Hello there.
I actually think you can do a better job with the punctuation.
If you need or want to check how the full edit of mine for this work may look like, contact me and do not be shy to do it. There are commas missing and maybe fullstops too.
For my option about this story, I think it is great and shows what he call 'taking a risk' comparing it with a small red bird that feels like it does not need to be there. The rhyme was pretty sweet and smooth and the flow was going on well. But one spanza ruined it all suddenly for me.
One red bird
was he really meant to sing?
Was he really meant to soar
on his unsteady red wings?
At least for me, this spanza was off.
I hope I did not seem to be so rude or cruel. I hope you keep on writing and improving.
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