Dragon Keeper Chapter 3

by dogsrule5

Published December 4, 2015

E - Everyone

In My books

I was in the Dragon's land with Peter. We were looking around at all of the Dragons and their habitats. The forest. The trees were tall, with the Dragons it was so beautiful. All of the dragons have a different habitat in this world of dragons. There is a small river down below the cliff where we set up camp. This is where the water dragons live. It looked very small from where we were standing, but when we walked down there, it was as big as a swimming pool all combined. The river water was as blue as the sky. The little waves made tiny ripples in the water. A dragon then swooped down and made a huge splash, and got us socked with water. I screamed loudly as the dragon splashed.

Across the river, was another forest. Except this forest had a special tree. Lightning struck the tree every so often and that is where the electric dragons lived. There were huge dens where the dragons live. We watched the lightning hit the tree. The tree blew up in flames, but then it came back, as if nothing happened. After the tree burned to the ground, it grew back up as quick as a... No words to describe this amazing site. It just grew up as fast as the lightning hit the tree. I was amazed. I've never seen anything so cool in my life. I knew this was the job for me.

In the background we saw a volcano. That's where the fire and lava dragons lived. I saw a whole herd of them drop into the volcano as if the lava didn't burn them. Which of course it didn't.

There was a huge mountain beside the volcano. It was a pebble-grey color, with snow and ice on top. This is where the ice dragons lived. All of sudden we heard a dragons roar. The ice dragon had ice coming out of it's mouth against a fire dragon. The fire dragon blew fire out of his mouth against the ice. It was amazing. No of them won this fight. The fire dragon came close, but then both dragons seemed to give up. They acted like no war had happened.

The wind dragons just live anywhere, where there is heavy, strong wind. Which is the forest. Rock dragons live at the bottom of the mountain and volcano where there are the most rocks.

Lastly the earth dragons live in the forest. We just watched the dragons. All four of us, Peter, Edith, Savannah, and I. It was so amazing.

***

A person came up to us. Except he was older than us.

"My name is Blake. You are the Dragon Keepers. You're Peter." He said looking at him in the eyes.

"Yes." Peter replied. "That's me, but how do you know my name?"

"I know all of your names. Edith, Savannah, and you're Sasha."

"This Blake guy seems weird." I whispered to Savannah.

"Yes, but we just have to ask about it."

"What are we supposed to ask about now?" Blake asked.

"Are you the fifth Dragon Keeper?" I blurted out interrupting him speaking about some crap I wasn't listening to.

"No, there is no fifth person. What are you talking about?"

"Um... It's nothing." I replied.

He explained the rules of being a Dragon Keeper, and it was stupid. We already knew these rules.

"Also," Blake said mysteriously. "Watch out for the golden dragon, and other different dragons."

"Golden Dragon?" Peter asked.

"Yes." Blake said, then we walked away, using a special code to open the portal.

***

I have to visit Rosalind about this. I need to talk to her. She might know something.

I opened the portal, into the glass building. This is the building where you enter the dragon world. It's just a glass building, but unbreakable. It's pretty cool. I walked down the glass steps and walked to the castle.

Mother came to the door.

"My dear. Did you not like it? It's only been three weeks."

"No, I love it, I just came to talk to Rosalind about something that happened."

"What happened?" Mother asked. She sounded as if she knew something.

"Oh, just something about a golden dragon." I replied like it was nothing.

"Come with me."

I walked to Mother's room with her. She locked the door.

"What going on mother?" I asked

"There is a hidden waterfall someone in the dragon world. Blake said that to me. Anyway there was a blue dragon. There was a secret place in the volcano. This dragon was glowing blue, and I followed it. I found a the blue stone. The government wanted it. I gave it to them, not knowing what would happen. There is a stone for each type of dragon. They made our world with the four kingdoms. Not five, even though that's what everyone thinks. Anyway, they made these kingdoms so they would protect us from the dragons, but it didn't stop those creatures. Someone found out about these stones for each type of dragon. The government only needs the water stone, which that golden dragon Blake mentioned protects. If you find it, don't give it to the government. If you do they will use those stones to make all dragons go extinct forever. You have to promise me to get that stone before Blake does. He's a government worker. You also need your help from your friends, from the four kingdoms, to get the other stones back, so dragons won't go extinct. If we don't have dragons, then wild animals will forever haunt us, and kill our town. The dragons are here to kill those animals, but the government doesn't think that. They just think that the dragons want to kill the town, but if you and your four friends take these stones, and the one from the secret waterfall, dragons will forever live. But you have to promise me that you will at least try."

"Mom, how do you know this. Is this some kind of joke? Is this why you didn't want me to be dragon keeper?"

"No time to explain. You should go."

Mother walked me out the door, and I went back to the tall glass building. I walked through the portal, and told Peter, Edith, and Savannah everything my mom said. We had a plan to stop the government. We just have to make it work. If we try hard enough, we know we can do this, but we would need all the help we can get. There's only four of us, everyone else is with the government.

Then I figured it out. Why mother didn't want me to be Dragon Keeper. I wouldn't have this huge responsibility with all of this government stuff. I now also knew that mother knew all of this stuff because she was once dragon keeper. Now I will walk her footsteps and take down the government.

It's time for the new Dragon Keeper. The one who really does protect the dragons.

Comments & reviews · 4
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review Review · Jun 26, 2016

Okay I am back again and like a have said in my other reviews on what I like about your chapter I am going to say it again.
I like the name of the story I think so fare it soots what I have read so great choices of name. :D I like the characters to so fare. I like they have different personalities. I know if all of your characters had the same personality's people will just think the story is lame and boring. So I think you are doing a great job with your story so fare. :) :wink: :wink: So that is all good.
Now to the review. :D

I was in the Dragon's land with Peter. We were looking around at all of the Dragons and their habitats. The forest. The trees were tall, with the Dragons it was so beautiful. All of the dragons have a different habitat in this world of dragons. There is a small river down below the cliff where we set up camp. This is where the water dragons live. It looked very small from where we were standing, but when we walked down there, it was as big as a swimming pool all combined. The river water was as blue as the sky. The little waves made tiny ripples in the water. A dragon then swooped down and made a huge splash, and got us socked with water. I screamed loudly as the dragon splashed.

Across the river, was another forest. Except this forest had a special tree. Lightning struck the tree every so often and that is where the electric dragons lived. There were huge dens where the dragons live. We watched the lightning hit the tree. The tree blew up in flames, but then it came back, as if nothing happened. After the tree burned to the ground, it grew back up as quick as a... No words to describe this amazing site. It just grew up as fast as the lightning hit the tree. I was amazed. I've never seen anything so cool in my life. I knew this was the job for me.

In the background we saw a volcano. That's where the fire and lava dragons lived. I saw a whole herd of them drop into the volcano as if the lava didn't burn them. Which of course it didn't.

There was a huge mountain beside the volcano. It was a pebble-grey colour, with snow and ice on top. This is where the ice dragons lived. All of sudden we heard a dragons roar. The ice dragon had ice coming out of it's mouth against a fire dragon. The fire dragon blew fire out of his mouth against the ice. It was amazing. No of them won this fight. The fire dragon came close, but then both dragons seemed to give up. They acted like no war had happened.

The wind dragons just live anywhere, where there is heavy, strong wind. Which is the forest. Rock dragons live at the bottom of the mountain and volcano where there are the most rocks.

Lastly the earth dragons live in the forest. We just watched the dragons. All four of us, Peter, Edith, Savannah, and I. It was so amazing.


Okay some were in these paragraphs I want you to describe the dragons. Oh and don't for get to ad smell, feel and emotions into your chapters. You are really getting good at this.
So that is all. :D I think it is really good. I hope you will keep on righting great work. I am looking for word to reading more of your of your fantastic work, and your next chapter. Oh and good luck with that by the way. :wink: I hope you have a great day are night.

Oh and happy review day from your new friend Tsunami. :D

User avatar
Evander
Review
Evander wrote a review Review · Dec 29, 2015

Hey, Dogsrule! Adrian back with another review!

I was in the Dragon's land with Peter.

Unless the setting had changed, there would probably be little reason to restate where the characters were. And since the last chapter had a similar intro, this comes off as a bit repetitive. It'd be a bit different if it was stating which area of the land they were in. If I recall correctly, there was sea, some mountains, and a forest in the last chapter. So introducing the scene with one of those specifics instead of just a broad detail would probably read better and even look better on the page.

One handy trick that I was taught is reading your chapter out loud makes editing a whole lot easier, since you can hear the cadence and spot the repetition without much trouble. I'm mentioning this because I noticed that the natural flow was off in the first paragraph. (I'm not sure why the flow is off, after reading it over. However, it might be because of how many times the word 'dragon' was mentioned.)

I'm sure you've been told this before, but there is some slight trouble with tenses throughout this piece. It seems like a majority of this chapter was in the past tense, so I'm going to assume that this whole work should be in past tense. You keep slipping back into present tense, mainly with the word 'is'.

What I can say for certain is that the description in this chapter is way better than it was in the last. The setting is now much more clear, even though it did come across as a bit info-dumpy. (Although, it is hard to find a balance between showing and info-dumping, so I may talk about that more at another time.)

Oh! I might have said this before, but I really do love dragons. There's this book I have, called Dragonology, which I highly recommend. While you could make up stuff as you go, there is a lot of lore surrounding dragons which you can take inspiration from.

Speaking of dragons, what type of dragons are these? Are they western dragons, eastern dragons, a type of dragon yet to be documented? There are more to species than just wind, earth, fire, ice, etc. Their builds would probably be different and so would their mannerisms. Dragons are incredibly diverse with temperament and structure.

I could talk about dragons all day, to be perfectly honest. :P

Ah, that large paragraph right before the end is a bit difficult to read. It would look better if it were split up into smaller paragraphs that are easier on the eyes.

Oh, I notice that you have large sections of dialogue, where all of the characters sound the same. But that isn't really realistic at all, if you think about real life. My dad tends to use large words and speaks slowly, my mom likes to avoid contractions and stays away from 'omg', 'lol', and other such things. My little brother tends to speak fast with his words slurred together. Everyone has their own distinct way of speech and tone, which is what the dialogue in this chapter is lacking.

Everyone sounds the same, when I read this. If the dialogue tabs and attributes were taken away, it'd be incredibly easy to become confused about who is currently talking. Just something to think about. (Here are some articles that go more in depth: Linguistics and Dialogue, Intro, Linguistics and Dialogue, Application, Writing Good Dialogue, and Natural-Sounding Dialogue and Fantasy Accents. I highly recommend looking them over!)

"No time to explain. You should go."

But she had all the time to say that incredibly large paragraph beforehand? It doesn't make much sense.

This is getting better and I am looking forward to the next development! The stuff about the governments sounds super interesting and hopefully it'll be fleshed out later on. Perhaps more on why the governments think that the dragons would attack the towns. I'm also confused as to why they spread around a rumor that there was a fifth kingdom, seeing as there is no obvious explanation at this point in time.

Keep on writing!

~Adrian

User avatar
felistia
Review
felistia wrote a review Review · Dec 9, 2015

Hi dogsrule5, Felistia here with the review you requested.
Warning: This review may seem to be a bit mean. I don't mean it in this way, I am trying to help you before you carry on with the story. Each paragraph feels very rushed and could be expanded.

Okay so the fist paragraph feels very rushed and you don't put much description in it. You also use the word dragon way to much. The whole paragraph could be expanded dramatically, possible into a chapter even. I want to see the characters interact with their surroundings. Like in the part where you wrote that the main character shouted. Why did she shout, you need to explain the scene in front them. It will help the reader connect with the character. Right now you are telling me what the character is feeling and I am not feeling it.

Please don't take offense, I am just trying to help. Please tell me what you think of the review and whether you are going to take my advice or not. :D

No offense taken. Thanks for the review.

User avatar
FlamingPhoenix
Comment
FlamingPhoenix commented Comment · Dec 5, 2015

Hi dogsrule5 I just love your story to my it is really good. So keep up the good work, and I hope you are going to make a chapter 4. Because I am really a reached to your work. So good luck.

Yes, I won't just randomly stop the series, until it ends of course.

I no I am just saying good luck.

Oh okay. Well in that case... Thanks. I hope you do very well, as well, as you journey into writing poems and novels, and whatever your heart desires to right! :-)

Thank you am the same for you.

You are welcome.

Are you going to be writing any novels soon.

I am not share because I am not very good at that kind of stuff.

Oh, well I think you should give it a shot, or a try. I think you would be great at writing novels. You should give it a go. I and others on YWS can help you out with it too.



Goos are anarchists.
— WeepingWisteria