I was in the dragons land. It was a huge forest, but then there was an ocean. The mountains in the background are amazing. They were a grayish color with white snow on the top. That's where the ice dragons live.
"Wow, I own all of this?" I said under my breath.
The water dragons live in the water, most other dragons live in the forest.
"This is amazing." I said aloud. "I can't believe I own all of this!" I said with excitement.
"You don't." I heard a voice say. It sounded like a male voice. He sounded tough about it too.
"What do you mean?" I asked sounding confused. My voice cracked as I said this, as if I was scared, but I wasn't. I wasn't scared of this man.
He finally approached me.
"I mean more than one person owns this. One person from each kingdom gets to become a Dragon Keeper."
"I didn't know this."
"Yeah, lots don't. I didn't until my mother told me. She was Dragon Keeper before I."
"Okay..." I say. "How many people are there."
"Well there's five kingdoms, so there should be five people."
"Oh, well in that case, I guess we should get to know each other. I mean, since we will be working together."
"Yeah. What's your name?"
"I'm Sasha." I say proudly. "I'm a princess."
"Cool. I'm Blake. I'm a prince as well."
"Awesome. So where are the others?"
"I don't know, but what kingdom did you come from?"
"I came from Greenville Kingdom."
"Oh, you came from sweet, wonderful, magic land."
"Um... I guess. If that's what you want to call it."
"I've been there. Everyone is very nice. Not where I come from. I wish I lived in a Greenville kingdom like you."
"Oh?" I say. "Where do you come from."
"I come from faraway land."
"Oh yeah?. Where's that."
"Shadow Kingdom. Let's just say I live with the rebels. Honestly though, I don't want to be one, so now I live here. With you."
"Yeah. I guess that's a good thing."
"So, Sasha, I want to get to know you a little bit."
"Oh you do now do you?"
"Yes."
"Well, what do you want to know?"
"Lots."
"Like what?"
"Like... What's your favorite color?"
"Oh, were starting simple I see."
"Sure. What is it?" Peter asked.
"Purple."
"What kind?"
"Midnight purple."
"Awesome. Mines orange. Like sunset orange."
"Oh, that's a pretty color." I say.
"I know, that's why I like..."
He got cut off by another girl in the background.
"Hey, quit chit chatting, we got an issue over here."
"What's wrong." I asked approaching the girl.
"Well, Edith here is a little scared of dragons."
"Then why did she want to be Dragon Keeper?" Peter asked.
"I don't know." The girl said.
"What's your name?" I asked.
"I'm Savannah."
"Nice name. I'm Sasha, and that's Peter. What kingdom did you come from."
"Star Kingdom." Savannah said "And you came from... Where?"
"I came from Shadow Kingdom, and she came from GreenVille Kingdom."
"Oh, that's cool."
"Anyway, why is Edith scared of dragons? Why is she even Dragon Keeper."
"Well." Savannah started to say. "She was born in Star Kingdom like me, but then she moved to Twilight Kingdom. When we were kids it was always her dream to become Dragon Keeper. Edith told her parents of this dream, and they moved to Twilight Kingdom, where they don't believe in Dragons. So now she fears them because people used to beat her for this belief. Also she read a lot about these creatures in private. Another reason that she was beat. She started being scared of them when she read a fiction book that one time a dragon ate a whole town of people."
"Wow." I say.
"Interesting." Peter commented.
"Hey Edith, I'm Sasha, and there's no reason to be scared of these creatures."
"Why not?" Edith asked.
"They are nice, as long as you treat them with respect."
"They are?"
"Yes. I promise. I will protect you if anything goes wrong."
"You will?"
"Yes."
"Cool. Thanks Sasha."
"No problem."
We didn't know where the fifth person was. Savannah and Peter went out to get food. Peter was tall and very muscular. He had dirty-blonde hair and greenish-brown eyes. Savannah had red hair with blue eyes. She was short, but was good with a spear. Edith had blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. They looked like twinkling stars. She was very sensitive and shy. That's what I pretty much found out about the others that I've met so far.
We were all very confused about where the other person was.
"Where is he or she?" I asked Edith.
"What do you mean Sasha?"
"There's supposed to be another person. We need one more Dragon Keeper from the fifth Kingdom."
"I don't know, but these dragons are super scary looking."
"I told you Edith." I said as calm as possible. "They won't hurt you as long as your don't hurt them. I know you wouldn't hurt them anyway Edith, you're to nice. Also I mean that as a good thing."
"Thanks. I guess that helps..." Edith said. "Not." I heard her say under her breath, but I pretended not to know I heard her.
The others came back with a three rabbits and some berries they found. We cooked the rabbits with a fire we made. We all ate, in silence, all thinking about were the fifth person was.
End of chapter
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139,302 Literary Works • 672,528 Reviews
Hi my name is Tsunami and I am here to give you a great long review. Oh and if I say anything that is rood in this review please tell me because I don’t mean to be rood at all.
I like the characters to so fare. I like they have different personalities. I know if all of your characters had the same personality's people will just think the story is lame and boring. So I think you are doing a great job with your story so fare. 
So that is all good.
Okay let’s get started with what I like about the chapter.
I like the name of the story I think so fare it soots what I have read so great choices of name it is still really good.
Okay I am now going to start the review.
All I really am going to say is that I think when someone is done talking I think you could add a little bit of description on what they look like.
Now over here when you described your characters I think you can ad little sections of their description after they are done talking.
So that is all.
Oh and happy review day from your new friend Tsunami.
It's me again with another review after i read this chapter and it adds more information and description and like i said before i like the story. Some things that need work are the descriptions and aside from that are a few errors. The land you introduced could use a bit more flavor for example you wrote "I was in the dragons land. It was a huge forest, but then there was an ocean. The mountains in the background are amazing. They were a grayish color with white snow on the top. That's where the ice dragons live."
To improve that you could write "I found myself in the land of the dragons. It was an expansive forest with many tall trees and strange plants. There was also a vast clear blue ocean that the water dragons inhabit. The mountains in the background are quite large and a simply amazing view to behold; home to the ice dragons. They were specifically gray with white snow adorning their peaks." Of course your way is fine too and my writing style isn't anywhere near what one would call refined but it could help you with new ideas. Also to improve you could have mentioned Sasha's journey to the dragons land and the hardships she went through to get there. As far as errors go the character you introduced as Blake later is called Peter which is kind of confusing unless its a different character. Finally in the last paragraph there is an error "The others came back with a three rabbits" There is an a placed there where it doesn't belong but other than that once again i like your story and will continue to read more.
Blake, and Peter are two different characters. I didn't realize until the first reviewer that I changed Blake's name to Peter, forever it will remain Peter, but Blake is a different character.
Hey, Dogsrule! Adrian back with another review. It's almost two a.m. and I'm writing by the light of a singular lamp. Let's do this.
To be honest, I feel like I've already said most of the feedback I'm giving you in this chapter. Depending on what happens in chapter three, this may be my last review until things pick up again. I don't want to be repetitive with the same thing over and over again.
While this is a good start at description, there is still a lot of room for improvement. Right now, it seems like the setting is being read off of a checklist without any emotion behind it or without much thought into how breathtaking it would be to be in a scene like that. As I've probably stated before, senses are key in getting down worthwhile, engaging description.
Smell, taste, touch, sight, and sound. While not all of them are necessary (and there are a lot more than five) in order to describe a scene, it's still useful to have them on hand when trying to portray an image. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, after all.
I wrote that earlier, in the attempts to find a balance with description. In general, when writing first person, the description tends to reflect the main character's experiences and emotions on the whole subject. If they're staring at a sunset and they are feeling any joyous emotion, they might go on to note the light tones of orange, yellow, and red and how they combined nicely in the sky. If they are feeling threatened or compromised, they might go on to take about how one color is threatening to take over another.
Do you catch my drift there?
Uh, another thing, I kinda rewrote your first five paragraphs, so if you'd ever like a complete copy of that, just send me a message. And on another note, here are two awesome articles that talk about description and can other just a tad more info than I can!
Also, how does the landscaping work in the dragons' land? How massive is the land that there can be such a huge change in the area? Do the forests overlap with the mountains and do the mountains sink into a sea? While it isn't a requirement for fantasy novels to have a map, a great deal do. It's easier to look and imagine the scale and the reader can easily flip back to see where in reference to the rest of the world the setting happens to take place. So maybe you could try and sketch one for self reference.
One thing that I noticed was the names of the kingdoms. There's the Shadow Kingdom, the Twilight Kingdom, the Star Kingdom, a mystery kingdom to be revealed, and ... the Greenville kingdom? Greenville sounds more like the name of a town, rather than an actual kingdom. I believe that the suffix 'ville' means town in French, so that just adds to the oddness of that being a name of an entire kingdom. Perhaps if the kingdom had a different name, it'd fit with the overall theme. (Emerald seems to come to mind when thinking of a suitable name.)
Uh, I'm kinda tired right now, so I'm going to attempt to head to bed. Sorry if the ending to this review was abrupt, I'm just tired right now. Hopefully, I'll move on to the next chapter tomorrow!
Keep on writing!
~Adrian
Hi dogsrule5 I love chapter 2 pleas keep up the good work.
And pleas make a chapter 3. And I loved the way you ended the chapter in a worry I liked that. Now you have probably made chapter 3 but you have not posted it yet because you wont us to stress. But all I am saying is grate chapter and I will give you a like. 
Pleas check out On Top of Table Mouton if you do I will really like it.
Okay, I will. Also I have written chapter three, it will be published sometime tonight.
Thanks fore letting me no dogsrule5.
I will get to it when I can. And no problem.
Hi there my name is George, I enjoyed your story. I am going to go over a few things that I feel would help your writing and please don’t take any of it the wrong way. And whatever you do never stop writing.
Over all I like the idea of your story, and I would like to read more if you write it. There are a couple of things that I would say needs a little work.
I'm not going to pick out certain parts because then it begins to feel like I am trying to pick you apart so I’ll just go into the overall.
Alright so your setting, you started off fine but here are a few questioned i had. What kind of forest, what time of year? Where are the characters at? So yeah i would work on description a lot. And not just with your setting but your characters and dialogue as well. you did provide i brief description of each one, but you definitely go a step further.
For example: "Hi there." Courtney said running her hands through her long blonde hair. I know that isn't great but you can describe characters like that, and not just physical quality but quirks and personality traits as well.
Anyway I liked your story and if cleaned up a bit would enjoy reading further, good job. I hope I helped a little.
Thanks. The description will be much more clear in chapter three. I'm already getting ideas. You will get more of the setting as we move along with the story.
Hi dogsrule5, Felistia here with a review on your novel.
Warning: I am not trying to be mean, I am just trying to help and the review ahead is going to be very nit-picky.
Story: The story so far is good and I don't know exactly what the main plot is, but it is good to read so far. You can choose to fill this in of not, but I think that you missed out a lot on not tell us exactly how she got to the dragon kingdom. It gives the feeling of the story being a bit rushed. I feel that you should give us a little bit of information on how Sasha got there.
Characters: Sasha so far is a fun character, but in my opinion you introduce way to many characters in this chapter and way to quickly. Maybe just one character. There is one problem is the boy that she met called Peter or Blake, because right at the beginning when she first meets he, he says that his name is Blake, but then you call him Peter for the rest of the chapter. On other thing that will help us connect to the characters. I will use an example ("Okay..." I say. "How many people are there.")
You could write it like this just for example ("Okay..." I say. "How many people are there," I asked, my green eyes wide in surprised, 'there weren't supposed to be other people here. Trust my mother to not tell me.') Describing what the character looks like and what they are thinking will help with their development and help us connect to them.
Setting: I like that you described the dragon world in the beginning, but there is a lot of room for more. Maybe use pebble grey instead of just greyish and expand. Is the characters on the edge of the forest, what are the smelling, is there a stream near by. Go wild with the descriptions and not just at the beginning, try to have it between the dialogue to. It will help the dialogue to sink in.
Over all I liked it. There is a lot of room for improvement, but what work doesn't have that. Never stop writing and I hope I have been of use. I hope you have a great day\night.
Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. I meant his name to be Peter, Blake will be a character later in the story. Thanks again.