18+ Language Mature Content

The Veil - Chapter 20 Part 2

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

The sermon was long, and Qui’s legs started going to sleep. The ache in her knees made her remember the creeping age that she tried to defy. Hearing Obi shift with a slight groan, she knew he was feeling the same way.

If she turned her head the slightest bit towards the wall, she could see wax from the bright red candles hardening on the floor in small puddles.

“As Saint Terind once prayed for sight for that which he could not see, we must pray that we can see the spiritual struggle going on within and around us. Pray now to the goddess and her faithful servant.”

Everyone lowered their torsos until their noses were almost touching the floor. Qui could do this with little trouble. One of the requirements of her career was to be lithe. She suppressed a smile at Obi’s low hiss. Obviously the years had been less kind to his bones than hers.

She tried to focus on her prayers.

Perhaps Qui wasn’t sincere in many things, but religion was not one of them. Gods did not take kindly to half-heartedness, and Qui was not normally one foolish enough to encourage the bringing of misfortune.

However, Obi was fascinating.

For a man she had judged as rather impious, he seemed fervent in his prayers.

As men and women began to get up and leave after the unspoken time that was deemed religious enough, Obi stayed, his lips moving silently, his breath a soft slightly uneven rasp against the smooth marble. His hands, held tightly against his chest in what looked like an uncomfortable position, clenched and unclenched spasmodically.

Qui was curious, but not so curious that she would make it obvious that she was watching him. She closed her eyes for a few quick moments to rattle off a few prayers so frequent they were practically robotic.

Goddess, protect my sisters. While the priestesses are against us, I cannot believe you would never refuse to take us to your bosom with the rest of your children.

Allow me to keep my clients.

Give me an opportunity to be something more than a whore.

She almost got up then, paused, and settled once more.

Protect Lekan, please.

With that, she stood, leaving Obi on the ground as she slipped across the white marble, glancing at the small rectangular windows just below the ceiling to see how late it was.

The clouds were bruised a light purple.

She followed the line of followers out of the door, dipping her hand into the bowl of water and allowing a priestess to touch the top of her head with desert heather tied to a stick.

“Be the servant’s tool as you go about your way,” the priestess murmured as each person passed.

She stepped back into reality, the eleven steps leading back to the street turning darker and darker red until she was standing in the dust. Standing to the side, she watched the door, waiting for Obi to exit.

He passed through the arched doorway, shaking his hand dry as he descended quickly, taking the smallest of pauses after every second step as if walking to a song in his head. He glanced over as if expecting her and gave her a strained smile. “I suppose I could make myself known to you and avoid questions at the time.”

“That’s an astute assumption, Mr. Eshe,” she murmured, swaying her hips as she approached him.

Raising an eyebrow at her, he began to walk, seeming to expect her to walk with him. She was wary until he offered his arm and then all of her alarms went off, telling her to step away. “Well, Qui’in, are you going to ask your question?”

She took his arm though her mind screamed at her to run, that something was fishy about Obi Eshe right now.

“You are not a religious man,” she said as they walked, ignoring the glances that were shot their way.

Shrugging, he looked down at her, not as disdainful enough to make her comfortable. “Should I answer the implied question there?”

Looking straight ahead, allowing his arm to brush against the side of her breast and her hip to touch his thigh in time to their steps, she nodded. “If you wish.” She wasn’t sure what game they were playing anymore. She had planned peppering him with questions and blocking aversions until she had either answers or an enjoyably pissed off Obi.

Putting his other hand on hers so he had more control of their positioning, shooting her a look that told her he knew what she was doing and that he was doing something altogether different. He didn’t try to widen the distance between them though.

“I am not normally one for religion,” he said slowly, “But I couldn’t imagine a better time to take it up.”

She blinked slowly when he tilted his head until his mouth was far too close to her ear. To any observing, it would look scandalously provocative, especially coming right out of the temple.

She felt anger burst the sweet calm she’d been existing in. People did not play with her. People did not use her. She tugged their strings, and they fell into place where she needed them to. Something was going on, something she didn’t know about, and Obi had just dragged her in. If she was going to be in a chess game, she was not going to be a pawn. “Obi,” she hissed, “You’re going to tell me why the fuck you’re using me this moment, or I swear to the goddess, I will make a scene right here and accuse you of taking advantage. We know I’m very close to Kamaria, and she and Rofulo have little use for you right now.”

Comments & reviews · 4
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Noelle
Comment

Hi there!

So, I don't have a review for you here. This chapter is great. We're really getting deeper into Obi and Qui's relationship and I think it's awesome. They are by far my two favorite characters, which is good seeing as we see them the most ^_^

And, um, up, that's it. This is just an amazing chapter. Awesome job.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sun Dec 28, 2014 7:20 am

Hello Megsug!

Happy review day!

I am here to leave a review for another one of your awesome chapters. Excuse me if this is merely a comment though, because this is an absolutely amazing chapter.

I couldn't find a single thing to nitpick which is good, even though it makes this pretty hard to review. I wonder what Obi is up to now, especially as he just sent someone out to help the princess. And I love how Qui is perceptive enough to know something is going on. Honestly, I love your characters and that is one of the main things that makes this novel so awesome. You always keep them aware and trying to stay on top of the situation :) And as I think I mentioned in the previous review as well, I absolutely love the inclusion of religion in this. It adds to the world building, and most would think that Qui wouldn't be someone who believes because of her "profession". But you are doing a good job of always making Qui someone unique and likely to be doing the unexpected ;)

Putting his other hand on hers so he had more control of their positioning, shooting her a look that told her he knew what she was doing and that he was doing something altogether different.


I know what you meant by this sentence, but it was a bit confusing just because it was so long. It would be awesome if you could shorten it a bit, maybe split it in two? Like: Putting his other hand on hers so he had more control of their position he shot her a look that told her he knew what she was doing. But he was doing something altogether different. Or maybe you could cut it in two earlier as well.

I would love to give you some more feedback, but I don't think there is much for me to say here. So I will just move on and get reviewing the next chapter! Great job ;)

Image

Deanie x

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AfterTheStorm
Review

Good afternoon, Meg! It's Storm here to review for you on this fine Review Day on behalf of the green team. Let's get down to business ... (to defeat the Huns.)

First things first, I really need to stop jumping into reviews for chapters in the middle of books. xD They end up being really exciting, just like your chapter here, and then I suddenly am overcome with the need to read the novel all over from the beginning! Because of the way you characterized Qui, I'm fascinated. Maybe you'll see some more comments from me on earlier chapters of The Veil. :D

Next, "Perhaps Qui wasn’t sincere in many things, but religion was not one of them." The double negative here is slightly confusing. You may want to look these two sentences over because Right now it's difficult to discern whether or not she took religion seriously (or perhaps I'm just too tired to understand your meaning). Haha

Thirdly, I like the interesting way that you allow the audience to see into Qui's person through her own spoken words in prayer instead of outright saying, "This is how she feels." Great way to show instead of tell!

And then, oh snap. Qui gets all sassy towards Obi and it's going down. xD I really like the odd chemistry between these two characters; their interactions with one another are quite humorous sometimes.

What a great piece here! Even though I honestly don't know what's going on due to the fact that I haven't read any of the previous chapters yet, I'm hooked. Keep up the good work, Meg! Thank you for sharing, and as always: Write on!

---Storm

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Josie98
Review
Josie98 wrote a review · Sun Nov 30, 2014 3:36 am

Hello!

"Putting his other hand on hers so he had more control of their positioning, shooting her a look that told her he knew what she was doing and that he was doing something altogether different. He didn’t try to widen the distance between them though."

I would suggest taking out the coma after "positioning" adding *and* then going on to "shooting" by just putting a coma and the going to shooting it doesn't flow very well!

It's a great chapter! I obviously got the last half of it, and Im coming in on the 20th chapter! ;) But I did enjoy reading it. Im looking forward to reading more of your writing, you have a very nice style!

Good Luck with finishing your novel and editing! (editing is always the hardest part for me...:/ ) looking forward to the next chapter! :) have a great night!



sometimes i don't consider myself a poet but then i remember that i literally write poetry
— chikara