12+ Language

The Veil - Chapter 14 Part 2

Qui studied Obi out of the corner of her eye, trying to dissect his feelings from his expression. He opened a door for her, his eyes seeming to pierce through the veil, making her wish she had chosen her thickest one even though it made the world mere shadows. She normally only wore it in her home when she had a particularly ugly client, and it would have been a nightmare to walk through the streets nearly blind.

They stood there, him respectfully waiting by the door, her looking up into his face, patiently watching. Catching the tenseness in his neck as he tilted his head into the room, she smiled in triumph as he blinked quickly. “Please, Ms. Taliop, into my office.” His words were clipped which made her chuckle softly.

“Whatever you say, darling.”

The glare he shot her was perfect. He nodded at Mr. Fughi who was staring at them both suspiciously and closed the door softly.

“What do you think you’re doing here?” he asked in little more than a whisper as he sat behind his desk. It was a classic move to assert dominance. She was insulted he tried it on her. She stood before him, ignoring the chairs for the moment.

Slowly, she approached the desk before leaning on it languidly. She watched his eyes sample her figure for a split second before jerking back to her face. “I just had to come see you.”

An eyebrow slowly rose. “Why aren’t you with my nephew? That’s what I’m paying you for.” His eyes flickered down to her leg as she sat on the edge of his desk.

“You know,” she murmured huskily, edging papers out of the way with her toe as she stretched her leg out, “I always imagined you’d be one to have a neat desk.”

His thoughts were plastered over his face as he stared disapprovingly at her slipper. “What can I say, I’m full of surprises.”

She wondered at him. Despite the obvious irritation, he didn’t seem flustered or out of control. In fact, as he continued to frown at her slipper, she began to feel like a fool. Her face felt hot under the thin cloth, and it was a struggle not to lower her leg sheepishly.

After a long moment of silence where Obi seemed to merely be pondering the state the world must be in if a woman was sitting on his desk, he looked up at her, appearing mildly interested. “Why did you say you were here?”

Angry at herself for being flustered and at him for not falling for her charms, Qui through the cards down on the desk. “Do you know what these cards are?” she demanded, standing again, hands on hips. There was a moment where her pride was saved at the surprise that flickered over her lips, opening his lips and widening his eyes before he glanced up at her with a questioning smile. “I see Lekan gave you my cards. Last time I give the boy a present.”

She leaned over the desk, this time caught up in the seething anger that she had held back to try to toy with Obi. “First,” she hissed, too close to his face to be comfortable though she definitely couldn’t back away now, “I don’t share clients. Second, these cards mean something, and I don’t think you’re stupid enough not to know that.

He didn’t move back as he had hoped, merely blinking slowly. “I… see.” Linking his hands, he smiled into her veil, his eyes flicking around the folds shielding her face. “You’re from the far east, are you?” His eyes slid down her body now in a mocking way, making her want to cross her arms across her chest. “Maybe I should have guessed. Where’d your accent go?” He seemed honestly curious. “Why did you come here?”

She was choked with fury and was quiet for long moments rather than risk stuttering. “In a country where my people are considered nothing more than conquered item, I quickly learned to lose my culture.” She berated herself for the bitterness evident in the snap of her words.

Pity rested in his eyes as he studied her, no longer as a whore but as a person. “I know what it means,” he breathed, his words soft in the silent room. “They were a signal in the far east during the Nidite invasion. An organization that spread across tribes had begun to form. Most of their victories were accomplished via secrecy and surprise. The cards were a code that was never picked up by the Nidite army. Different games had different meanings.” He shuffled the cards slowly. “Really, I think this system is a large reason behind the reason why the natives of the far east were able to take back their land.”

“Do you know what the new system of government did to the far east?” she asked, sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk. The battle for authority was over; a truce had been agreed upon.

His voice was flat. “Tore it apart. Genocide ravaged the new country for a while and then a dictator, Mistress Meboni, I believe, took over. She’s still in power despite riots and unrest throughout the country. The nomadic lifestyle that marked the far east before the invasion is all but dead.” His face was emotionless. The facts that fell from his lips were lifeless.

She licked her lips, her accusations fighting against her tongue. “You know what most of my people said?”

“What?” He already knew what she was going to say. She could tell.

“That we wouldn’t have had a chance without the good luck of finding about the supply train and the schedule. Really, that amount of luck is shocking, don’t you think?” Her words whipped through the hair and he crossed his legs slowly, ankle over knee, leaning back in his chair.

“Qui’in, why do you where that veil?”

Blinking, she tried to reorient herself. “Ah…” She almost refused to tell him as she normally did, but then she remembered what she’d told Lekan. The kid might say something anyways. “I was in with the wrong crowd. I trusted the wrong guy. He scarred me up.”

“Interesting. Is that what you tell all of your curious customers or do you tell each of them a different story?” He head was tilted to the left ever so slightly, and his eyes crinkled as if he thought he’d won something.

“Ah… I… Um…” She cleared her throat as he began to laugh, wondering how this man take her by surprise.

“Dear, Qui’in,” he practically sang, “Do you expect me to give up my secrets when you won’t give up yours?”

Comments & reviews · 4
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Pretzelstick
Review

Heya sugar, today is review day and I want to catch up with your wonderful novel that I really enjoy reading. So I will write this review as I go along.

Anyways, let's begin,shall we?

“Whatever you say, darling.”

The glare he shot her was perfect.


I feel like I have to tell you that this is probably my favorite line out of this whole chapter. It's so cunning and I can only imagine the poor guard and his suspicions about them have almost been confirmed. ;)

Ohh, this conversation is so intriguing and I really really like the charm and secrecy behind the scenes almost. Because this chapter felt like a "behind the scenes" chapter if you could call it that. The conversation displayed the characters perfectly so no complaints there.

his eyes seeming to pierce through the veil, making her wish she had chosen her thickest one even though it made the world mere shadows.


Well, I hope that she does realize that no matter how thick her veil is, the piercing gaze can still be felt,right? I have had personal experience with this, and the mask or the thickness of it, doesn't really matter in this case. I thought Qui was a bit more thoughtful mind process.

“I always imagined you’d be one to have a neat desk.”


My question is: Why? Why did she expect this from him and have higher expectations of cleanliness that he obviously failed to meet. I honestly don't think that Obi strikes me as a neat person, since you haven't really mentioned that anywhere in the novel before.

Where’d your accent go?


Accents aren't everything from heritage. Plus I am pretty sure that neither Obi nor Qui have an accent since you never ever mentioned it before yet.

That's really all that I could find concerning nitpicks. Your writing is just so perfect and well-written and so it would seem sad to tear it apart. Anyways, I am very interested to see where this conversation is going to go and what will be revealed. I am very intrigued at the possibility that there is another story behind the veil, and that the one that Qui told Lekan might be false. I am wondering why Qui would cover up the truth with something as simple and everyday as this?

I hope that my two cents helps you in any way at all. Keep on writing sugar!

~Peace Out~

/Pretzelsing/

[color=red]HAPPY REVIEW DAY![/color\

User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review · Sat Oct 11, 2014 7:45 pm

Hi there!

I'm behind... again. Looks like I've got some catching up to do.

I like this part of the chapter. I like it because it's a reminder that Obi and Qui aren't exactly friends. Qui is working for Obi, that's the bottom line. Maybe since they'd talked to each other they'd become something like friends, but for the most part it's a business relationship. And seeing them go at each other like this reminds us of that fact. Their relationship is almost as interesting as Qui and Lekan's.

First,” she hissed, too close to his face to be comfortable though she definitely couldn’t back away now, “I don’t share clients.

I have to admit, I don't quite understand what she means by this. Does she mean she doesn't share information about her clients?

Hm... there really isn't much else that I can say. I keep reading this over and over again, looking for something useful that I can tell you, but I can't find anything. Qui is quite an interesting character and I just want to know all of her secrets. How did she get to be the way she is and why does she wear that veil all the time? I know that it's not because some guy messed up her face. At least, I know that that isn't the whole story. I so want to find out!

Obi is coming along quite well as well. He seems to have a similar personality to Qui; superior, goes about his business, hiding secrets. He was able to hide the fact that he asked Qui to train Lekan for a while. I think Lekan figures that out in a previous chapter, yes? I'm sorry, it's so hard for me to remember details like that at times. I swear my memory is terrible...

I'm looking forward to reading more! I'll check out the other chapters soon.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

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Linkzude16
Review

Oh my gosh! What a chapter, I love it! There's amazingly realistic dialogue, depth to the characters, and some intriguing background to Qui. It's all rather intriguing. I did not read any of the other chapters because this was the one in the green room, but I am definitely making the trek through each other one now!

While there are some grammar mistakes like "how this man take her by surprise," this chapter is quite professional: it's not overly vague because you cannot think of what to say, and it flows together like the work of Lewis, George Eliot, or Leo Tolstoy. I'm not flattering. I truly think this is amazing. Although I am basing my judgments on a first impression, I think this really does compare to literature of the aforementioned level. I'm thankful I chose to review this and not something else. You have surprised me with this, and I'm eager to dive into more of your work. This is outstanding writing, literally outstanding! God bless, megsug!

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Thu Aug 28, 2014 6:17 am

Hey there Meg!

Ooh, so maybe Qui'in isn't actually telling us the truth about why she wears her veil. I have to say this was a brilliant chapter. I loved seeing Obi and Qui talking together, seeing the way they both fought to get the advantage over the other. Some things worked and others didn't, but in the end it was awesome to see Qui feeling out of her depth for once. I was sure something like that might happen if they ever got the chance to talk properly and observe each other. I think they both learned a lot from that meeting xD I wonder why Qui doesn't want any help in getting Lekan ready to go though? Wouldn't it only make her job easier? And can't she understand Obi wanting to help out his nephew in all the ways he possibly could? I feel like her being so possessive is almost inconsiderate in her part/

she murmured huskily, edging papers out of the way with her toe as she stretched her leg out,


Although you do mention it later, all the way up to this sentence there is no mention of her sitting on the desk. Because of this I felt it was a bit weird for her to have her foot up on the desk. In my mind I imagined her still standing in front of the desk, stretching her leg all the way up just to push some papers. So, maybe mentioning it before you write this line in could help get the right image in my mind ;)

Qui through the cards down on the desk.


I think you mean threw.

her pride was saved at the surprise that flickered over her lips


Here you mean his lips.

Second, these cards mean something, and I don’t think you’re stupid enough not to know that.


This may be the tiniest nitpick in the world, but you needed speech marks at the end of this lot of speech.

He didn't move back as he had hoped.


I think the second he should be a she?

Her words whipped through the hair


Small typo *air.

Oh, you don't know how much I want to get into Obi's mind now and see what he is thinking about all this and the meeting. Hopefully that can happen in the next chapter, or the next part of this one. I would tell you if there was anything I wanted in this chapter apart from the nitpicks mentioned, but it would be very hard to do.

Maybe you could have Qui focus a bit more on the other things in the office? I can't remember if you previously described this room to us before - because then you won't want to have another long description of it. But maybe Qui's eyes could pick up certain things like pictures or books or so, and try and figure more about Obi from this. I feel like that was her main mission in coming, and she would be alert and try to take in her surroundings a bit more.

But other than that I wouldn't be able to ask for more. Each of these chapters are so close to perfection ^.^ Keep me notified!

Deanie x



A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles