"You're not that beautiful."

For a young pre-teen, your writing is amazing! You've got potential to be whoever you want to be. Keep writing, love.

Chips here with a review!

"You're not that beautiful," you said to me,
and I play the words over in my head
until they seem to go on forever
and ever."

I think this opening stanza could have had a bolder opening if the first line were just, "You're not that beautiful". It is already apparent that these words are being spoken so the second part does not seem necessary. I like how it creates a sense of mystery as the reader does not know who is saying these words directly to the other person.

The second part of this stanza would be even better if a metaphor or simile was added to emphasis how the persona cannot escape the memory of these words uttered to make it more memorable and original, e.g. *these words played in my head like an unrelenting hurricane that would never free me*, Somethings along those lines.

"In my wildest daydreams,
and my wildest nightmares,
I have seen you there."

Here, perhaps a different word could be used besides, "Wildest", as repeating it makes it a bit redundant as you are using it in relation to both sub-conscious/dream-like states of mind.

"You say that you could melt in my eyes."

This line didn't seem to flow well with the rest of the stanza, perhaps wording it a bit differently?


"A smile and a few tears later,
I find myself in your arms again."

I liked these final lines.

This certainly is a moving poem, and the title itself speaks the loudest to me. I also think you have portrayed an unhealthy relationship and a vicious cycle in a simple and clear way, balancing the feelings of the narrative - love and hatred. The guilt and disappointment compared to the person finding themselves "in your arms again" is really powerful, and make such an interesting poem which I believe a lot of people can relate to. With just a few sentences, you have painted a vivid picture that, although is quite explaining, leaves some things for the reader to wonder about.

Great job!!

This poem is really gorgeous. I've read a lot of poetry about this sort of abusive relationship, but I think that you tackled this poem in a really unique and non conventional way. I also absolutely relate to this poem and I've noticed some other reviewers do too, so whether it was your intention or not you made a seriously good job on getting your audience to really connect and relate to your writing. Very good poem! In fact, one of the best I've read in a while.

I love this poem so much! if I'm taking it in right, then I can totally relate! I would maybe try going "in my wildest visions, and my craziest nightmares". Although I could be defeating propose you wanted by that. The ending, makes me think that the poemy person that I don't remember the name, is finally found, after being lost for some time. When I read it the second time, the dreams and nightmares part was where they speaker was lost at the most, and the at the end, "a smile and a few tears later, I find myse in your arms again" implies that the speaker has finally found what he/she once lost.

Yours truly,

~Winchester19867

Hey acm,

Caught in whirlwind of love and despair, huh? Heart-wrenching!

For some clarification, can you tell me what you mean by "You say that you could melt in my eyes"?

The poem is a little scattered and I'm a little confused on how to take it all in together. Maybe add more to the poem to show how you got from the beginning to the end? Just to bring it all together.

I really like your poem! Thank you for sharing!

Hello!

This was a very haunting and melancholy poem and I love it! Though it's short, the punch of emotions felt from beginning to end is extremely prominent. Especially in the third stanza, it could be read as something sweet when read out of context. But, in this sense it is one of the saddest moments in the whole poem. I love this poem, it's almost like an anti-love poem. Thanks so much fro sharing it with us!

Wow this is sad, but great! you're a great poet!