Now that we know more about what's going on here, we need a plan to figure out how to stop the government from making dragon's go extinct.
"We could try talking to them." Edith said.
"That might just work." Peter replied.
"Yes, but we need to be very convincing." Savannah chimed in.
"Yes, I agree with Savannah." I said. "I don't think the government will be convinced so easily. Especially by four teenagers, may I add."
"Yeah, I guess your right." Peter said, "But anything is worth a try. Right?"
"I guess." I say.
So we decided to go to the government and talk to them.
***
Now, your probably all wondering how we have a government, when there's a king, queen and a princess. Well we have a government, but therefore the king and queen has more power. A few months ago mother told me a story. It was about the king before my parents. She said. "A long time ago, when me and your father were very little, the king decided to make the dragons go extinct. 'But mom' I said during her tale 'What about the queen.' There was no queen. Mother continued. But anyway as I was saying. This king was mean, and cruel, and wanted to take down dragons for good. So he marched to the government and told them about what he wanted. The government said 'yes', because they had to obey him. So they figured out about the golden dragon, and all the other dragons that hold special power. They got all the special stones, except for one. The fire stone. They still haven't found it."
Then she kissed me goodnight and went to sleep. Now we have to keep the government from getting that fire stone. And that's what were going to do.
***
Later that day we decided to march into that government place, and give them a talking to about the Dragons.
"Hey," we said as we entered the government building. We knew we would mostly likely get in trouble, because we just kind of marched in there, and I don't think we were supposed you.
"What do you stupid teenagers want?"
"We want to talk to you about the dragons," Savannah yelled.
"Listen kids, the dragons will be taken care of because of the old kings prophecy about the golden dragon, and the last egg."
"Yes," Peter said. "We know about that prophecy and we are here to stop it. We don't think that you should make dragons go extinct. First off there are dragon keepers for a reason."
"Yes, well, the old kings prophecy is the one we still follow, now why don't you go be good kids and watch some t.v. Okay?"
"What the hell is going on here." Blake said, as he walked in.
"Blake?" Peter said. "What are you doing here, I thought you were helping us with the dragon keeper thing."
"Like I said before, there wasn't a fifth dragon keeper. Now, why the hell are the four dragon keepers here Mathew."
"Look Blake." Mathew (the government worker we were talking to) said. "They were just coming to tell us about this stupid dragon prophecy thing, and they don't want it to happen."
"For your information" Savannah blurted out. "There is a new queen now, and maybe that king/queen doesn't believe in that prophecy, and maybe they don't want it anymore. Maybe you should stop following this old stupid kings prophecy and follow the new rulers new prophecy, maybe they believe something different about the dragons."
"Yeah right." Blake said. "Now, I want you to leave."
We knew by then they wouldn't be convinced so we started to leave.
"Wait..." Mathew said.
"Yes..." Edith said.
"We want you to get that last element stone. It's the fire one. You know that."
"Yeah well to bad, we don't have to help you." I said. "Especially because I'm the queen/kings daughter."
"Well, if you don't then I guess you could say goodbye to your families. All of you, if you don't do this for us, and extinct the dragons, then you can watch your families die. Do you understand." Mathew said.
"Yes." We all said together sound startled.
***
We went to my castle in my parents kingdom. When we came in, my mom seemed upset. She was crying.
"Give me a minute guys, I will be down in a minute."
"Okay" Peter said.
I followed my mother upstairs.
"Mom?" I asked. "What's wrong?"
"Your father." She started to say.
"Mom, what happened to dad."
"As you know, he left for war, with another kingdom, and someone killed him."
"What?"
"Tell your friends to leave, please, I can't do this."
"Do what mom?"
"It's nothing, just go tell your friends to leave."
"Okay.."
I walked back downstairs.
"Guys, you have to go. I'm really sorry, but I will see you tomorrow for the dragon keeper."
"Well we have to spend the night, what do you mean you're not coming."
"I need to stay here with my mom, but I promise, I will explain everything tomorrow."
"Okay" Peter said.
Savannah and Edith started walking to the portal to the land of dragons, but Peter stayed.
"Hey, Sasha?" Peter said sympathetically. "What's going on."
I started to cry, as he moved my hair behind my ear. He reached out to hug me, and I hugged him back.
"My mom, just told me my father passed away at war, with another kingdom."
"Oh my God, Sasha. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, I guess." I said. We stopped hugging.
"See you tomorrow. Bye Sasha."
"Okay, bye Peter, and thanks for the hug." I said still crying
"No prob. See you later." He said as he walked off.
I went back inside, and ran to my room, where Rosalind waited for me to visit. She knew what happened, and she stayed silent with her head down. I laid down on my bed, tears running down my face, like they are completing a marathon.
I cried myself to sleep that night, and the next morning I knew I had to go back, and explain myself, unless Peter had already done it, which to me, would be a favor.
End of chapter
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138,167 Literary Works • 672,078 Reviews
And again I am here to give your great chapter a review and as normal I like the name of the story I think so fare it soots what I have read so great choices of name.
I like the characters to so fare. I like they have different personalities. I know if all of your characters had the same personality's people will just think the story is lame and boring. So I think you are doing a great job with your story so fare. 
And now let’s get started with the review.
Can you do a little bit of description here. You could ad some smell and feel.
Over here I think you can describe Rosalind was her face full of worry?
So that is all for now.
Oh and happy review day from your new friend Tsunami.
Alright, so I like the idea in this - and the teenagers attitude's somewhat.
Alright, so I'm not exactly sure who is talking here, or if it's just the narrative voice... If it is the MC's thoughts, you need to specifically specify (that's a tongue-full) that it is. Use italicization, add "I thought" or "Edith seemed to read my thoughts" (and that is why she suggested something.) Otherwise, quotations are needed, as well as a speaker.
WHOA- this seems to have happened really quickly. Like, really quickly. And why was your MC so... kind of easy-going about it. She didn't seem to react instantly to the situation or what her mother said - only till after she told her friends to leave. I just don't think this is very believable. If I were just told my dad died, I'm almost sure my heart would stop - or I would at least be frozen in place. People react to fear/sorrow in different ways, just make sure she reacts to the news beforehand maybe...
Other Suggestions, considerations, and possibly a rant:
Okay, this is me being really nitpicky and stuff, but I don't particularly like the way you talk to readers. It's a bold move, and I admire that, but I just don't think you executed it well. You tend to use the words "now" and "I know you know" or "I know you may be thinking". Honestly, this is what I used to do a lot when I was starting out writing stories in middle school. It's a rather "childish-ish" way of doing this, and it didn't really come across well with me. It's also not very clear where it starts and where it ends (you talking to the reader), so it makes it confusing and distracting.
In Adam Gidwitz's A Tale Dark and Grimm, he does the precise thing you are trying to do in this. And, I LOVED IT. A little thing I noticed from his that if you applied to yours, I think, could make it work a whole lot better:
1. Separate clearly. Gidwitz used bold in his 3-4 line "personal moment" with the readers.
2. Don't do it often. I know this may be tempting, but by having just one or two line actually talking directly to the reader, and having them spaced out makes it a lot more easier to read and enjoy.
I'm not going to waste your time with the grammar mistakes - they're pretty self-explanatory. (punctuation mostly). Anyway, Adrian did a really good job of most of what I was going to say though.
~Snazz Pizzazz
Thanks so much for the review, and tips. I have a question. How do you make words bold or italized cause I don't really se buttons to do that on the publishing center. By the way, not relative to the topic, I really like your avatar!
Thanks for the review
Bold: [b] [/b.] (without the period)
Italics: [i] [/i.] (without the period)
Thanks, and no problem!
Thanks for the help. I really appreciate it. Talk to you later!:D
Hey, Dogsrule! Adrian here for a review!
My big question here is how do the stones kill all of the dragons? The question might be answered later on, but stuff like that needs to be known for scheme to make sense. For the government's scheme to be even halfway terrifying. How can all of the dragons go extinct because of a few simple stones? What is the backstory behind this so that the stones tie in together with literally every single dragon in the region? Mythology is important when writing fantasy stories so that everything can make sense.
While I do agree with Savannah's and Sasha's point (and I do find it a bit humorous), I also have to point out that the government isn't just one big monolith. While I do understand that your story isn't set in the USA, most governments anywhere aren't just one specific thing. They are usually made up of departments and no one just presents and idea to the big and scary all powerful government, rather present it to someone who represents the government and then if that idea gets carried on, more people in the government will see it.
In short, the group of teens would probably talk to a representative who would then, if agreeing with their idea, present it to other people who might take a vote, depending on what type of system that this universe has, then it might become a major issue.
Monarchies are a legit thing. Patriarchies are a legit thing. While there are few true modern monarchies, they still have a small position of power. However, throughout history there have been forms of government ruled by kings and queens.
i'm talking with a few friends about this story and we've came to an agreement: So much of what could be compelling plot was condescend down into those few sentences. Why did they have to obey him? There could be conflict there with the both sides knowing that they'd have to give in because he could ruin their careers if they didn't. There could be so much more to that which isn't there.
There are easier ways of sneaking information into a story. Instead of outwardly telling the reader that there is going to be a huge chunk of info, slide it into the story like it was no big deal. Have something remind Sasha about her childhood and story her mother told about the king. Unless she was actively writing this all down, it's not like she was going to think to inform the nonexistent reader about everything that's going on. In short, it's more natural for her to be reminded and think back to a memory rather than just consciously dumping information.
Which government building? There typically isn't just one but multiple. Also, are dragons supposed to be capitalized or not? There has been on and off capitalization all throughout the entire novel, so I thought I should bring that to your attention.
That's probably not the most realistic response. The person, whoever they are, might say something with disdain in their voice but they probably wouldn't go as far as to insult the group. They might be very cryptic or professional, but not downright mean. Consider rephrasing that. Also, it might be good to actually tell the reader who is talking right there. The reader has no idea if that's the receptionist or the royal guard or even just a random dude who happened to have taken over for the day.
Why are they still following the old king if the new king is alive and well? Also, why is this person so condescending? These "kids" are sixteen. They might be young but they're certainly not totally ignorant about the workings of the government.
Savannah did bring up a good point. Why are they even following the old king?
That would be better stated as, "Especially since I'm the princess." Queen/king reads awkwardly.
Since there's a lack of description, Sasha's reaction is a little underwhelming. In fact, for a little bit there, it seems like she has no reaction at all. There's no shock, anger, denial, acceptance... nothing. It's just short line of dialogue to short line of dialogue, not really showing us anything about what the characters are thinking or going through and so much potential is being lost there.
The ending there felt a little bit abrupt but hopefully it will end up moving the plot forward. I hope some stuff is explained about the government an about the system that they run. (Do the people have any say at all in what happens? Do they even host elections?) I also hope that Sasha's emotional response and description regarding most things is explored more. Other than that, I do hope that you will keep on writing!
~Adrian, Knight of RED
Thanks so much for the review, and to answer your question, that will be explained, on how the stones kill them, because the characters don't know that yet, so yeah. But you will totally find that out later. Again, thanks for the review, it really helped.
-Dogs <3