Young Writers Society

Hello! KatyaElefant here for a review! Happy Review Day! Let's see what we have right here...

I think that you could shorten your fourth to last paragraph because you have some really short paragraphs and that expresses the tone of your character but all of a sudden you have this big jumbo paragraph. Also, in that paragraph, you try to connect your sentences by starting them with but or and but that doesn't really transition them in the way that they should. If this is the way that your character talks, then I advise to find a way to implement this so that it's more smooth. I would like a little more imagery in here, I know that you were trying really hard to put it into here and I totally get that. I often I have trouble with that. What really helps me with that is when I read other peoples' works so that I can learn how they do it, @RavenMoonStone is amazing at writing those sort of those things.

Your grammar and spelling is flawless. I think that is something that makes me love your piece so much, I don't have to stumble upon some random mistake. Your organization is pretty good for your character, the only problem was that one paragraph. I really want to know what happens next because you leave it with a cliffhanger and it's always fun to make them but to read them...GRR! Your plot seems to be amazing, you really know what you want to do next. Overall, great job, I really enjoyed reading this. Have a nice Review Day! Keep calm and keep writing!

Hi!

Raven is here for a review on this delightful book you have written!
I must say, I feel bad for Stacy. With the main love interest not talking to her, it must be hard. I wonder why Mike is not talking to her, I mean, is there any true reason? Is he seeing someone else? This has installed a lot of questions into my brain. He seems, robotic. Has something happened with the enemy? Will he have to leave the war? I am at the edge of my seat!

Now, you are getting better at descriptions! How much you have progressed is awesome! I still have a bit of a problem with the drawings.

Even though the narrator has painted a somewhat gory picture in the last paragraph, throughout the chapter we, the reader, can barely see, taste, touch, or feel anything. The reader needs that to connect with the story. Without that, the tale seems dry and dull. I recommend describing more of the area.

(e.g. If there is dead bodies in the surroundings, try and see what the deceased soldiers were wearing. Perhaps, 'feel' the ground below her feet. If Mike came into the tent and then exits quickly, perhaps state that his feet hit the ground in a hurried manner. Also, if they seem angry, happy, or sad, picture what the look on their face is, and describe it! It will really help your reader connect.)

I must exclaim! The ending has me waiting for the next chapter! When Stacey finally realizes that something is wrong, I feel so happy for her. She now knows the problem and can try and fix it. (Also, when she cried herself to sleep a feel a bit of sympathy. The poor dear...)

I like your stories! Keep on writing!

Rae,