I was still thinking that Arianna's death was my fault. Sari still isn't talking and she is still so sad and it's been over a week. Sari isn't talking, eating, drinking. She hasn't moved from the same spot for over a week. I have a feeling life is going to be tough for Sari knowing that her best friend just died last week.
Grace doesn't know how Sari feels because one of her friends never died before. Well except Katie. Grace doesn't understand how Katie died. Plus Grace didn't like Katie that much. Sarah and I do know how Sari feels. Katie died a long time ago and we both are still sad about her death too. I wish Grace would understand how we feel, but unfortunately she doesn't. Grace just doesn't understand. She doesn't know what's been going on to us and our friends in fantasy land. She knows what's been going on in the real world more than she does this fantasy world.
Grace knows Katie is dead, but she doesn't understand how she died and what witch did we defeat. She wants to know all that, but Sarah and I don't want to tell her because we knew she wouldn't understand what we were talking about.
Grace has been bugging us about what happened to Katie and the witch, but we keep telling her over and over again that she won't understand what happened because she wasn't with us the whole time. She was in the real world while we were in fantasy land doing and worrying about Katie. Then Arianna. Sari and all of the others. Grace wouldn't understand, and she knew that. She just wanted to know. We try to tell her she would be all confused and as more questions, so Sarah and I kept saying no, no, no. We are not going to tell you because you wouldn't understand and you would be more confused then you already are. So just face the fact that we are not going to tell you.
Grace wanted to know so bad she almost threw a fit. Eventually we said we would tell her, but not until tomorrow. It's good to have friends who care, but friends who care a little to much and wonder to much can be kind of annoying!
End of chapter
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137,425 Literary Works • 672,010 Reviews
Hi again!
I can't wait to see what happens next!
This is getting much more realistic! The action of Grace wanting to know and whining and complaining is a very realistic, but them telling her, No, you won't understand fits in great as well.
I love how you're improving with length. Your chapters are getting much longer, and the description and emotion you have filled in is great!
The only problem I've had (it's been with the past couple chapters) is that it's progressing a little slow. Sure, everyone does it, even I do (it's one of my weaknesses). Try to just move along through the story. You don't want to speed it up to fast, nor do you want to make it as slow as a sloth. I like how you add in detail and emotion and more of the friendship problems in here, though.
Great job!!
WillowPaw1~
I am not sure about what will happen next. I am still thinking of ideas, but I will let you know when I have published chapter 11!
Yay!
I am still wondering myself what chapter 11 is going to be about. I really haven't discovered many new and good ideas yet. But I am still thinking and wondering what is going to happen in chapter 11. I cant wait to see what happens next. Funny thing, I don't know what is going to happen next! I cant believe that, but who cares I mean I am still thinking of some really good ideas, but this late at night I don't think I can come up with anything good cause I am getting sleepy, but funny thing I cant fall asleep!!!!
Hi! Cesar her for a review.
I love how you write this novel in a diary form. I wish I write like you do, unfortunately, I have a different writing style.
Nitpicks
Spoiler
You could put a comma instead of a period.
It should be what witch we defeated.
It's "we tried"
Well that's all for this chapter.
Best of luck in writing,
CesareBorgia,
signing out.
Thanks. I understand those nitpicks sometimes I really don't know what I am trying to do so ya.. Sorry about that.
Hi, dogsrule! It's Em101cats here to review!
Just saying, I love this series! I thought it would have no emotion - all happiness, but you're beginning to add realistic feelings of sadness, and that connects to the readers much more. Kudos!
Error:
"Little to much" and "wonder to much" should be "Little too much and wonder too much." Don't worry too much about this, because I did it all the time - To, Too and Two can be confusing
I didn't see any other mistakes - and if I missed any you're definitely smart enough to find the ones I didn't see
That's all the mistakes. Go ahead and edit it if you want to, that way you can mistake-check and fix that little "to" problem
Sorry if this sounded pushy. I never know when someone's going to get offended. Recently that's been happening with my works. Someone cussed (not censored with *'s) in one of my comment sections, and had to be censored by YWS staff.
Keep up the fantastic writing! I'm loving this
~Em101cats~
Well that was rude! Who would do that? Who did it to you?