A/N: Hey guys, this is my new story. I hope you guys like it. It's fantasy and about dragons. Please review and give it a like! Thanks and enjoy!
A long time ago Dragons rule the Earth, but now Kings and Queens do. There is one person who can leave the palace and visit the Dragons. They are known as the Dragon Keeper. They prevent people and other animals/creatures hurting the dragons. They also keep the Dragons from hurting the people. The Dragons live in the skies. Every ten years five sixteen year old's go and get tested to become the Dragon Keeper. Only one gets it. You have to be sixteen. You cannot be fifteen or seventeen. Just sixteen. If your not sixteen too bad. For the one who becomes the Dragon Keeper needs to have patience. They have to be kind to these majestic creatures. If your chosen to be the Dragon Keeper, there are chances you could be killed by these beasts (as some called the dragons). But if your lucky the dragons will become your great friends.
As Dragon Keeper you have the ability to talk to the Dragons. (That is if you become Dragon Keeper.) You also have the ability to go see the dragons anytime you want.
But if you as Dragon Keeper, have or let the Dragons go back to the towns and villages, all will be destroyed and dragons will once again rise as the rulers. No people, just dragons.
Dragons can be nice creatures if you be kind to them. Just like a lot of animals, you have to earn their trust. You do that by treating them kindly, with respect, and also treating them fairly.
There are lots of different types of dragons. As Dragon Keeper, you have to take care of all of the types of dragons.
The types of Dragons are...
Fire
Lava
Water
Ice
Electric
Wind
Air
Earth
And finally Rock.
These are the dragons the Dragons Keeper is responsible for. The Dragon Keeper, takes care of some of the most powerful dragons around. If you are not good enough for this task, you cannot or will not be the Dragon Keeper.
If you cannot complete the training you are not good enough to be Dragon Keeper. Only the best and the brave can be. You need to learn how to protect, not fight these creatures. We do not want them dead. Humans do, some do anyway, because they do not understand what Dragons are able to do. If you treat them kindly they will earn your trust. Like a dog or a cat for example. You can't just make the pet love you. You have to earn it's trust. Except it's a little different than having a dog. You basically living with a bunch of Dragons. So are you up for the challenge to become the best and brave? Are you ready for the Dragon Keeper? Are you ready to become the Dragon Keeper?
End of chapter
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139,302 Literary Works • 672,528 Reviews
Hey, dogsrule! Adrian back for another review. Let's do this.
I guess most of this review consists of the word "why". There are many questions that this introduction raises and I'm very interested in having them answered. The idea is exciting and has a lot of potential behind it and the rest seems to weigh on pulling it off.
Now, to move to the various questions.
Why sixteen? Since there is no reason given, it's very difficult to find it believable. Surely adults might be better equipped for the task of taking care and controlling the dragons, given the fact that they are more experienced, probably have better self control, and have dealt with patience. This isn't saying that sixteen year olds couldn't do the job, but I'm more questioning why they would even be considered as the only acceptable candidates. Hopefully the reason will be explained later on, to add context to it all.
Without explanation, as I have said before, the story lacks the ability to suspend disbelief. In world building, there needs to be a reason and a cause. To put it simply, when, where what, why, and how? If you can answer all of those questions, then the idea is probably good enough to build upon. If not, back to the drawing build to come up with things to support the idea. "Because the plot calls for it!" isn't a strong enough point.
here are some issues with your vs you're in this, but going over this for those typos would probably be beneficial. (Every instance that there is a 'your', see if you can replace it with 'you are', if you can then it should be 'you're'; if you can't then leave it as is.)
Again, why? Why do the dragons just want to destroy everything? Is it in their nature, are they vengeful against the humans? What happened for all of this to even take place? How did the kings and queens even rise to power? Maybe one of the most glaring things are why are the dragons still alive? And how can someone manage to subdue them and how did they drive them away from living areas? Is there some sort of population control?
The history is really important for things like these so actually make sense of everything and it might be the most fun part of it!
What I'm most interested in is the training here, since the training seems awesome. The trainers, the process, how everything came to be. That is what is most sticking out to me here, so I'm looking forward to reading about it in the later chapters. Besides, dragons are super cool.
Anyway, I'm getting tired. Sorry for leaving a shorter review than normal, but I didn't have all that many things to say. Other than that, I hope that you keep on writing!
~Adrian
Thanks for the review. Your question about them being 16 should be answered, in chapter three. But I don't want to spoil it. If you need to understand how and why it was answer in chapter three, because it doesn't say you have to be sixteen because... Blah blah blah blah blah....
But if you dont understand how it is explained then feel free to ask me in a review.
Thanks for the review, and I hope you continue and enjoy my stories.
Hey dogsrule5, this is Senmaster here for a review.
After reading it, I would definitely have to agree that the chapter serves a better purpose as an introduction then a prologue.
I would like to begin by saying that the idea seems very interesting, and I would love to read what you have in store for us!
However, I would advise you to go back and edit it. There are some grammatical mistakes throughout the piece that can easily be fixed. There are just a few spelling errors and a few punctuation ones here and there.
I also think that you should have a predetermined tone for the chapter. The chapter isn't bad, but at times it sounds like a formal declaration of the Dragon Keeper's job, and at other times it has the tone that would correspond to that of talking to a child. I think there were some tense issues here and there just as it fluctuated between the past, present, and future.
And may I ask, why only one Dragon Keeper? I mean, you have your own idea and I don't mean to ask you to change it, but I just thought that having more Dragon Keepers could help you develop other characters who are in the same situation as your MC.
I'm sorry if I sounded critical. I just meant to give some advice to help you perfect your work. And I really hope my review helps too. If anyone disagrees with me, feel free to give your opinion.
But I think your idea sounds very good. Keep writing, and I can't wait to get to your first chapter!
Don't worry, a lot more characters will come in as the story develops. I'm already working on ideas, and I have a few in mind now.
Next, I didn't think your review was critical. I know you were just trying to help out a friend in need. *Laughs out loud*
Anyway, there we will be a lot more characters along the way, and I hope you really enjoy my story.
Thanks for the review.
-Dogs <3
Hi dogsrule5, Felistia here with a review on what I take as an introduction.
So if this is the first chapter of your work please let me know because we do have a few problems if it is. If it is an introduction then it is okay. I don't really know how to review an introduction, but I'll try. Firstly the title, it is really attractive and drew me in, so that is good. If you are planning to publish this book though you might want to change the title since it well used. Just an idea, feel free to ignore me.
I just looked at the title and it said prologue. I wouldn't put this in as a prologue, maybe as an introduction to see if people are interested, but as a prologue it doesn't really work. If I were you I would introduce us to the information you have placed in here slowly in the first few chapters of your book. It would stick better and not feel like an information dump.
If you want to know I am definitely hooked, I am a big dragon fan and I am actually writing a novel about them right now, so I am interested to see what you write. Let me know when you post the first chapter. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Thanks. Also, yes this is an introduction and explanation of how things work. Chapter one will be coming shortly. Thanks for the review.
There fixed it, it now says "Dragon Keeper: Introduction"