You are an Ocean

Well, I have no complains to be honest!
I just want to say that you had a very good job with this one.
I like the way you had connected the first line with the second line, in each spanza you have in this poetry. There is actually nothing wrong with this work because you had edited it all, right?
It is good to edit it right after someone had told you about something that you may need to double check and correct. So I have nothing to complain about here.
This review is full of positives only. XD
You have no rhymes in this work, I think? Maybe I miss the rhyme because I got used to it from your previous works that I had checked and reviewed, but that does not mean it ruined it at all.
I could just say that the last spanza is kinda the saddest, and I do not know should I count this as something negative or as something positive.

Good job and I hope to see more of you in similar style.

Hi acm! RagingLive here to review you poem! I figured it was the least I could do since you reviewed something of mine!

First of all, I think that you had pretty good imagery, wonderful comparisons, and a very distinct pattern that made it fairly easy to read. All of the aforementioned spell out great writing to me, so bravo to you friend!

One of the things that I noticed right off isn't a huge problem, but I think that it could make your poem a bit easier to read. You have a distinctive pattern like I said, and that's very good. You also have correct punctuation. However, you still have the beginning of every line capitalized. Here's an example:

If am a lake,
You are an ocean,

Heya Whosabell13 here for a review.
I dont usually read and review poems but you really caught my attention when you started making all of the words relate to each other.

The only part I whould suggest you change is 'You have none,
Cold and unfeeling,
But beautiful still.'
Mkae it less deppressing and easier to combine together.

All and all I thought it was great!

Your awesome and I loved your poem.I'm glad you where my first to review!

Love, Whosabell.

Hi there acm and welcome to YWS!

I feel like this piece gets stronger and stronger as it reaches the ending. The comparisons grow sharper and more to the point. They make sense as I read along, which is important for a poem that relies on metaphors like this.

However, I'd challenge you to think through the first two stanzas a little more. The comparison of lakes and oceans sounds nice, but the explanation seems false. In reality, lakes and oceans don't have to be connected at all, so the idea of the ocean pulling a lake under seems a little strange. If I think about it, I'm taken out of the piece entirely, which isn't what you want at all!

If I were writing this and I wanted to keep the title line, I would replace lake with something like "stream" or "river". Even something like a pebble getting swept away by the current would work.

The fire/sun comparison is a little stronger, but the "burning my lungs" line seems off to me. A nearby fire is much more likely to burn your lungs than the faraway sun. You could also make this more interesting...what kind of fire is the speaker? A candle flame? A campfire?

Overall, I really like your metaphors and I think you could do even more with them. Keep writing!

Wow, that was a twist ending!

I really like the entire piece, and I honestly have nothing to critique. You have some beautiful imagery here and you can really get the feeling. Poetry is really hard to write sometimes, and you did really well. Definitely keep it up, I'll be looking out for some more of your work!

Keep it up!

~Fire

I've never been much into poetry but this... This is amazing.

You are a great writer, the fact there is a whole story among those few lines shows so much and yet keeps so much hidden is a difficult thing to pull off, but leaves a lasting impression if you do it right.
You did it right.

I'd enjoy reading more of your works, and if they are as good as this I'm sure you'll do well.