Young Writers Society

Hello Remington38 here for a reveiw,

This poem was absolutely amazing. I read one of your poems and could help myself to look at the long list of others you have published. I pressed like until I got here and I wish I could press love. I absolutely adored this because the idea is genius and written out so well. My favorite part is with the lost electricians. You jump from fun to deeper meaning and back to fun which I find interesting. This was such a unique idea with the light at the tunnel being extinguished and just overall I loved this. Thank you for writing this and I am excited to read more now.

i love it .i love everysingle word it is amazing poem.how it talks about the worst in front.how you put in the electrician in the poem making it more real.the grammer is proper and there is no spelling mistakes.the warning of no light no matter what u do.showing the hardship that person will face if he does not listen.or she. you really did good on this poem so keep it up

This is an interesting style, something like what I would write.
I love the conversational style. It seems eerie. Who is the voice? Its like a disembodied spirit floating and warning the walker. It might even be their own voice, since this seems to be a metaphor for depression. I don't totally understand the use of the exclamation point after A bright new dawn. It seems weird that the voice would suddenly exclaim this. I'm imagining an argumentative tone, but the exclamation point makes it seem almost cheerful.
The beginning of the fourth stanza is perfect. Nope. Not here.The flow is great. There is a mistake in the middle: Because I tell, you that tunnel has no light
I'm thinking the comma should be after "you"
Also I think "No hope and sunshine, No end in sight." Should read: "No hope, no sunshine, no end in sight. It makes it seem slightly more dramatic and I feel it flows better.
Thanks for an awesome poem!