Hi Megsug!
I was just thinking I haven't come to this novel in a while, so it's time I stopped by I like how Lekan is pretty willing to go along with the idea of small talk, and that his attention shifted towards the relationship between Obi and Conya. It's not that he is disapproving quite, but that he is jealous that his mother can seem so at ease with him when at times she doesn't even seem to be at ease around her own son. I wonder if there will be a Conya and Lekan moment here, because I do think that is going to be necessary somewhere along the lines. I am also interested to see what the results of this small talk lesson are going to be.
I am going to agree with Blackwood and say we should see more of the dinner activity. But they wouldn't actually be eating seeing as this is sort of midday. So maybe they have lunch together? And I get the impression that even then the food wouldn't be out until they started talking. So I'm not sure here. Up to you!
He lowered himself into the hard wooden chair slowly, offhandedly wondering how
There's always been that rule against adverbs, but I have never been too bothered with them too much. But here is where they stood out to me too much, so we should get rid of them. Slowly and offhandedly are right next to each other. My suggestion would be to alter the end of the sentence to make it say the same thing without having to use the adverb. For example: slowly, his mind wondering how... etc.
He turned at his mother’s snort though when he looked at her, she was completely straight faced.
I just felt like 'though' was the wrong conjunction in this sentence. It would've made more sense with but instead.
Whatever it is, the fact remains that she is a door to information you need. It may be a very small door or a door leading to an empty room except for yet another door on the far wall,
I like the analogy you are using and I do think it is good to get the point across this way. But personal I got lost with all the mentions of 'door'. I think that began after the word 'except'. What I believe you to mean is that although it seems like this whole idea is going nowhere with the prince's daughter, in the end it might lead to something more. How about adding in a phrase to extend the sentence and have the reader take a break from having to understand? For example making it: or a door leading to an empty room. But you'll never know if what seems like nothing actually leads on to more unless you try. In that example we don't have the word door again so we can't get confused with the analogy.
Lekan marveled at Obi’s dry professionalism. The man was bordering emotionless.
I didn't get the impression that Obi was emotionless at all? Mostly because we aren't getting the focus on the tone of his voice or his face expression - all we are seeing is snapshots of the actions he is involved in with Conya. You need to tell us how flat his voice was and that his face looked focused on Lekan's and didn't change no matter what he said. In that case, we will be shown that he is emotionless instead of being told it. I think telling works to some degree, as long as you show things to back up what you are saying.
Her frown mirroring his snapped him out of his thoughts
This just felt like an odd way to phrase what you wanted to say in my opinion. My suggestion is to switch around words like: When he snapped out of his thoughts her frown mirrored his own. That way we switch up the order of the sentence but get the same implications.
The way her eyes were slanted at him now, something about how her irises were just barely hidden by her lashes and how her face wasn’t directly turned toward him though she was obviously completely focused on him made her more attractive than he had ever been aware of before.
I hope it isn't just me, but I do find it weird that he is calling his mother. I don't really have any occasions where in my mind I think my father is attractive O.o I would say that she is doing all these sly things, but in the end you give the reader the impression she is attractive without Lekan actually saying it for us. For example, you could have Conya's actions remind us of Qui, and that would give us the same impression. Or maybe say that she was demanding attention in a way that wasn't including any shouting, but simply her presenece. Those are all possible ways of saying the same thing.
And also, I would like to touch upon your wording here. Again, it doesn't seem to flow quite right for me. I would much rather read: It was something about the way her eyes were slanted at him now - at how her irises were barely hidden by her lash and her face wasn't directly turned toward him that reminded him of Qui. Even if she was angled away (I'm doing this to shorten the rather long sentence) she was still completely focused on him.
I had a lot of little details to fuss about when it came to word order and flow, but otherwise this chapter was a very good one. It seems like Lekan is really getting his lessons down to pat. I'll be back for more soon!
Deanie x
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