation. “I have to be very careful with you. If anyone finds out, they may tell the people back in the castle. Not only will you be taken back, but I will be arrested and probably be put to death.” Her eyes were large but not necessarily surprised, just a scared.
He traced the stones in the floor, letting his eyes drop from her trusting ones. They put too heavy a weight on his shoulders. “I’ll get you to more comfortable rooms soon, but you’ll have to be very quiet down here until then.”
She nodded, and he nodded as well, unsure of what to do next.
“Well… I suppose-” For the second time, she cut him off, flinging herself onto him before he had even registered that she had pushed herself up.
“Thank you, Mr. Eshe. I’m in your debt.”
His hands froze around the tiny arms encircled around his neck. “No, Princess Ihenya,” he murmured as he pulled her off of him and stood her in front of him. He stood slowly, grimacing as his knees complained. “I told you I would serve you. That is all this is.” He looked awkwardly in to her face and patted her head hesitantly. “I’ll make sure Mr. Fughi brings down my softest blankets for you.” He turned away from her shining, hopeful face and made it up the stairs.
He sagged tiredly against the door. All he really wanted to do was go to bed, but there wasn’t time for that quite yet. Something waited for him.
He still had to talk to Conya.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi there! Noelle back again.
I feel like with the word 'silently' at the beginning is awkward. Putting it after the word 'so' would flow better.
I've been noticing this sort of friendship growing between Obi and Mr. Fughi. I haven't really realized it until now. I know that Mr. Fughi has been becoming a bigger part of the story, but to me he still seemed to be Obi's butler. So far in this chapter though, I've gotten the impression that they're much closer than employer and employee, or however else you'd describe it. Mr. Fughi truly cares about Obi and it's quite obvious.
This part is worded a bit oddly. It sounds like he's forcing himself to smile, although everything else about him makes it seem like he wouldn't have to force a smile. Especially with the compliment he gives Mr. Fughi right after that.
I'm quite surprised that the princess isn't more uncomfortable. I'm sure she has never been uncomfortable before in her life. Now she's being hidden in a basement, only getting promised blankets and a pillow for the night. All she seems concerned about though, is Obi's kindness. She doesn't want to stay in that basement, but she wants to make sure that she thanks him properly. Her priorities are all mixed up.
Once again, we see another side of Obi. We might've seen this side of him already, I might've just forgotten, but it's so apparent in this scene. He's not a person that knows how to comfort anyone. It's so awkward when the princess hugs him. He just doesn't know what to do. He also won't accept her apology. I can't tell if that's because he's proud or because he really doesn't want her to owe him anything. Or maybe it's both. They could really be the same thing.
The ending here is a bit surprising. I wouldn't have thought that Conya would be on his mind right after talking to the princess. There's obviously unfinished business between him and Conya so I guess he wants to fix that right away. I'll have to wait and see.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hi Megsug!
And I liked how the Princess is being hidden - it must be a big change from the usual quality she is offered. I am not sure how strong she is as a person and seems to be a bit weak. Which is a stark contrast from all the other characters we have met so far in the novel, so I am interested to see how you will play with someone who is a bit weaker. I hope she stays that way just so we can see what it is like.
Here for another review! I am going to catch up with this novel, I just feel it.
This was a good switch back to Obi and the storyline involving the princess. Even though we only see the butler for a little bit here, I still love his role. Gah, I love his character so much and I think you already know it (I tell you basically every time) but there is no harm in me telling you again
I felt like the beginning was a bit stiff when it came to words. It didn't run throughout the whole chapter, but I did think it was a bit too many small words in one go again. There were plenty of unnecessary ones which I am sure you will have no trouble with pulling out and rearranging the sentences so they work better. But as usual, it interfered a bit with the flow and I think it stopped some of the depth to the story as well.
That aside, I am going to be honest and say I was a bit disappointed with our first meeting of the princess. Yes, we have seen her before but she hasn't spoken like this. I felt like she was just another person and didn't get any particular "princess-y" vibes from her, other than Obi's obedience which he rarely shows to other people. But in this case I felt like he was talking to any other child he might've decided to help and hide. You need to throw something into give her a bit more of a royal aura around her. Maybe it could be in the description, the way she speaks or maybe even the way she treats the area. She is probably used to living in a much higher quality than the one she is living in now, so how does that change things? How well is she adapting? Those are some things that might help her seem more important.
I also wonder when we will get to know her reasons for calling earlier. Yes, she says she couldn't stay there any longer. But I still don't completely understand (or maybe it is remembering, not sure?) why she wants to leave the palace so badly. We could probably think of plenty, but I mean her as a princess. What drove her over the edge enough to seek help from an outer force? I wonder and us readers want to know! Maybe that will come in the future but I am hoping it will appear sooner rather than later.
I found this sentence in particular to be rather long and would put a full stop where the comma is to make it shorter. The follow on doesn't have to be what is after the comma but could be something that stems from that as well.
As for the basement I have a vague impression of what it looks like, but I still feel like we are missing something vital! Make sure you use some of those beautiful descriptions I saw in the previous chapter and apply them here. Even if we are indoors and well, it's harder to make things sound as wonderful as the vast outside world, I am sure you can do just as much of a good job. Try it here!
I don't think there is anything more of use that I can say! So instead of fangirling over the novel I will leave it at this. I will be back again soon, trust me
Deanie x
Hello and Happy Review Day! I haven't read the other chapters so I'll just be looking for nitpicks.
You forgot something after 'a', maybe 'bit'?
He was lucky he didn’t turn an ankle or miss a step and tumble down the rest of the way.
'Turning' an ankle doesn't sound quite right. 'Twisting' would work better, but it's up to you.
“You responded very quickly,” she said, her tiny chin hitching up jerkily. Despite her collected voice, her eyes were rimmed with red and her face was tracked with drying tears.
By the way she says it, it seems to me that there is something wrong with him arriving early. If she's just surprised at his swift arrival, then mention her surprise somewhere, but if there is something wrong then let us know.
"Tonight, I need you to sleep here. I’ll send some blankets and a pillow down when all of my staff is asleep.”
Staff 'is' asleep? I'm eight percent sure that this is just the way your character talks, but I'm mentioning it incase.
Her eyes were large but not necessarily surprised, just a scared.
This isn't Mario.
Those are all the nitpicks I found. Good luck with the next chapters.
What an epic story, megsug!
. Having seen my first glimpse of the story, I'm impressed with the beauty and elegance you have created out of your writing! Gosh, I wish I had been here when the first chapter was released - this really is amazing. 
. Obi is a fascinating character, with his own complexities and traits, and it seems that he has some sort of a connection to the Princess Ihenya. I feel quite bad for him - it seems that, on top of a rough day, he's had nothing but issues here and issues there and it sounds almost impossible to bear. Mr. Fughi is cool, and the way he sees to Obi's tasks is impressive. The details for each of the characters are awesome, and I feel like I know them and their emotions after having read this part. 
Mr. Fughi is calm, collected, and knows how to prevent his emotions from showing, and Obi is pronounced, helpful, and also serious, though he has devoted himself to serving the Princess. I wonder why she sent for him, especially as it is clear that this was neither expected nor legal? He can be quite powerful at times, Obi is, but I like how you display his kind side in the way that he treats the Princess better, and decides to stop criticizing her. The way he helps her is awesome, and, although the Princess is quite a conflicting, and not entirely likeable character, she does show great respect to Obi for his assistance, and that's a great addition to the emotions of the story. I'm impressed with your story, megsug - the details are wonderful, your use of the English language is profound and incredible, and the vast array of characters add a unique flavor to your work that I enjoy. I find almost no grammar nor writing mistakes in this work, and I'm satisfied (beyond that. 
) with your work. Great job! I look forward to more! 